Epilogue
BEN
Three years later
C onversations swirl around us, but I only have eyes for the woman sitting next to me. My arm is draped across Carlisle’s bare back as my thumb gently scrapes across her shoulder blade. She looks stunning in her silky, high neck emerald evening gown, the color of which makes her ocean eyes appear more green than blue.
She also looks like she could vomit at any moment.
“Nervous?” I ask while we sit in our front row seats inside the Dolby Auditorium.
“Very. Maybe even bordering on the realm of petrification.” She tosses me a pained smile. “You?”
“No.” I gaze at her adoringly. “I already have everything I could ever want in life. Who cares if I win an Oscar?”
Since our reconciliation, Carlisle and I have kept our relationship largely out of the spotlight. Occasionally the paparazzi find us, and some photos will land online, but it’s a rare occurrence. While Carlisle will often accompany me to big events, she never walks the red carpet with me, instead choosing to meet me inside the venue away from the prying eyes of the press. The ability to conduct our private lives outside of the public eye is paramount, and we take whatever precautions necessary to keep it that way.
However, tonight is a very big deal. I was nominated for an Academy Award for my role in Losing Love , so for the first time, Carlisle stood beside me on the red carpet and now she sits beside me during the awards show. It means the world to me to have her unwavering support.
"Even if you don't win, I want you to know how proud I am of you," she remarks, inclining her head in my direction.
Lifting her hand to caress my cheek, I grab it and kiss her palm. When I do, my fingers graze across the gold charm bracelet that she still wears on her left wrist, an ever-present reminder of our love, how far we’ve come, and my promise to her about our future.
As our relationship has progressed, I’ve added more charms onto the bracelet. Some signify our travels, like the maple leaf that I bought while we were living in Vancouver filming Losing Love or the kangaroo charm that we selected together while we vacationed in Australia. Others represent important events in our lives, like the peony charm that I gave Carlisle on the fifth anniversary of her mother's death because peonies were Vivian's favorite flowers. Or the puppy charm that I gave Carlisle for Christmas this year. Don't worry—there was a real puppy waiting for her in the backyard too. We've only had Wally for two months, and despite the number of shoes he's destroyed, we love him like crazy. And tonight, I'm going to give Carlisle one more charm to add to her bracelet.
"I wish your parents could be here," Carlisle remarks, as I immediately shake my head.
"Yeah, nope, babe. We're going to have to agree to disagree about that." Carlisle and my parents are thick as thieves, which I'm grateful for, but selfishly, I'm glad it's just the two of us tonight.
My parents were overjoyed when I first told them that Carlisle and I were dating and that it was serious between us. Carlisle and my mom have developed an especially tight bond. Carlisle misses her own mother immensely, and my mom has welcomed filling the void and acting as a second mother to her.
I wish that the issues between Carlisle and her father’s second family had been resolved, but nothing much has changed. Regretfully, her dad still has never made amends for his behavior, nor has he made any effort to repair their broken bond. On our infrequent visits to Mississippi, he sweeps the past under the rug, making no mention of Carlisle’s mother or any of his prior misdeeds. Every trip back to her birthplace is a painful reminder of everything she lost when her mom died, so I support her choice whenever she declines one of her stepmother’s rare invitations.
The lights go down, signaling the end of the commercial break. Oscar attendees dash back to their seats as the orchestra plays. Last year’s winner for Best Actress in a Leading Role, Jessica Mervyn, glides towards the podium to announce this year’s nominees for Best Actor in a Leading Role. It’s a surreal moment hearing my name read aloud alongside some of Hollywood’s biggest and brightest talents.
Carlisle holds my hand in a death grip, cutting off the circulation. Despite my assertion that I wasn't nervous, my hand grows clammy.
I can't believe this is my life .
“And the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role goes to… Ben Sutton for his role as Martin in Losing Love ! This is the first Oscar and first nomination for Ben Sutton.”
My breath hitches in stunned amazement. Applause erupts around me. Hands pat me on the back. I turn to Carlisle and her beaming smile convinces me that I wasn't hallucinating when I heard the announcement. Carlisle stands and graces me with a quick kiss before urging me toward the stage to accept the award.
Holding the gold statuette in my hand, which is heavier than expected, I’m overcome with emotion. I seek out Carlisle in the audience. Her loving gaze and dimpled smile give me the confidence boost I need. Clearing my throat, I begin the acceptance speech that I hastily wrote this morning.
“There are so many people I need to thank who have helped me get to where I am now—standing here on this stage holding an Oscar. It's unreal. Thank you to my director, my producers, my wonderfully talented co-star Sheridan Finley, the many members of my team, and my family, but most especially to the love of my life, Carlisle. Without her love and support, I would not be where I am today, nor would I be the man I am today.
“Like the title of the movie, Losing Love , I almost lost her love very early in our relationship, and I thank God daily that she and I made our ways back to one another. Carlisle, thank you for sticking with me through the hard times so that we can enjoy these good times together. I love you more than you could ever know.”
CARLISL E
My feet are killing me because of the sky-high heels that Ben’s stylist convinced me to wear with my designer dress, and my lower back aches from standing in said shoes for hours. I’m literally counting down the minutes until we leave, so I can take off the two pairs of Spanx that this dress required.
Yes, one pair of Spanx wasn’t enough. Whoever said beauty was pain was dead right.
I love supporting Ben, but these events are stifling. Even though Ben and I have been together for over three years, I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten the hang of these fancy pants, hoity-toity parties. It's a lot for this small-town Mississippi girl.
We ran into Willa earlier at an after party tonight. Given how her fame has reached atmospheric heights, I wasn’t sure she would attend, but she did. It’s taken some time, but slowly Ben and Willa are rebuilding their friendship. It will never be the same as it was previously, but that’s life. Things change and evolve. The important thing is that the three of us harbor no ill will towards one another. She actually helped us out after Ben and I got back together.
As soon as the stories hit the news cycle about Ben and my relationship, there was a lot of public backlash on social media from the #Willen fans. Hateful comments, threats, and accusations. Speculation that I was the reason that Ben and Willa broke up. Then someone uncovered my address and posted it online. Overnight, Harper and I had dozens of paparazzi loitering outside our condo. It was the impetus Ben needed to convince me to officially move in with him.
Ben tried his best to subtly persuade fans that I had not been behind the downfall of his relationship with Willa, but he was stymied by the parameters of the studio’s NDA that he signed. There was so much that he couldn’t admit to or explain, but he communicated that he was in love with me, not Willa .
Unfortunately, no matter what we said or did, some of the crazies wouldn’t let it drop. I had to shut down comments and direct messages on my social media accounts for over a month, which was annoying and less than ideal since I was simultaneously trying to turn my cooking blog into a real revenue stream.
Once Ben realized that even with the intervention of his new PR team, the public harassment wasn’t going to stop on its own, he reached out to Willa for assistance. By that time, she was travelling the world, far away from the madness of the Hollywood tabloids. Kindly, she began posting photos of herself with a guy who she met on her travels. She never showed his face, nor did she ever explicitly state that they were together, but it was enough for most fans to realize that both Ben and Willa had both moved on and weren’t getting back together.
We knew that fans had finally given up hope of a reconciliation between Ben and Willa when the top trending hashtag across several social media platforms was #RIPWillen .
And then when the tabloids found out who Willa’s new beau was… whew, let’s just say the spotlight was off Ben and me. The worldwide press had a field day reporting on Willa’s new romance, and while she dislikes the public’s obsession, she knew that it was inevitable. So, though our roads to love were rocky, Willa and I have both found our happily-ever-afters.
After the debacle in Tokyo, I promised myself that I would never lose myself for a guy again. So, I’ve continued to treat my cooking accounts as a job, devoting my time and energy to creating new recipes and posting photos and videos regularly. Luckily, Ben loves to cook almost as much as I do, so when he isn’t working, he’s in the kitchen with me acting as my sous chef. He’s even made a few onscreen cameos in some of my recipe videos. Those videos always end up going viral. I love that he supports me just as much as I support him .
Teamwork makes the dream work.
And I’m trying to be a good teammate tonight, but it's late and I'm tired. We're at our third after party and we're listening to a studio exec regale us with grandiose stories from his past in Hollywood.
Ben’s arm hangs loosely around my waist, his fingers resting on my hip. He slides his eyes to mine and covertly raises an eyebrow, his way of subtly checking in on how I’m doing. He’s good like that. I toss him a reassuring smile. Despite my exhaustion, this is his night to celebrate, and I’m willing to stay for as long as he wants.
Ben pulls me into his chest for a hug, dropping a sweet kiss on the top of my head. “We’ll leave in a few minutes, babe,” he whispers in my ear, and I nod gratefully.
I’m glad he’s ready to leave. Because I have a surprise waiting for him at home.
Between the two of us, Ben is typically the one to surprise me with big, romantic overtures. Last year, he planned a surprise getaway for my birthday and rented out an entire island and invited Harper and Philip to join us. (Yep, they’re still together and very much in love.) Then there was the time when he told me that he wanted to take me to a French restaurant… and then whisked me off to Paris for the weekend.
While my surprise won’t come with the pomp and circumstance and extravagance that Ben’s surprises usually do, mine is going to be the best one yet.
Walking into our bedroom, I kick off my heels and feel the tension in my body unravel. It feels good to be home.
“Help me undress?” I sweep my hair over my shoulder.
“Gladly.” His fingers deftly unhook the tiny buttons at the nape of my neck, sending a delicious shiver down my spine. Ben sprinkles the column of my neck with gentle kisses and my head lolls to the side at the sensation of his mouth nipping my skin.
I need to stay focused and follow through with my plan. Stepping away, I hold the bodice of my gown to my chest so that it doesn’t fall to my waist. “Get your comfy clothes on and meet me downstairs,” I tell him over my shoulder. Then I walk into the master closet to change clothes.
Good God, the bliss I feel when I peel off my Spanx is nearly orgasmic.
Once I’m dressed in pajamas, I re-enter the bedroom to find Ben lounging on the edge of the bed, still dressed in his rumpled tux and petting Wally. Ben’s jacket is off, and his bow tie hangs around his collar with several buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. He looks like a GQ model.
“Are you sure we need to go down there? I can think of plenty of things that we can do without leaving the room.” His voice is rough and sexy and laced heavily with innuendo.
I refuse to fall prey to his potent masculinity though. "Yep, I'm sure." I waltz out of the room without a backwards glance. Ben issues a disgruntled grumble.
In the kitchen, I pull out the homemade pasta I made earlier in the day and start frying up some bacon. Real bacon, none of that healthy turkey bacon tonight. This is a celebratory late-night dinner, after all. Spaghetti carbonara is one of Ben’s favorite pasta dishes and it’s the perfect dish to make tonight. It’s fast to prepare and the carbs and grease will help soak up the alcohol he drank at the after parties .
While the food smells divine, it’s the sight of Ben that causes my mouth to water when he strolls into the kitchen a few minutes later. I love him in a tuxedo, but it doesn’t get much sexier than a plain white tee stretched over his muscular chest and arms, soft knit joggers that sit low on his hips, bare feet, and mussed hair.
“What’s all this?” He gestures to the kitchen table that I set with fancy plates and decorated with fresh flowers. Atop his plate sits a small, gift-wrapped present.
“I got you a little surprise.”
Honestly, it was a surprise to me too.
He smirks. “What if I hadn’t won?”
“Then it would have made one hell of a consolation prize.”
His hands, which had been behind his back, swing forward. I spy a small gift bag which he holds out for me to take. “Great minds think alike. I got you something too.”
Stretching up on my tiptoes, I kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Ben. But you go first. Open it.”
I’m too nervous about my gift to even think about opening the present he bought me. I narrow my lips into a straight line and clasp my clammy hands together as I watch him unwrap the small, rectangular box.
Hesitating, he gently shakes the box before removing the lid. “Is it a watch?” he guesses.
“Oh my god, just open it!” The suspense is killing me, and I know what’s inside.
Pulling off the top, he looks inside. His wide-eyed gaze bounces up to meet my own, a look of concern knitting his brows together. He withdraws the white plastic stick. “Is this… are you… pregnant?”
I nod slowly, anxiety filling my gut while I await his reaction to this life-altering news. “I know we didn’t plan it. Apparently, I wasn’t consistent enough at taking my birth control at the same time every day while we were traveling abroad. I’m sure it comes as a shock—"
“Stop talking, babe. This is the best news—the best gift—that you could have ever given me.” Ben whoops and sweeps me up in a huge hug, lifting my feet from the floor and twirling me around the kitchen. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby!”
My nerves dissipate immediately as I literally feel the happiness radiating through him. Setting me back down on my feet, Ben kneels in front of me, lifting my top and reverently pressing his hands to my still mostly flat stomach. I thread my fingers through his hair, as he looks up at me. His eyes filled awe; I know he is going to be the best father to our child.
“Open your gift now,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.
As my fingers fumble to open the bag. Inside, I find a Tiffany box and I know it’s another charm to add to my bracelet. “We’ll have to add some type of baby charm soon too,” I whisper through my happy tears as I lift the lid.
I assume that the charm he’s giving me tonight will be a little gold statue to commemorate his Oscar win, so when I lift the lid to find a small golden charm of a diamond solitaire ring, I gasp, my hand flying to my mouth.
Continuing to kneel in front of me, Ben says, “Babe, I will never love another person better or greater than I love you. You’re everything to me, my whole world, my best friend, my lover, and now you’re going to be the mother of my child. When I found you, I found my home. Over these past three years, you have made me happier than I ever thought I could be, and I want a lifetime of happiness with you. Carlisle Elizabeth Matthews, will you marry me?”
From the pocket of his sweatpants, he fishes out a ring box and opens it. Inside lies a gorgeous, classic diamond solitaire .
The tears flow down my cheeks, as I sputter ecstatically, “Yes, yes, yes!”
Sometimes things happen in life that tilt your axis and knock you off course, forever changing your destiny. Sometimes these events are monumentally huge, like winning the lottery or receiving a terminal medical diagnosis.
But sometimes the events that change your life the most are so small, so seemingly inconsequential, that you don’t notice their importance in the moment. It’s only in retrospect that you realize how that one tiny decision forever shifted the trajectory of your life.
You know, like answering a wrong number.