Chapter 26 #2
He’s holding the “Thank you” letter I received this morning from the charity I donate every one of his repayments to. I don’t know why I haven’t told him this before, and with the panicked look on his face, I realize I should have.
“What is this, Ethan? It has my name on it. It says I’ve paid over three thousand dollars to this charity.”
His words come out in a rush, and I go over to stand next to him. I place my hands on his shoulders, angling his body to face me .
“When I lent you the money, I didn’t want you to pay me back, but I knew you wouldn’t take it otherwise.
I had no hidden agenda—I just didn’t want to see you and Alex struggle anymore.
It was something I could easily fix, and I was an outsider for you, so it was fine.
I mean, if Blaine had offered the money, it would have become complicated if something happened between him and Alex.
I donated all the money you repaid me to a charity that funds research and cares for those diagnosed with leukemia, in honor of your grandma. ”
His eyes turn glassy with unshed tears, his chest starting to tremble with his ragged breaths. The letter in his hand begins to shake.
Shit.
Please don’t be mad at me, I want to beg.
“I’m sorry if that was out of line. I didn't mean to?—”
Jacob drops the letter back on the counter, then reaches up to take my face in both hands and presses his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. I wrap my arms around him, bringing him close and holding him as I feel his tears hitting my cheeks.
I don’t know how long we stand like that. Peppering of gentle kisses, just a silent communication of love and gratitude. When Jacob pulls away and rests his forehead against my chest, his body shudders slightly as he quietly sobs.
Quickly glancing over my shoulder to make sure the kids are okay, I place my fingers beneath his chin, I gently lift his head. Those blue eyes are shining like the ocean.
“I hope you’re not angry at me or think I’ve overstepped, but I don’t regret doing it. I know how much you wish you could’ve done more for your grandma, so this was my way of honoring her and the wonderful job she did—they did—raising you and Alex.”
He shakes his head a few times, wiping his eyes. He gives me a wobbly smile as he croaks, “Thank you.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No.” He laughs softly. “Of course not. How could I be mad, Ethan?” He places his hand on my chest, smoothing his palm over my heart. “It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
I raise my hand, brushing his hair off his forehead before cupping his cheek.
“I don’t want you to pay me back, J. I don’t care about that at all. I want to be with you. What’s mine is yours. I just want you to be happy, and hopefully your happiness will include me.” I give him a lopsided grin.
His choked laughter is like music to my ears. I can’t help but grin wider.
“I’m sorry I doubted you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Your feelings were completely valid, J. I was an asshole?—”
“Bad word!” Isabela interrupts from where she sits on the couch.
Jacob smothers his laughter with his hand as I grimace.
“Sorry, kid,” I say over my shoulder before focusing on Jacob again.
“I was an idiot, and I let my negative thoughts win. I’m sorry for shutting you out when all I wanted to do was let you in. I’m so fucking sorry.” This last bit is more of a whisper in case Isabela is still paying attention, which I’m pretty sure she is.
“Ethan, I need you to remember I’m not them.
I’m not your father or Ian. I’m not going to demand you give me all your time or make you choose between me and your career.
I want to be there with you. I want to be there when you come back from your games so you can tell me about your day and I can tell you about mine.
” He pats my chest once. “I want to be your partner. I want to support you in every way, just as much as I want you to rely on me, but you have to let me in. We have to be in this together.”
Leaning down, I take his lips in a gentle kiss, telling him without words how fucking incredible he is, how much he means to me, and how much I want to be his.
How much I want us .
“Aw!” I hear Isabela giggle. I knew she was listening, the tiny eavesdropper. “Cute!”
“So gross,” Ryan grimaces.
I glance over my shoulder to see her with her head in her hands, Isabela’s nose scrunching up adorably, looking like butter wouldn’t melt. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”
“I know!” she answers gleefully.
Jacob bursts into laughter. “She’s really adorable.”
I kiss his nose.
I love you, is on the tip of my tongue. But I swallow it down.
It’s too soon for that.
One step at a time.
A little while later, we’re lazing on the couch watching a movie that Isabela picked out.
She’s snuggled up against my side and struggling to stay awake.
Ryan’s sitting on the other side of Jacob, playing a game on my iPad.
Jackson called ten minutes ago to say he’s on his way to pick them up, and I can’t stop myself from smiling.
I’m just so fucking happy right now. I can see this in my future—Jacob and I together, our kids sitting next to us. A family of our own.
As if he can hear my thoughts, Jacob tilts his head up to look at me, a knowing smile on his lips. I lean down, pressing a soft kiss to them before whispering, “Will you stay?”
He nods.
I glance down at Isabela as the intercom beeps. She’s fast asleep, her mouth hanging open.
“Can you get it, please?” I ask Jacob. “It’s Jackson.”
He kisses me gently and gets up. I hear him talking to Andrew, and the door clicks open moments later. I slowly pry Isabela’s hand off my stomach and scoop her up in my arms. She’s like a rag doll, her limbs all floppy.
“Wow,” he whispers as he laughs quietly. “You’ve gotta teach me how you managed that because the only time I can get her to nap is in the car.”
I jut my chin toward my arm, where the pen didn’t wash off. “I was the canvas.”
Jackson shakes his head. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s no trouble, as long as she had fun.” I transfer Isabela over to her dad as Ryan shows up behind me. He gives both me and Jacob a high five, then heads to the door.
“Thank you for this. I really appreciate it,” Jackson emphasizes.
I wave him off. “Anytime. If you ever want a day to yourself to sit in your boxers and watch baseball, give me a call. We’ll take them out for the day.”
Jackson looks between me and Jacob, a slow smile spreading on his face. “I’m happy for you—for both of you. I’m glad you finally pulled your head out of your ass, Parkes.”
I guffaw and flip him the middle finger. “Fuck you, Wilde.”
Jackson grins, returning the gesture with his free hand.
We say our goodbyes, not before I promise Ryan we’ll have a scrimmage next week, and when the door closes, I turn to face Jacob, pulling him against me.
“So, Blaine said I needed your help?”
He grins, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “I think he was meddling.”
I hum. “It sounds like it, but I’m glad you came today.”
I run my fingers through his soft hair, admiring the delicate lines of his face. His high cheekbones, the slope of his nose. The dip in his cupid's bow. The smoothness of his skin.
He’s so fucking perfect. How am I so lucky that this man, with the biggest heart I’ve even known, wants to be with me?
Would he want us to live together?
It feels too soon for that, but this apartment has never felt like home to me.
It’s been a landing pad, a safe space for me to hide away from prying eyes and the pressure of my job, but Jacob has a home.
The home he grew up in. It has seen some monumental moments, both joyous and sad, but Jacob’s home is a home.
And wherever he is, is my home .
“Stop thinking so hard,” he tells me, running his hands up my chest.
“I’m not.”
He tilts his head. “I can practically hear you thinking.”
“I guess you know me too well.” I huff a laugh.
“Tell me. Whatever it is. If this is going to work, you need to be open and honest with me.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I brush a strand of hair from his face and take a deep breath.
“In time, I mean, not right now, as I know it’s too soon, but eventually, maybe…Would you like to move in together?”
His eyebrows raise slightly. “Oh, wow. I mean, of course.” He frowns. “Is that what you were worried about? That I would say no?”
I shrug.
Jacob smiles, sighing. “Ethan, if we’re in a relationship, it would make perfect sense for us to move in together eventually. Why would you even doubt this? It would just take me some time to come to terms with leaving my home.”
“That’s the thing—what if you didn’t?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I moved in there with you and sold this place? We could redecorate or renovate. Whatever you want.”
His eyes widen. “You’d do that? But this apartment is gorgeous.”
“It is. It’s good for what I needed it to be, and it made sense to me. But Peyton described it as my ivory tower the other day, and it’s exactly that. It’s not a home, not really, but your house is. ”
Tugging his bottom lip between his teeth, Jacob eyes me for a moment before his face morphs into the sweetest smile.
“You are an incredible man, Ethan Parkes. Did you know that?”
I wrap my arms around his waist and lean down, kissing his mouth with abandon.
“Mmm, I’m not sure. Maybe you can tell me that a few more times,” I say against his lips, grabbing his ass to lift him up, and carry him into my bedroom where I plan to lose myself in him.