Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
DEREK
Music blasted through my headphones as I dressed in our uniform, ready for the game.
I listened to Rosie's newest gut-wrenching playlist, which wasn't the best pump-up music before our…
my first game. The first game where I was actually going to play.
I still wasn't sure if I was going to be a starter.
Coach and Max haven't told me much, but I've been busting my ass all week to show I'm doing better.
Opening up to Rosie, not just my therapist, helped me accept my position and move on, but the way she pulled away when I was about to kiss her messed with my head.
Did I misread the signs? No. I knew she wanted it, yet she pulled away, and I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I was convinced she wanted it, and the only reason I hesitated was out of respect for Aaron. But by the time I decided fuck it and kiss her, she was already on the other side of the bench, swallowing her tears.
I didn't get it, and it frustrated me.
I wished she would talk to me, but other than sending me “If You’re Still Listening” at 3 am, we haven't talked.
And I missed her. I knew she was coming to the game, and I wanted to talk to her.
But first, I wanted to play my first game and put this nightmare of recovery behind me.
I needed to be as focused as I could so I wouldn’t screw up.
It was bad enough that my anxiety was skyrocketing, and I was overthinking the whole 'almost kiss' scenario.
It would be best to clear the air, but I was locked in on my game.
“Hey, you okay?” Max grabbed my shoulder and flashed me a grin. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I nodded my head in agreement, ignoring the way his dark eyes bore into me. “Who's starting?”
I saw his grin falter for a moment, and my heart sank.
No matter how many times we stayed in the past weeks after everyone else left, and practiced free kicks.
How many early mornings I put in. I even joined them on their early-morning runs, pushing my body to the limit.
I put in the work, I missed out on two games already, and being benched again after being given the false hope sucked.
“I want Seb to start, just to test the waters, but I will sub him for you. Coach and I both think you can't do a full 90 minutes, but I want you out there with me.”
It sucked, being told to sit it out, but there was still a glimmer of hope that maybe at some point, I'll be playing.
“Of course,” I pasted a smile on my face and nodded. “I totally get it.”
And while I did, it didn't take away from how much it sucked.
I reached for my hoodie and pulled it over my head, as there was no need to sit in my uniform.
My stomach knotted from the anger as my teammates spilled onto the field, and I took my seat on the bench next to the other alternates.
Max, Aaron, and Maddox stood close by, staring above me, probably waving at the girl who wore their jerseys in support.
Aaron's lips twisted in a sour smile as he shook his head at the same time my Apple Watch buzzed.
I didn't have my phone on me, but I still saw the message and the image come through on the small screen.
We can't wait to see you on the field.
The attached photo made my heart melt. Nova, Daisy, Ivy, and Rosalie wore my jersey as they were blowing kisses to the camera.
I wasn't surprised Nova chose mine, but the fact that Ivy wore it despite her superstar boyfriend being the main action did.
But most of all, my heart did a little happy dance as I stared at Rosie's flushed cheeks as she sported my jersey.
If I thought she looked sexy in workout clothes, seeing her in my jersey was a hundred times sexier. She wore simple jeans and tied my shirt, exposing a bit of her midriff. She looked cute as hell, and I really wanted to kiss her.
Again.
“All of them are wearing your jersey,” Sebastian muttered to me as he passed by. “Talk about having no support.”
“Well, you're still starting,” I shrugged, looking up. It felt great to know people believed in me, even if my team captain didn't.
“I would be very careful with Rosie,” he lowered his voice, malice lacing his words. “You know how overprotective Aaron is.”
“In case you missed it, everyone is wearing my jersey, and I don't see you giving me advice on Ivy or Nova.” I arched a brow as my heart hammered in my chest.
I was indeed on thin ice with my unrealistic feelings towards Rosie, and I needed to be careful.
The game around me started as I settled into my seat, allowing the phantom pain in my knee to pulse through me. I knew the signs of fake pain when my brain was playing with me, and I knew real pain. Distinguishing the two was the hardest lesson I was learning.
My knee bounced as my team scored within the first ten minutes.
The Greenwood Alligators stood no chance when Maddox and Max executed a perfectly choreographed piece.
They worked together seamlessly, and it always surprised me that Maddox never made it to the National Team.
But now with Ander out there was a big opening in our age group for another midfielder. I hoped he made it.
It was hard not to notice the small things when looking from the outside.
I've never been on the bench before, and seeing the play develop and mistakes happen from the outside was a great learning opportunity that helped me identify them once on the field.
That was the whole reason game tape watching existed.
But seeing it all play out and not being able to do anything about it was even more frustrating.
Another ball made it into the goal, and I cheered together with my team, despite feeling the sour taste in my mouth as I swallowed. They were gonna sub me in once they made sure there was no pressure on me.
And just as I predicted, Coach ordered the swap, sending me to warm up as he signaled to the referee. Just minutes later, a very sweaty Sebastian appeared, and we shook hands before I stepped onto the field.
I might have blacked out from the happiness of being back playing, but I wanted to stay grounded and present. It seemed like time slowed as the whole stadium screamed my name and cheered me on.
This was it; it was all worth it to be standing here again.
Glancing up, my eyes immediately found Rosie, who cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed, making me laugh.
Max and Maddox jogged over, and they both slapped me on the back. “You ready to be back?”
“Ready as I'll ever be,” I nodded, pushing down the small fear still lingering in my body.
I could do this, I was stronger and smarter now.
No one wanted to hurt me.
After that slow-motion of entry, time seemed to pass at double speed. I was suddenly back in the grind of chasing the ball, positioning, and keeping as much distance from the opposing team as possible.
“Stop avoiding contact,” Maddox shouted at me at some point, but I couldn't help myself. Having a stranger at my back was fucking triggering.
I forced myself closer to them during the second half, positioning myself in the right place.
My heart rate was double my usual one. A slight tremble ran through my body as I struggled with my growing panic and with being grounded.
Instead, I focused on my breathing as I let my body remember what to do.
I wasn’t back 100%. I still slipped up, and I was freaking out internally most of the time, but on the outside, I looked cool and collected.
But it sucked when Max decided to take the goal shot instead of passing it to me.
The guy who last year had to be forced to take a shot and not question himself scored so seamlessly that I would have been impressed under any other circumstances.
Everyone cheered as we were winning 3-0, but the trust between my best friend and me crumbled on the field.
He could have passed it on; we were winning. There was no reason for him to take the shot.
“I'm sorry,” he muttered, coming over to me as the referee concluded the game and the team gathered to walk off after shaking hands with our opponents.
“No worries,” I mumbled, disappointment barely hidden from my voice. Max furrowed his brows as he watched me.
“You're upset.”
Several remarks crossed my mind, but I was so fucking upset and annoyed that I didn't even have the energy to utter a comeback.
Instead, I only shrugged and walked off.
Sweat drenched my jersey as I ignored my best friend calling after me and passing the opposing team's and our own changing rooms. I headed for the exit.
“Dex!” People waited and lingered there, but I couldn't even force myself to smile at them. I used to love this part. Coming out where everyone was cheering my name, seeing all the girls decked out in my jersey, fighting over my attention.
Now all I wanted to do was disappear. I offered a shitty wave before I made my move to my car. My knee ached with phantom pain as I picked up my pace, my attention zeroed in on my car.
My safety.
People still called after me, but I shut everything out and focused on that one simple task of getting to my vehicle.
Fumbling with the keycard, I unlocked the door and sank into the driver’s seat with the same swift motion, jerking the door to close.
The familiar thud of a door shutting never came as resistance pulled the door open.
I let out an annoyed sigh as I looked up, not wanting to argue with my best friend or entertain a fan. I just wanted to be alone.
But instead, I was met with kind blue eyes and a beautiful heart-shaped face. Her pink lips were parted, allowing her to take rapid breaths from chasing me. Her braids were messy, and a couple of hairs slipped out of them, and now they framed her face. She looked messy, yet beautiful.
And wearing my jersey.
“I'm driving,” she said, flashing me a sweet smile as she leaned against the door. “As soon as I caught my breath.”
I smiled, despite my shitty mood. “Think you're passenger princess material.”