18. Maddox #2
Oh, god. I’m going to fall flat on my face and make a massive fool of myself. “Killian, no.”
“Killian, yes.”
I stutter and give him lame excuses for why this is a bad idea, ranging from complaining about the crowd to saying I’d much rather do anything else.
I even almost pull out my trump card and tell him I can suck him off instead, because that’s how desperate I am to not let him see how bad I am at what he loves.
But Killian takes each one of my complaints in stride, and because I can’t fight the grin that spreads across my face, we both know how unconvincing I’m being.
“I want to do something I’m good at for a change,” he tells me as we walk to the rink.
Killian grabs my hand, which makes me stall for a moment, but then I intertwine my fingers with his.
His other hand holds a pair of skates that he took from the back of his car, and it occurs to me why the other week he randomly asked me if I owned a pair.
I figured it was part of his usual chatter and thought little of it.
Has he been planning this since then ?
Killian says, “We’re always doing what you’re good at, after all.”
“What, statistics?”
“Yup!”
I give him a baffled look.
“All right, fine,” I tell him. “But if I fall every other second, you’re not allowed to laugh.”
“Aw, babe, I’d never let you fall.” He pauses and an impish grin spreads across his face. “Unless it’s falling for me.”
“Oh, that was a bad one.”
“Then why are you blushing?”
I shove him. “It’s cold.”
The outside rink is crowded with couples and families, but Killian booked tickets in advance and there’s—unfortunately—no chance of us not getting in.
Guess I just have to accept that he’s going to see how bad I am at this and just hope he still likes me afterward.
We grab some rentals for me and finally head out to the ice, and Killian’s giddy with excitement.
It’s contagious. I’m actually finding out that I can’t wait to do this with him.
I know how to keep myself upright—mostly.
I struggle to remember how to move around, which would probably be easier if there weren’t kids zooming past me.
Killian’s having the time of his life, though, and he holds his hand out to me and grins.
It doesn’t even occur to me to turn him down.
I simply grab him and let him pull me along.
As usual, Killian endlessly chatters, even if I’m distracted by trying not to fall over. It’s annoying how effortless this is for him. He’s smooth on the ice, as if it’s second nature, and I don’t even mind when he puts an arm around my waist and guides me through the crowd of people.
And, okay, fine. Maybe this is fun. I get more pumped up as my body remembers how to do this, and when it becomes easier, I beam with pride. Yeah. I can do this.
We both take a break—fine, it’s my idea, and he only follows my lead—and lean against the barriers. Killian throws one arm over the low wall and keeps his other around me. It’s not even to steady me. I think he just wants to touch me.
“Having fun?” he asks.
“Surprisingly, yes.”
“Hi, Coach Killian!” a teenaged boy shouts from behind us.
Blinking, Killian looks over his shoulder. I don’t miss the way his eyes light up.
“Hey there, Jack!” he calls out. The boy waves enthusiastically at him before skating off to his family. Killian leans to me and says lowly, “That kid’s part of the program that trains at our home rink. Not sure why he calls me Coach, though, because I’m just a volunteer.”
I tap his cheek. “You seem to like it.”
“Hmm. Yeah, I enjoy volunteering. It’s fun teaching kids about hockey. I love it when they get excited when they’re able to do something they haven’t been able to do before.”
“I guess that’s one thing we have in common. We both like teaching, I mean.”
Killian’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit, you’re right. I didn’t even realize that.”
“You mentioned you don’t know what to do after graduation,” I mumble. “Maybe you should coach.”
His expression falls. I instantly regret what I said, even if I tried to do it as tactfully as I could. Killian tilts his head to the side, and he gazes at the sea of skaters before us.
“Maybe,” he says unsurely. I’m not sure if he’s truly considering it or if he’s only saying that because he thinks it’s what I want to hear, but there’s a hitch in his voice that I dislike.
I can’t stand seeing him upset, even if he tries to hide it. It makes me want to protect him.
“I don’t know what Dad would say to that,” he adds. Killian admits it in a way that pains me.
I know I should drop it. It’s clearly a sensitive subject, and I don’t want to ruin the day.
He needs to hear what I have to say, though.
“Killian. ”
Snapping his attention back to me, Killian meets my eyes. “Yup?”
“The only one who has a say in your future is you.”
His mouth parts as if I said something that wasn’t absurdly obvious. For a moment, he just studies me. He does it in a really intense way that makes me want to look away, but I don’t. I take it as a challenge to hold his gaze.
Then Killian lets out a soft huff and his shoulders slacken. “I love that you care so much.”
What the?
I roll my eyes and push him, making him titter.
We stand there in comfortable silence for a while, both of us watching the crowd in front of us. Laughter and loud voices fill the air, and there’s also music being played. When Killian tightens his hold around me, I lean toward him and rest my head against his shoulder.
“Thanks for agreeing to come,” he says. “Guess I’m not angry anymore.”
“You were angry?” Nothing about his demeanor today suggested that.
“Yeah, because you said you wouldn’t leave me last night and you did.”
“Oh.” I chuckle. “You passed out, and I didn’t know how you’d feel about me staying the night.”
“I would’ve wanted you to, but it’s okay. I feel bad for not making you come, though.”
That makes me splutter in surprise, and I rapidly look around to make sure nobody overheard us. Glowering at him, I say, “Can you please behave?”
Killian only grins at me. “I really am glad to be on this date with you, though. Honestly. You seemed upset with me this morning.”
“Like I said, I wasn’t expecting you to show up.”
“Why not? We had plans.”
I shrug and bite my lower lip .
He lets go of my waist to hold me by the back of my head, pushing me to lean against him more. God, he smells so good. “I think you’re not telling me the whole truth.”
“I don’t want to ruin the day by telling you,” I admit.
“Nah. Please tell me.”
Silence envelops me as I debate with myself. Should I tell him the truth? What if he gets offended? But then he presses his lips against my temple, and I pretty much melt against him.
“Like I said last night… I’m not used to guys wanting to see me after we’ve fooled around,” I tell him, my voice weak. He instantly stiffens at that admission. I try for a laugh, but it only comes out bitter-sounding. “Usually, after they’ve gotten what they want, I don’t hear from them again.”
“What the hell, Maddox?” he mutters. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry I even thought about that. Force of habit. I have trust issues and that’s not on you. Most guys who are into me only want a one-night stand. They only like my looks and nothing else.”
“I like everything about you.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, right.”
He puts a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my jaw. “It’s true, though. Even before I actually spoke to you, I knew you were something else. That’s why I watched you all the time.”
Warmth spreads within me, and I rub the back of my neck and look down, unsure of how to respond. How can he even say these things without blinking an eye?
Killian kisses my hair. “Sure, your pretty face is what caught my attention at first… then I saw how confident you were, and also how unbothered. People would turn their heads at you, and you’d just keep walking like you never noticed.
It fascinated me. I’d see you at the cafeteria sometimes, or the library, tutoring someone.
You always look like you love what you do.
Always. I saw a girl hug you once while she was thanking you, and your smile was so gorgeous I wished it was because of me. ”
I still say nothing. Honestly, maybe I’ve lost the ability to speak. It doesn’t stop him, though.
“And when I finally got to know you?” he asks. “God, it only made me more obsessed. I love how sure you are about where you want to be. It’s such a fucking turn-on.”
“Killian…” I croak, finally finding my voice.
“You’re gorgeous, and that’s definitely what I noticed first. But getting to know the real parts of you is what kept me from staying away.
” Killian kisses me, on the cheek this time.
“I’m not sure if you believe me, but that’s all right.
I’ll just have to keep saying these things again and again until you stop doubting it. ”
I suck in a slow breath. And because I’ve apparently forgotten how to talk once more, I put my finger on his chin instead and slowly guide him toward me. He smiles against my mouth when I kiss him.
This man. Honestly.
He’s slowly dismantling every one of my insecurities, piece by piece, and he does it so effortlessly.