24. Killian
Killian
D espite Maddox saying that we have an early morning, neither of us actually falls asleep. How could I, when I’ve just had sex with the most incredible man ever and now he’s in my arms? I’m wide awake, and I’m never getting a moment of peace in my life again.
I end up talking and talking. At some point, even I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.
Maddox doesn’t seem to mind. He mumbles soft responses to me as I run my fingers against his scalp.
Neither of us bothered to put on any clothes, though we’ve got a thick comforter covering us, and I absently stare at the city lights outside our window.
The lights cast an ethereal glow on Maddox’s face, highlighting the ends of his light brown hair and the soft edges of his face.
It’s unbelievable how beautiful he is. It’s no wonder that I’ve been enamored since the first moment I saw him.
I’ve met no one as thoughtful, caring, and empathetic as him.
When we lost tonight, I sought his face in the crowd and I could see him forcing a smile at me.
But he knew—he definitely knew my heart was breaking, and that’s why he’s been indulging me all night.
It’s no secret that I crave affection and touch, which is why I’m always hugging him and keeping him close, but what I don’t think he realizes is he’s the same way.
Back in the hospital, when we were waiting for Rhys, he’s the one who pulled me down to rest on his lap. I swear I vibrated with happiness.
“Killian,” he mumbles, interrupting my thoughts. “How did you get a scar on your eyebrow?”
“Took a skate to the face.”
The hand he has on my hip tightens. “Why weren’t you wearing a helmet?”
I snicker. “Well, I was nine and thought I was invincible.”
“A-are you serious?”
“Yeah. I was messing around at an outdoor rink with my brothers, and they said I couldn’t skate as fast as them because my legs were shorter.
Wanted to prove them wrong and went all out, but then Gerald had to slow down because he was going to crash into another kid, and I was going too fast—ended up colliding into him, and his blade hit me on the brow. ”
“God, Killian,” he hisses. Not sure why he’s annoyed by something that happened years ago. “You’re lucky it didn’t hit you in the eye.”
“Yeah, that’s what Dad said, too! He was furious. He kept calling me reckless all the way to the emergency room.”
Maddox frowns. “He yelled at you while you were hurt?”
“Well, yeah. He was mostly upset because Mom passed out when she saw all the blood. Mom’s quite sickly, and Dad’s extremely protective of her.”
“Still…” He chews on his lower lip, his brows furrowing, and I grin at him to ease his tension. It doesn’t work.
“I know my dad seems rough around the edges, especially with how hard he can be on me,” I say. “He’s always been more strict with me than with my brothers because Mom had a difficult pregnancy with me, and her health never recovered after that.”
Maddox’s frown deepens. “Please don’t tell me he blames you for that.”
“No, of course not.” I place my hand on his face and rub his jaw. “But Dad hates it when Mom gets distressed and that’s why he was way more hands-on with me than with my two older brothers. Unfortunately for him, I think I’m also way more troublesome than Gerald and Tristan ever were.”
Honestly? I kind of get why Dad is the way he is. The way he fusses over Mom and would do anything for her, and how he protects her, is something I can relate to.
If I saw anybody even attempt to harm Maddox—again—there’s no telling what I would do.
Maddox taps the scar on my chin, and I watch the slow smile he gives me. He asks, “And this? Where did you get this?”
“Fell off a tree and hit my face against a sharp rock.”
“What? How old were you?”
“Nine. It happened about a week after the ice skating incident. I was bored and wanted to prove to my brothers I could climb the tree in our backyard.”
He pulls away and stares at me, his mouth parted and his eyebrows furrowed. “What? Holy shit, Killian. You never gave your parents any peace, did you?”
I grin. “That’s why they got me into a sport… something about expending my energy in a healthy and safe way. Something that would keep me from constantly hurting myself because I was bored.”
“And they went with hockey, of all things?”
“Yeah, they didn’t think it through. It worked out, though, because I don’t think I would have enjoyed any other sport as much.”
Giving me a slight nod, he continues to thumb at the scar on my chin. “You really love hockey a lot, huh?”
“It’s my life.”
A beat passes. Maddox then says, softly, “You should interview for that summer camp position Isaac mentioned.”
“Huh? Why?” How does he even know about that?
“Because you love hockey, you’re good at coaching kids, and you enjoy it.”
Maddox says it as if it’s that simple. It sounds like an appealing job, but …
“Can’t,” I tell him. “Dad would lose his mind.” I mimic my dad’s dry voice. “Killian, hockey is your strong suit, and you have the chance to go pro. Don’t waste that.”
“But you don’t want to go pro.”
A soft, tired sigh escapes me. “No, but what else would I be doing?”
“Coaching kids.”
From how his voice is growing impatient and how a scowl is forming, I can tell he’s getting irritated. I run my fingers through his hair again and massage his scalp, smiling when he hums and visibly relaxes his shoulders.
It’s pointless to argue with Maddox because he’s making all the right points, and because I agree with him—but telling Dad I won’t be following the path he wants petrifies me.
We may not get along, but Dad’s always had my best interests in mind.
He can get carried away and be too controlling about it, but he’s always been like that.
The thought of disappointing him frightens me.
And I get it, because I’m the son who’s never been good at school. I’m the impulsive, careless one who does whatever I want. It’s the reason he’s constantly calling me to ask me about how school and everything else is going.
All Dad wants is for me to end up stable like my brothers, and he believes that continuing to play this sport is going to get me there.
But today? When we lost?
My gaze snapped to where the scouts were, and that not a single one of them had their eyes on me lifted a weight off my shoulders.
It was horrible and selfish of me to have those thoughts because my teammates were fighting so hard to win, and I swear I was, too, but…
when it was all over? When the scoreboard showed we lost and were out of the tournament?
That an agent surely wouldn’t want me now?
It made the load on my shoulders a lot lighter, because the chances of a team wanting me now are next to nothing, and I won’t have to go through the painful process of telling Dad I don’t want what he wants for me .
I tell Maddox just that. “I don’t think my dad’s going to get what he wants. Even if I’m supposedly having a breakout year, no team will want me now after today’s mess.”
He looks unsure of what to say to that, though he gives me a slight nod. “How do you feel about that?”
“Annoyed because Dad’s probably going to be critical about me not trying harder anyway.” I snicker. “Though, to be fair, I’m used to it, and it’s not as if he’s wrong about me not having anything else going for me.”
His expressions hardens. “I don’t like it when you joke that way.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
Fuck, he’s so cute. The way he can get so defensive of me gets to me. It makes my heart thrum in my chest, makes me want to kiss him again—so I do. I place a finger under his chin and tip his face toward me, kissing him until we’re once again breathless.
“You need to talk to your dad,” Maddox murmurs after he’s pulled away from me.
“It’s… shit, I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want to play pro. It freaks me out a bit. I know that I need to man up and have a proper conversation with him, but just thinking about how he’d react? How disappointed he’d be? It’s scary. That’s why I keep putting it off.”
“I can come with you. Would that help?”
“Y-yeah.” Laughing, I nod. “Maybe. I don’t know. Having you around does make things a lot easier for me.”
That makes Maddox smile, though I’m not sure why. “Then I’ll be there when you talk to him. I promise. So go interview for the coaching job, Killian. Tell me you will.”
Since I don’t have any sensible arguments for not agreeing, I nod.
“Text Isaac right now,” he demands.
I snort, about to point out the time, but Maddox glowers at me until I take my phone out and do just what he ordered.
“I don’t even know if I’m going to graduate,” I tease. “My tutor has kind of gotten softer on me and most of our study sessions have turned into make-out sessions. ”
“They have not,” he grumbles.
He’s right. They haven’t. Maddox is still strict with his tutoring even if I’d much rather make out. I think it’s cute how grumpy he gets when I beg him to give me more breaks, though.
His eyes flutter half-closed and he yawns behind his hand. Maddox sleepily burrows against my arm, his hair tickling my bare skin. “Which reminds me…” he mumbles. “Finals are in a month. How are you in your other classes?”
“I think statistics and economics are my biggest problems.”
“Okay,” he says softly. “I’ll help you study economics, too.”
“What, you’ll squeeze it in during our tutoring sessions?”
“No. We’re doubling the time we study.”
“What?” I groan. “No!”
“I’ll help you prepare for your interview, too. For now, sleep.” Maddox places a hand over my eyes. I laugh, grab his wrist, and pull his hand away.
“Babe, I really appreciate it, but why on Earth would you want to do all that for me? Surely you’ve got a lot of stuff on your plate already, with your job, your thesis, and everything else.”
“Because I care about you,” he says simply.
Ah…
Smiling slightly, he gives me a sleepy look. I watch him for a long moment, and Maddox doesn’t say anything about it. Maybe he’s probably gotten used to the fact that I would stare at him during all my waking hours if I could.
I can’t help it. Maddox really is the most gorgeous person ever, inside and out.
“Hey, Maddox?” I say, pressing my lips against his palm.
He blinks at me slowly. “Hmm?”
“I really like you.”
Maddox’s mouth parts. He looks at me for a long time, and then his surprise melts into something much gentler. Maddox smiles at me softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I guessed, considering you just gave me the biggest orgasm of my life. ”
I chuckle and cup his jaw. “I know it’s obvious and doesn’t need to be said, but I want to say it anyway. I like you so much that it scares me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, and you don’t have to say anything, but I just wanted you to know that.”
“Killian,” he chokes out. Maddox’s cheeks flush and he laughs, his fingers trailing down my arm. “I really like you, too.”
Hearing that loosens something in my chest, even more so when he straddles me. He leans down, his elbows on either side of my head, and kisses me with soft lips.
God.
I’m completely gone for this man.