Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Nori
“I told you axe throwing would be cathartic.”
Warren splays his hands, like he’s offering me a mobile lecture. The Camelot-themed restaurant had us drinking from chalices and eating with our bare hands, so we’re walking from his minivan to my building with traces of meat grease on our palms. “Didn’t I tell you?”
“You were right,” I respond with the same false brightness I’ve employed during all my Swipe Rite dates. Except with extra falsity this time. Because of all the axes.
And all the Snuze.
Let’s be real: If I didn’t need the money so badly, I would’ve fled the restaurant the minute I clocked that all-too-familiar undershirt. But I signed a contract. I was obligated to eat, drink, and be axey. I’ll bet the footage Swipe Rite got of me gnawing a mutton leg gets lots of play.
I stayed for you, Dorothy.
And for you, Serendipi-Tea.
For the record, no other Swipe Rite date has seen where I live. But thanks to our original setup—courtesy of Great- Auntie Pearl—Warren already knows I have an apartment at The Serendipity.
Since Dorothy’s in the shop and I couldn’t ride Cash’s bike all the way to Sir Axe-A-Lot, I’d ordered a ride share to the restaurant. It was expensive, but I was desperate. So when Warren offered to take me home, I decided ten more minutes with him was worth the money I’d save.
After all, I’m hardly worried about looking cheap and desperate in front of him.
At this point, I just want my less-than-great Swipe Rite date to be over.
I’m going to pop some popcorn. Open a box of Oreos. Enjoy the kind of food that’s supposed to be eaten without a knife and fork.
“I love Sir Axe-A-Lot.” Warren flashes me a grin with at least four too many teeth. As per usual, he’s been doing the lion’s share of the talking. “I go there all the time. The mutton weeds out vegetarians.”
I huff out a laugh. “That ought to do it.”
We’ve reached the cement steps of my building. And as far as I’m concerned, we’ve also reached the end of our evening.
This was my most awkward date by far, but the truth is, something’s been missing with all the men, even the best ones. I kept hoping for that extra ingredient that gets my stomach fluttering. But the rumble I’m feeling now is less about butterflies and more about mutton.
“I still can’t believe I got matched with you.” Warren grins at me under the light of a streetlamp. I hunch my shoulders.
“You sure did.”
“So, when can I see you again?”
Oof. Five dates in, and I’m still beyond terrible at this part. I don’t want to hurt Warren’s feelings. And there’s probably a fair maiden out there who would love to throw axes with him. But I’m not her, and there won’t be a next time for me.
“Sorry, but you know the rules.” I offer a semi-sincere apology. “No second dates before I pick my final match.”
This earns me another grin. At this point, I’m pretty sure Warren Snuze has nothing but incisors in his mouth. “Technically, tonight was our second date, so we’d be going on our third date. Loophole.”
“Maybe, but I can’t risk breaking my contract,” I say. And I certainly won’t risk ten thousand dollars for a third date with Sir Eats-With-His-Hands-A-Lot.
It’s not you, Warren .
It’s the mutton.
Okay. It’s also you.
Speaking of greasy palms, I stick out my hand for a final friendly shake. “So, thanks again for a truly one-of-a-kind evening.”
“At least let me give you something to remember our night by.” He closes his eyes and leans in for a kiss. That’s when I finally get a real reaction from my insides. But it’s not the kind I’m looking for. I’m seriously about to hurl at the thought of his lips on mine.
“Against the rules!” I throw a hand up between our mouths, and Warren’s shiny face collapses in disappointment.
My contract doesn’t actually forbid kissing on the first date, but I’m okay with a little white lie that could save Warren’s feelings. He’s not a monster.
He’s just a … Snuze.
“I’m going to head inside now,” I tell him gently.
“Let me walk you to the elevator.” He tries to take my elbow, but I pull away.
“I always use the stairs, so that’s really not necessary. ”
“The truth is, I’m dying to see inside the place.” He nods toward the entrance to the building, then offers me a sheepish look. “I’ve stopped by a couple times hoping to get in, but the doors are always locked.”
I tip my chin, playing dumb, although I’ve got a pretty good idea about the source of his curiosity. But I’m not here to play tour guide for outsiders who want to know more about The Serendipity. “It’s just an apartment building.”
“You must’ve heard the rumors, though.” Warren wags his eyebrows. “About the magic.”
“Believe me, I wish everyone here was happier and healthier and?—”
“Luckier in love?” he interjects.
“That too.” I hitch my shoulders. “But I wouldn’t be looking for a relationship on Swipe Rite if the magic worked, would I?”
“Huh.” He scratches his chin, like he’s giving my argument some thought. “Can’t I just take a quick peek inside? Then I promise to be on my way. And you’ll never hear from me again.”
Okay, now that’s a promise I’m interested in.
I blow out a long breath, feeling frustrated and also guilty. Warren is not going to fare well in tonight’s Swipe Rite posts, so the least I could do is let him see inside the building. It’ll be a story he can tell Great-Auntie Pearl about forever.
“All right,” I say. “Just a quick peek.”
He practically flies up the stairs.
I unlock the door and lead him into the building. Once inside, Warren wanders around the lobby gape-mouthed, checking out the main floor. He explores the library first, then the parlor. When we reach the kitchen, I send up a silent prayer that Willa’s in there baking a batch of late-night cookies, but the place is empty .
“Now you’ve seen everything.” I’m more than ready for this tour to be over—and for Warren to leave.
“Not everything,” he says making a beeline for the courtyard.
Not leaving.
Before I can stop him, he’s already through the archway. “I can’t go without getting a glimpse of the main attraction.”
While I try to catch up, he bypasses the pool, and heads straight for the fountain. For a moment he just stands there, frozen, watching the water spill over the three tiers. Then he leans over and dips his fingers in. “Hmmm. I don’t feel anything special.” He lifts his hands and sniffs.
Ugh.
“Like I said. You really can’t believe everything you hear about this place.”
“Maybe,” he says. “Maybe not.”
He circles the fountain and heads back toward the pool. There are no steps at the deep end. The water is dark and still. Black glass.
“I’ve got a great idea.” He snaps his fingers like he’s turning a lightbulb on over his head. “Let’s go for a night swim.”
I push out a small guffaw, but my pulse picks up. I just need this night to be over. “That’s an idea, all right,” I say. “But it’s definitely not a great one.”
A twinge in my abdomen tells me Warren has actually been thinking about this for hours. Maybe ever since he accepted the match with me. “The thing is, our pool isn’t even open for swimming past ten o’clock.”
“Huh.” Warren glances around, surveying the courtyard. “Nobody’s out here right now. Who would know?”
I pull my thin cardigan more tightly around my body. “We don’t have bathing suits. So if you’re suggesting?—”
“Hey, now.” He throws up his palms, like a man proving his innocence. “I’m not that kind of guy, Nori. We don’t have to skinny-dip,” he says. “We can just jump in wearing all our clothes. It’ll be hilarious!”
Apparently, Warren and I have very different ideas about what constitutes hilarity. This sounds more like idiocy. “They just filled the pool for the season, so the water’s got to be freezing.” I shift my weight. I’d do anything to be upstairs, wrapped in a bathrobe.
Seeing Cash in my mirror .
“So we’ll endure some temporary discomfort to make a long-term memory.” Warren chortles. “You can run right up to your apartment and change after.”
“What about you, though?” I arrange my face into an expression of sympathy. “You’d still be stuck going home in wet clothes.”
“Maybe.” He waggles his eyebrows again. His signature move. Ugh. “Unless you let me come upstairs with you.”
Double ugh.
I lower my gaze and hike my purse higher on my shoulder. “Actually, it’s time for you to go now. But thanks for an evening I’ll never forget.”
He pulls his phone from his pocket and sets it on the nearest lounge chair. “Come on, Nori. Just hop in the pool with me. We can take one quick selfie for the people at Swipe Rite. Or a video. Or both. Whatever you want.”
“They had someone at the axe throwing place doing that already.”
He scoffs. “That was scripted.” He splays his greasy palms. “This would be Nori and Warren going off-script. A souvenir just for us.”
I take a small step backward, inching toward the archway into the lobby. Going off-script with Warren Snuze is definitely not something I want to remember.
“I’m sorry, but no. ”
“What do I have to say to convince you?” He flashes me an oily smile, and I take another step backward, my purse slipping off my shoulder. As the contents spill onto the concrete, a deep voice sounds across the courtyard.
“Put on your listening ears, Warren, ” the man growls. “The lady said no.”