Chapter 26
ROWAN
Rowan had run out of fingers to count the number of times he’d heard the phrase “we haven’t won anything yet, boys.
” Despite the fact that they had, indeed, won their first two rounds, and were moving on to the conference finals.
The second round had gone so fast it was a blur of skating as fast as he could and falling asleep next to Theo the moment his head hit the pillow.
Hockey was good, and things with Theo were good. They had fallen back into not exactly their old way of being together, but something familiar in its evolution. Rowan had forgotten how nice it was to have someone have your back in every way.
Theo had his back on the ice, talking to media, during meals when Theo made sure Rowan’s food was always correct, because he was picky but wouldn’t complain if he got something he didn’t want to eat.
He’d forgotten his phone charger on their trip to Seattle, and while Rowan was rattling his mouth off about every anxious thought in his head, Theo just Instacarted him a new one.
In return, Rowan had been practicing his blowjob skills as much as possible.
And he absolutely hadn’t forgotten about Theo’s post-first round promise that he was now quite overdue on.
The three housemates drove back to Vic’s place together, where Vic did his classic change-and-head-to-Julia’s. “Make good choices,” he said on his way out. It left Theo and Rowan alone on the couch in the living room. Rowan could already feel himself getting hard.
“You wanna watch a movie or something?” Theo asked, and Rowan pushed him over on the couch, straddling him.
“No,” he said, letting Theo have his laugh at his bad joke.
“Alright, baby, you earned it,” Theo said, pulling Rowan into a kiss before nudging him to get up.
This obviously wasn’t happening on the couch in the living room.
Theo held Rowan’s hand as he led him upstairs to his room.
So far, Vic had been gone enough for them to both sleep in Theo’s room, and Rowan loved they had somewhat of a routine by now.
The second Rowan closed the door behind them, Theo had him pressed up against it, his hands sliding down Rowan’s arms before closing over his wrists. He pulled them up over Rowan’s head and held him there, helpless. So this was what being weak at the knees felt like.
Theo leaned in, and Rowan tipped his lips up for a kiss, confused when it didn’t come.
“I’m nervous about this,” Theo admitted. Rowan wasn’t used to seeing Theo’s confidence in bed waver.
“I’m not.”
“No?”
“Well, not emotionally.” There was something in him that knew that Theo was his boy. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt there. He was a little nervous about the actual sex part, but sex made him anxious in general. He wanted it. He wished he could just be a little more chill about it.
Theo dropped his arms and pulled him into a kiss.
It was a soft, calm, reassuring kiss. When he’d been a teenager and his life had boiled down to hockey and Theo, he had worried that he would miss out on all the other things his teammates seemed concerned about.
Going to parties, and getting a cool car, and upping their body count.
As an adult, his teammates’ interests expanded in an age-appropriate way.
Getting married, having kids, buying the newest golf clubs, gadget, or designer clothing item.
He had tried, in the years he spent without Theo, to fill that hole in his heart with buying things—hence his big house in Texas he was still struggling to sell.
But sometimes there was wisdom in the priorities you have when you’re young, before life becomes complicated. At the moment, his life had slotted back to hockey and Theo, and he felt balanced, whole, and calm for the first time as an adult.
“Why are you nervous?” he asked, grabbing Theo’s shirt on either side of his waist and pulling him in even closer. He wanted to be closer to Theo than he ever had been to anyone.
“Because,” he said, pressing his forehead to Rowan’s, “I want to make sure it’s perfect for you.”
“It’s you, Teddy. It will be perfect.” The way Theo looked at him now made his stomach leap.
Rowan was used to being desired because he was useful or talented.
He was used to feeling like a piece of meat up for sale.
If he woke up tomorrow and suddenly sucked at hockey, he’d be dropped from the league as soon as he contractually could be.
He also knew that Theo wouldn’t look at him any differently than he was now. Theo was the only person who knew him.
Theo took a deep breath, then picked Rowan up under his ass and spun him around as Rowan scrambled to hold on to him.
There was his confident Theo. Rowan held the sides of his face as he kissed him, and being in Theo’s arms like this made him feel like he was well on the way to the feeling of closeness he had been craving.
Theo placed Rowan on the bed gently, and pulled his own shirt over his head, then got rid of his pants and socks, too. Rowan just watched, propped up on his elbows, half for the show, and half because he wondered if waiting to strip would mean Theo would take his clothes off for him.
He didn’t have to wait long until he got his wish, as Theo hooked fingers into the waistband of Rowan’s sweats.
“Commando,” he said appreciatively. “I hoped that was what was going on under there.”
“Were you looking?” Rowan asked, kind of hoping he would say yes.
“I’m always looking, baby.”
It felt good to hear him say that. Theo’s attention had always felt different from everyone else’s. Potent. Important. Like he was seeing more of Rowan than anyone else ever did. Rowan was just getting hard as Theo helped him out of his shirt, then pushed his own underwear down.
By now, Rowan felt comfortable in Theo’s bed, both the one he was currently in at home, and the metaphorical, changing hotel bed Rowan had found himself in with Theo a lot in the last few weeks.
He didn’t know how Theo could do casual hookups.
He didn’t care that Theo had a history, and he didn’t.
He just didn’t understand even wanting to have sex with someone he didn’t feel this safe with.
“Do you want me to walk you through this, or is that patronizing?”
“No, I want to know what you’re doing.” Rowan pushed the comforter out of the way so he could settle in bed.
“Well, first I’m going to kiss you.” Theo’s big body bounced on the mattress as he stretched out next to Rowan. He put one hand on Rowan’s jaw, guiding Rowan right where he wanted him. This was the shit he loved—when Theo took charge.
When Rowan pushed his body against Theo’s, Theo took it as the invitation it was and pushed Rowan onto his back. “Beautiful boy.”
Theo still had one big hand on Rowan’s cheek, touching him like he was delicate. Like he was there to take care of Rowan.
“Next, we have to open you up. How do you want to do this? On your back or on your belly?”
It was a big decision. Watching Theo’s every move might make things more nerve-racking. Not being able to see him could make him feel far away when he wanted Theo to feel close.
“You can start one way and flip over at any time,” Theo said, reading the uncertainty on Rowan’s face.
“Okay. I’ll flip over.” He settled on his stomach, holding a pillow to his chest, as Theo found lube in his side table. Rowan took a deep breath.
“We’re going to go super slow, alright?”
“Okay.”
“Here we go,” Theo said, giving him a little warning before his warm hands spread Rowan’s cheeks apart. Rowan thought his gasp when he felt Theo’s wet finger was inaudible, but Theo soothed him by running a warm hand across the curve of one of his ass cheeks.
Rowan wasn’t a stranger to ass play, but until this moment, it had been solo. He was familiar with the feeling in theory, but in practice, having Theo’s thick fingers teasing him open was something different altogether.
“How are you doing?” Theo asked, dropping a kiss to Rowan’s shoulder. He settled in next to Rowan as he continued his ministrations, and it felt good to have Theo right there, next to him.
“Feels good,” Rowan said, looking over at Theo, who looked like he was in no rush. He kept at it, adding fingers as he went, until he had Rowan making little involuntary mewling sounds. Rowan’s shoulder and cheek were collecting wet kiss marks, since Theo couldn’t keep his mouth off of him.
Finally, Rowan couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m ready,” he said, his body feeling ten degrees hotter than normal. Theo had skipped the overhead light for the warm yellow light of the side table lamps, and it wasn’t candlelight, but it still felt romantic.
“Still want to be on your stomach?”
“No,” Rowan said without hesitation.
Theo slid his fingers free, giving his butt a little pat as he flipped over. Theo was on his knees, a condom in one hand. His erection was making Rowan’s mouth water. That was going to be in him.
“Alright, condom, then more lube, then we’re ready to rock.”
Rowan didn’t know what to do with his hands, and they ended up on his ribs.
“Touch yourself for me,” Theo said, his voice pitched lower than normal, and fuck.
He was right. Rowan was aware of his dirty talk.
He wrapped a hand loosely around his erection as Theo rolled the condom on himself and drizzled a little more lube on.
“Fuck, you look good. I’m going to fuck you so good, baby. ”
Rowan didn’t know what to say to that. He just spread his legs to accommodate Theo as he inched closer and sat back on his heels, rubbing a couple of fingers over Rowan’s hole again. Rowan shivered.
“Are you ready for me?”
“Yes,” Rowan said, and Theo lined up the blunt head of his cock against Rowan and pushed in until just the head was in. “Fuck.”
“Is that okay?”
“Keep going,” Rowan said. He knew the feeling of the stretch wasn’t always super comfortable, but it was worth it to keep going. Now, knowing it was Theo instead of a dildo pushing into him, it would be even more worth it.
Rowan had his legs draped over Theo’s thighs, and as Theo inched his way in bit by bit, he slowly bent over Rowan, sweeping his messy bangs off his forehead. Theo was inside of him. It felt like the only important thing in the world.
Rowan used both hands to pull Theo in for a kiss.
He whimpered into it as Theo moved, just adjusting slightly.
Theo hummed his own enjoyment against Rowan’s lips, then pulled out ever so slightly before sinking back into him.
The tiny movement felt momentous to him.
Dry humping, handjobs, blowjobs; they were all great.
But Rowan had never felt the depth of connection to anyone like this before.
Theo snuck a hand onto Rowan’s lower back, lifting his hips up a bit, making their bodies meet in the most delicious way. Rowan felt like he should be doing something here, but he could barely think.
“Fuck, you take my cock so good, baby, look at you,” Theo said, his voice a deep throaty whisper right into Rowan’s ear. He couldn’t look at himself, but he was glad Theo was enjoying this as much as Rowan was. He wrapped his arms around Theo’s shoulders and held on.
The feeling of their two bodies moving together, sparking pleasure through Rowan’s entire body, was a revelation. The planets were realigning. This was what he was supposed to be feeling every day of the past eight years, while his soul knew something crucial was missing.
Theo kept up his steady pace, fucking into him while they held on to each other, Rowan’s erection getting friction from Theo’s stomach.
This was so much more than just chasing an orgasm.
He felt like he was tying himself to Theo, giving him something wild and precious.
He had already lasted longer than he thought he would, and he couldn’t hold out anymore.
“Teddy, I’m close,” he whispered, and got one last kiss before Theo pushed himself back up on his knees.
He held on to Rowan’s hips firmly, and their sweet intimacy morphed into something more animal.
Rowan got his hand on his dick, trying to stroke himself in time with Theo’s thrusts, and it wasn’t long until Rowan was coming in thick white pulses across his abdomen.
Theo pulled out and ripped the condom off, his movements frantic now that he was so close, and came, letting his own ejaculate mix with Rowan’s on his chest.
Theo was panting, his eyes softly closed, before he gave Rowan one more kiss, and got up to get a washcloth for Rowan. Theo didn’t seem to be bothered by come on his skin, but he knew Rowan couldn’t stand it, and always made it his priority to make sure he cleaned Rowan up as soon as possible.
This time, the warm washcloth that Theo brought back from the bathroom didn’t only sweep over his chest and stomach. Theo also made sure to get the excess lube from between his legs. Theoretically mortifying. Kind of sweet when it was Theo, though.
Theo nudged Rowan over a bit as he climbed into bed, pulling the comforter over them, and letting Rowan cuddle up in his arms. Theo pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“How did you like your deflowering?”
Rowan rolled his eyes. He knew Theo couldn’t see, but he would still know.
“It was perfect.”
“Good, baby. It was perfect for me, too.”
They let silence hang around the two of them until Rowan thought he might fall asleep.
“I’m still scared,” Theo said, his voice quiet.
“Of what?”
“Of this falling apart again.”
“It won’t,” Rowan said. He couldn’t guarantee that. But he also couldn’t imagine living another second of his life without Theo.
Theo was quiet again, and now Rowan was a little freaked out.
“Teddy,” he said, looking up at him. Theo met his gaze with a worried look. “I love you. And I’m going to fight for you every day.”
“I know. I trust you. I love you, too. Life is just chaos. Anything could happen.”
“If anything could happen, then happiness could happen. Building a life together could happen.”
“Look at you with the pep talks,” Theo said with a weak laugh.
“If I believe in anything, it’s us, alright?”
Theo took a deep breath and nodded. “Us,” he repeated.
Rowan was exhausted, body beaten down by hockey, heart pushed to its limit by the man he loved. But he knew bone deep that Theo was the one for him, and that had to be enough for now.
They finally curled up together to sleep, all of Theo’s gorgeous skin pressed against Rowan’s back. He felt more like himself than he ever had.