Chapter 30
Thirty
It’s been a week since my heart-pounding conversation with Lucca. And once again, my heart is threatening to leap from my chest. Only, not at all in a good way. I grind my teeth and watch as Lindy packs a bag. “But Wyatt has that playdate this weekend,” I say, grasping at straws.
Lindy gives a humorless laugh. “Do I really need to be here for that?”
No, she doesn’t. But I’m running out of reasons for her to stay.
“I don’t think you’re ready,” I say with a gulp.
Lindy pauses, her fingers still around the black chemise tank she’s packing. She looks over at me. “No,” she says, her tone calm and low. “You’re not ready.”
Well, that’s true.
“He doesn’t even know—”
“He does know,” she says. “I told Brent last week about my past and about my recovery. He’s fully supportive.”
Only, saying you’re fully supportive and searching Lindy’s possessions for travel-sized shooters are two very different things.
He has no clue what we’ve been through, or how far we’ve come.
He’s never had to go through her bank statements, searching for suspicious charges, or weed through the trash for cans and bottles, or monitor where she is every hour of the day.
He never had to sleep by her side while she suffered through morning sickness and withdrawal symptoms.
Brent can say he’s supportive all he wants, but he doesn’t even know what that means.
“That isn’t fair, Mags.”
“What?” I blink and lick my dried lips. “I didn’t say a word.”
“You didn’t have to. Your face.” She points at me, but I’m not sure what she’s seeing. “You’re listing all the things he isn’t. But you don’t know him.”
“I wasn’t listing his faults, Lindy.” I had simply made a list of things Brent is clueless about. “I just worry.”
“I know.” She rests one hand on her hip. “Worry is your middle name. Margaret Worrier McCrae.”
“Ha. Ha.” I grunt and plop down onto her bed. “What if you need me?” I lick my lips. “What if you’re tempted?”
“You’ve helped me to be stronger than my temptations, Mags.
” She sits next to me and places her hand in mine.
“Besides, Tesoro is forty minutes away. It’s one night.
If I need you, I will call and you will fly to my rescue.
But, Mags.” She wraps one arm around my back and rests her head on my shoulder.
“I don’t plan to need you. Can you trust me, this once? ”
“I trust you,” I say, but I’m not sure I trust him. It’s too quick. I swallow. “I do.”
“You do,” she says. “And you don’t.”
“That’s not it. Lindy, I love you so much.” I turn my head slightly and press a kiss to her forehead. “I just want you safe.”
“I know.” She tips her head, still on my shoulder, and peeks up at me. “But at some point, you have to let your girl take off her training wheels.”
I scoff. These are major training wheels. These are life-threatening, terrifying training wheels.
“Remember Kim Snider down the street?” she says.
I roll my eyes. “Ugh. Poor girl, she was thirteen and her mom still made her ride up and down the block with training wheels on.” But in this moment, I understand poor Mrs. Snider like never before. “What if you fall, Lind?”
“I’ll get up.”
“What if you can’t?”
Her arm around me squeezes. “You’ll help me.”
But I don’t find her words comforting at all.
I drive around a strange block two more times before I park. I peek into the back of my car. “You good, buddy?”
But I’ve given Wyatt my iPad, so the Disney Channel is at his little fingertips without a whole lot of monitoring. Which means, I get no response.
“Wyatt?”
“It’s Spidey and His Amazing Friends,” he says, peering up from the screen.
Okay—he’s fine. He has no idea that I’ve been driving with no end in sight for an hour.
But we need an end…
So, I pull out my phone and swallow every ounce of my pride and logic.
Me: Friends hang out?
Lucca: Absolutely.
Me: Are you home?
Lucca: I am.
Me: Send me your address. Wyatt and I are coming for a visit.
Me: A FRIENDLY visit.
I can’t have Lucca getting ideas. I need something to get my mind off Lindy. I can’t just drive around Lake Tesoro for hours with my little nephew in tow. Besides, visiting Lucca is sure to be distracting. It has nothing to do with the fact that Tesoro is where my sister and Brent are staying.
Lucca: Fantastic. When will you be here?
Me: Is now too soon?