18. Arianna
EIGHTEEN
ARIANNA
“ M amma?” I heard my daughter from the other side of the bed, but I ignored her and acted like I was in a deep sleep.
One day, I would wake up and regret not taking advantage of every second with her, but I was too tired to contemplate that right now.
I held my breath, hoping she would leave if I didn't move.
Why is she awake so early in the morning, anyway?
Of course, she didn't leave. She was my daughter, and therefore incredibly hard-headed. Giulia jumped on the bed, and positioned her lips right next to my ear as she spoke.
“There's a man in our kitchen.”
At that, my eyes popped open, and I threw my blanket off me—thank God I had put my clothes on after Xavier had left.
I took my daughter’s face between my palms. “What do you mean, Giuli? What man?”
She giggled, pointing at the door. “He just came out of your room.” Giulia placed a finger to her lips, as if we were sharing a secret. “Nonna and I caught him.” She burst out laughing, clutching her little belly.
My eyes almost flew out of my head. It was one thing if my mother had found out, but her and my daughter at the same time? That was a total mess. I sucked in a deep breath, and paced around the room.
“Come on!” Giulia grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my room.
How was I going to explain this? I had acted like a horny teenager with no sense of respect. Sure, I had planned to tell her at some point, but now? After one month?
That’s a hell of a lot sooner than I had anticipated.
I followed my little one, and wrenched a hand through my hair.
Shit. Shit.
“Oh, you’re up,” my mother said, throwing me a smile I didn't recognize. I wasn't sure if it was genuine, or if it was hiding something else.
Xavier was seated at the table, an apologetic look on his face as he lowered his gaze to his fingers. I sighed and shook my head, hoping he’d understand that it wasn't his fault. It was mine. I was the one who had insisted he not stay at a hotel.
I dragged his football shirt over me, his smell still fresh. Since I had agreed to be his girlfriend, I had needed something that smelled of him to sleep. At this point, it was becoming an addiction, but I was knee deep in this and couldn’t seem to care.
“Thank you for offering to cook breakfast for us, but I have a flight to catch,” Xavier announced, and started to get up from the table.
My mamma glared at him over her shoulder while still cutting some mortadella. “Sit down, young man.”
Xavier’s expression turned to stone. “Yes, ma’am.” And just like that, he sat back down.
I would’ve been amused by the situation if I’d had any concept of what my mother was planning. Truth was, I had no idea. Was she going to lecture us? Was she going to list all the reasons why we shouldn't do this?
Giulia and I sat at the table as my mother placed the food in front of us. I caught Xavier’s eye, and his lips mouthed “I’m sorry.”
I smiled, because he was still cute despite the feeling of being in an interrogation room.
My eyes swept over to my daughter, who dragged herself closer to Xavier. She raised her nose in the air as she analyzed him from the corner of her eye. To my surprise, she wasn’t being judgy, but she was definitely letting him know who was in charge in this house.
I almost let out a laugh when Xavier glanced at her with the shakiest smile ever. This couldn’t be anything short of weird for him. It was the first time he’d met my daughter, and I knew both of us would’ve liked this to happen differently.
“So, Xavier,” my mother stressed his name. “Did you have a great night's sleep?” she asked, stuffing some food into her mouth. Giulia followed suit, leaving Xavier and me as the only ones not eating.
He looked at me before speaking. “Y-yes?”
“Yes, or no?” my mother pushed.
“Yes.”
“Good,” she nodded, then took her time swallowing her bite.
“Mamma, he needs to go. We can do this another time,” I pressed. I didn't want to be the reason he missed his flight. He had to catch up with his training.
It would be ironic if my attempt at saving him money was the reason he would lose it.
My mother raised her hand in the air, quieting me.
The attitude? Oh my god. What has gotten into her?
“Look, I knew about you long before you showed up to my flower shop. I certainly knew when you started”—she searched for the right words—“spending the night here.”
She knew? Did my mother work for the FBI or something? I thought we had been careful, and had pulled it off smoothly this entire time.
It seems I couldn’t be more wrong.
“I’m sorry for that, ma’am,” Xavier said, not able to look her in the eyes.
A small burst of laughter escaped me, and my mother winked at me for a split second before putting her mask back on.
“My question is, what are your intentions with my daughter?”
He cleared his throat, side-eyeing me. “I don’t think she's ready to hear it.”
I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms over my chest. “What does that mean?”
“Yeah, what does that mean?” Giulia repeated after me.
“It means you're not ready to hear it.”
“ I am, so you can tell me,” my mother pushed him harder.
Xavier swallowed, placing his hands on the table. “My intentions with your daughter are very serious, Ms. Esposito.”
“Elaborate.”
“It’s not a short-term thing,” Xavier continued, clearly not comfortable saying more.
“Elaborate,” she went on.
“Mamma, enough. He doesn't want to talk about it,” I said as I reached out to her across the table.
“I do,” she continued. “Go on.”
Xavier sucked in a deep breath. “I want to get to a point where I wake up next to her every day, where I become a fatherly presence for Giulia, where she’s always there when I play a game, where she’ll say ‘yes’ at the altar.” He rushed the words out, as if they had lingered in the back of his head for ages.
He scooted closer to the table, locking eyes with my mother. “Look, this is not by any means how I wanted this to happen. I wanted to talk to you first, and then slowly introduce myself into Giulia’s life—with Arianna’s permission—and I didn’t want to rush anything, because we have a whole life ahead of us. I’m happy with moving at Arianna’s pace—as long as she’s with me.”
The room fell quiet, and my breath caught in my throat. He had never expressed his feelings about me so clearly, without holding back.
Suddenly, I forgot why he was at the table with my family. All I cared about was one thing.
Was he serious about everything he’d said?
Had he really meant all of that?
A sharp breath passed my lips, and my mother immediately noticed. It was an involuntary reaction to the realization of what he’d meant.
He had described … marriage.
I knew he wasn’t asking to marry me—at least not right now—but still, it meant he was thinking about it for the future.
Was I ready for marriage? Again? Was I ready to relive so many happy moments, with the possibility of losing them in the blink of an eye?
If I were to guess, I’d say no. But then, a couple of months ago, I had been certain I was never going to bring a man into this house. And yet, I had almost begged Xavier to come. I let him visit me. I let him have my body, and endless nights talking on the phone.
He’d said we had a life ahead of us, but experience had convinced me that it wasn’t true.
My mother snuck a palm under the table and placed it over mine, squeezing tightly.
“Good,” she finally said. “Eat,” she demanded, pointing at his full plate.
Xavier complied, and all I could do was watch him. His long lashes fell over his cheeks, his hair looked like he had just walked out of a storm, and his muscles flexed under his T-shirt. I realized that his presence at our kitchen table made the view seem complete. He looked like he belonged.
“Mamma,” Giulia said quietly as she grabbed my hand. I looked down at her, breaking from my daze. “What’s an altar?”