30
Huxley
I couldn’t sleep. Hell, I couldn’t even try to sleep because I was too caught up in what happened tonight.
I fucked up. Again.
I know she gets jealous when I talk to other girls, but I wasn’t trying to make her jealous. I was just talking to them. And when she didn’t come up to the table, my mind tricked me into thinking she was too shy to introduce herself.
So why didn’t you introduce her?
Yeah. Why didn’t I introduce her to those girls? Why did I let her sit back there all alone?
My head falls against the steering wheel. Thank god the horn never worked in this thing, or I would have woken up the lot. In truth, there’s only one girl I want to wake up right now. Just to make everything right.
I sit up straight and grab my phone, but I don’t type anything. What am I supposed to say to her right now? What if she’s not even awake?
I click into our messages and type something along the lines of a mediocre hello. Then I immediately delete it.
I start to drop my phone when three little dots pop up and then disappear. I wait, but nothing comes through. Is she telling me she’s awake too?
I take a deep breath and type out something quickly.
Huxley: Love?
The little dots appear and disappear instantly.
Huxley: I’m outside. I just want to talk.
I wait, but nothing comes through.
Huxley: Please, Valentina.
More time passes, but she never messages back. “Fuck.”
My head falls onto the seat, and my eyes screw shut. I’ve fucked this up so much that she doesn’t want to try anymore. She’s already given me second chances. Hell, we’re probably on a fifth chance, if not more. And she has no reason to give me another one.
The passenger door squeaks open, making me sit up again. Val stares at the seat before decisively pulling herself up into the truck and pulling the door shut.
All without looking at me.
Should I say something first? Is that what she’s waiting for? But what do I even say?
Slowly, she turns to me, and we just stare at each other. The air around us crushes my lungs, but at least we’re here. It’s a start.
My hand lifts on its own, moving toward her. Before it reaches her, I finally manage to stop it. Val doesn’t move or say anything, which I take as a good sign right now.
I move my hand closer, finally reaching her. Gently, I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear and leave my hand on her cheek.
“You want to go somewhere?” I ask her.
And she nods. “Sure.”
But I don’t move. I keep staring at her and stroking her cheek like she’ll slip out of my grasp. Like I actually did manage to fall asleep, and this is just a dream I’ll wake up from. And she just stares back at me, holding my gaze though I don’t deserve it.
If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.
“Seat belt,” I whisper to her, and a faint light fills her eyes. Somehow, that lets me know this is real life. That I’m here with her, and she’s with me. And I have tonight to fix all my mistakes.
We don’t make it far when Val turns to me. “Going to kill me, are you?”
I suppress a smile as I turn down the road to head to our murder spot. “What other choice do I have?”
“That’s fair.”
We glance at each other, smile, and then look away like a cheesy romance movie. Except this isn’t a romance movie. I don’t even know what you’d classify this as.
But I’m content.
Being with Valentina Demarco is like watching the sun rise on a spring day. Everything’s calm, and soft, and peaceful. And even if a cloud passes over head, you don’t have to worry about it darkening the sky for long. Because her light will always come back, and you will feel her warmth again.
I stop the truck, and Val leans forward, taking in the view of the city. She unbuckles her seat belt and tries to lean further to look up at the sky, but from this point of view, the city lights mask most of the stars.
She turns around suddenly, looking out the back of the truck. Then she looks at me, and the stars have nothing on the sparkle in her eyes right now.
“Come on.”
She quickly gets out of the truck, and I hurry behind her. She walks out past the back of the truck, staring up at the sky that is now littered with stars. I’ve never paid attention to the stars in the sky, but she’s looking at them like they were placed there for only tonight. And maybe they were.
I pull the tailgate down, earning Val’s attention. I offer my hand, which she slowly takes, and I pull her up next to me.
“You didn’t take that in?”
I turn my head to see what she’s pointing at—my guitar. I shrug and grab her waist to lift her onto the tailgate.
“I did,” I admit. My eyes move to the guitar before falling back on her. “But I figured we might need it.”
A cute crinkle forms between her eyebrows. “Why?”
“Never know when you need a little tune to calm you down.”
She turns to look at the guitar for a moment, then smiles up at me. “Get it out.”
I immediately jump into the bed of the truck and pull the guitar back to the edge to sit across from Val.
“What do you want, Love?” I stretch my legs out in front of me, and they bump into hers.
“Something calm.” She presses her leg into mine, and I already feel like this was the right idea. This little moment between us will settle us back to where we are supposed to be.
Val turns her head to look out at the stars again. I glance out there as well, but I honestly just see dots. There’s nothing special about it to me. But I look back at Val, and she looks content, at peace.
“You like stargazing?”
She shrugs. “I’ve only seen them a few times in my life. So I don’t know.”
“How have you only seen them a few times?”
She pulls herself away from the night sky to look at me. “I’m from LA. The only time you see stars is during a blackout.”
“I didn’t know you were from LA.”
She nods and looks back out at the sky. “You from around here?”
“My family is about an hour down the road.”
Her head snaps back to me. “That surprises me, honestly.”
I frown, and my fingers play a different melody for a second. “Why does that surprise you?”
She shrugs. “You seem like the type of person who would have chosen a college across the country.”
That’s fair, honestly. I don’t like talking about my family, so one would probably assume I moved far away from them. But I can’t imagine being away from them, even with our strained relationship.
But Val moved from LA to be here. Of all places, she came here. But why?
“And you seem like the type that wouldn’t stray too far from home.”
She weakly smiles at me, and I can almost feel the weight of the situation press down on me even though I only know a few things about her.
“We still have a lot to learn about each other, don’t we?” she asks, as if reading my mind.
I smile and nod, then pick up the tempo of my song. Val leans back against the truck and watches me play for a moment. And I just feel calm. I feel like everything can maybe settle into a better place.
“What are you playing?” she asks softly.
I shake my head. “Nothing in particular.”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Is it something you’re writing?”
I try to bite down my smile, but it comes through anyway. “Maybe.”
Her smile lifts as well. “I like it.” She tilts her head a bit. “But it is softer than I thought it would be.”
“Sometimes it’s better to be soft,” I say, my voice dropping lower, pulling a deep breath from Val. She quickly nods and looks back out at the stars, flustered and so adorable.
As I watch her stare at the stars, my chest starts to get heavier. We left each other earlier at a bad place, and we haven’t talked about it yet. And even though she looks happy, I know this needs to be settled now, or we might never be on the same level.
I stop playing and put my guitar beside me, but she doesn’t notice. “Valentina.” She quickly looks at me, slightly glancing at the guitar. “I’m sorry—”
“Stop.” She lifts her hand to me, cutting me off. So I wait. “Huxley, I’m…”
Her voice fades out as she stares at me. Sadness creeps into her eyes that I know I put there, but she doesn’t say anything.
“What?” I beg. I can’t take this anymore.
She shakes her head, letting a few tears slip through. “Never mind.”
No. We are not doing this.
I push myself closer to her. “Valentine.” I catch her face before she can look away from me. “Talk to me. Please.”
She stares at me, tears glistening in her eyes, and her voice breaks when she asks, “Why me?”
I frown. “What?”
“You could have picked any girl at that college to be with, and you picked me.” She shakes her head. “So why me?”
Because I’m in love with you.
Because I know this is the only chance I’ll get with you.
Because…
“Because you’re the only person I thought wanted to be with me.”
A weak laugh leaves her as she rolls her eyes. “Please. The entire female population at school wants you. Possibly even a good handful of the male population, too.”
“They want sex, Valentina,” I snap. Val closes her mouth and goes still. “If you ever asked any of those people who have come up to me if they wanted to date me, they would laugh in your face and say it’s just sex they want.”
She shakes her head slowly. “That’s not true,” she whispers.
“It is.”
I remember the first time I heard it. I was leaving a class, Freshman year, behind a group of people who didn’t see me.
But I heard my name come from one of the girls, and when one of the guys asked her if she was going to ask me out, she and the other girls laughed.
And then she said the words that have never left my head.
“Nobody dates Huxley. He’s got an amazing dick, and that’s all. And he’ll probably have to use it if he ever wants to be a real singer.”
Val stares up at me, the tears in her eyes gone, but the sadness sticks around. Slowly, she lifts her hand, her fingers gently tracing my cheek. She brushes my hair back before her eyes collide with mine, her hand freezing.