Valentina
The shirt Huxley told me I look good in is the one I end up pulling out first. It’s random in design, with pieces of different shirts sewn together with different-colored threads that contrast with the shirts they connect.
I’m not sure if it was intentionally designed for the mass market or if someone tried something and hated it.
But I love it. And apparently, so does Huxley.
I pull on some wide-leg leopard pants that I’ve been too shy to wear on campus. They’re a lot. And worn at the wrong time could draw unwanted attention.
But I’m in New York.
I don’t care if people here stare at me or if they don’t like my clothes. Because I like them, and this is honestly the most I’ve felt like myself in an outfit in a very long time.
I quickly do my hair, curling it into waves and pulling half of it up with some pieces framing my face in the front. My makeup somehow turns into me doing a sharp cat-eye look that I’ve definitely never nailed before today.
I lean back to get the full view of myself, and my eyes widen.
Holy shit. Is that me? I touch my cheek softly. Yup. That’s me in the mirror. I have no idea how I made myself look like this. Have I always looked this way? I look down at my outfit and then back up. When did I start looking like this? When did I start looking like me?
Happiness builds in me, and I reach for my phone to capture the moment.
I start with some selfies, then flip the camera around and take some in the mirror. At least one of them had to of turned out good.
I tap the photo app and scroll through the photos, and my happiness cringes with every photo.
Every picture looks stiff, or awkward, or just plain bad. I figured since I felt good, the photos would just turn out good, too. Guess I’m just bad at taking pictures of myself. Maybe I’ll ask Will or JJ to take my picture for me. I’ll just tell them I want to commemorate the trip.
On my way out of the room, I grab my shoes and purse and then head out towards the kitchen.
Will and JJ are sitting on the couch, listing off places they want to go today.
I make my way in front of them, and they both look up at me.
Will’s eyes widen as he looks me over, but I can’t tell if he likes it or hates it.
“Very bold choice today,” JJ says, scanning over my pants.
I shrug. “I figured New York would be a more forgiving crowd.” Will keeps looking over my outfit, still not saying anything. “Don’t tell me you hate it.”
His eyes meet mine. “You are different, Tina.” Worry builds up in me until he smiles. “I think you finally realized who the fuck you are.”
My own smile pushes through. “I’m not the stuck-up big sister you remember me as Will Jenson.”
“That’s for sure.” He slaps his legs as he stands, JJ right behind him. “Okay. Let’s get this day started.”
Ilove this city. And I hope that never changes.
With fall fully in season right now, everything seems a dull grey color. Most would consider it upsetting, but I love it. I’ve never seen the city like this before, and somehow it’s comforting.
Maybe it’s the fact that everyone is bundled up in layers to stay warm, or that the holidays are right around the corner. Whatever it is, New York in the fall might be my new favorite.
We’ve been walking around for a good hour or so and have found ourselves on a side street sidewalk. Tiny shops and cute cafes line the road, giving a quaint vibe to the normally bustling city.
I turn around to Will and JJ. “Can you take my picture?” I ask while handing my phone to Will.
He slowly takes it from me. “You?” he asks, skeptical. “You want your picture taken? In the middle of the sidewalk?”
I shrug as I unzip my jacket. “Why not? Who cares what people think?” I pull my jacket off and hand it to JJ.
He raises his eyebrow, also skeptical. “Without your jacket?”
“Got to show off the outfit.” I spin away from them and find a place to stand by a lamppost.
Will shakes his head. “You are wild, and I love it,” he says with a smile.
I pose for a few photos until it’s too cold to continue. I run back over to them, and JJ helps me back into my jacket. Will hands me my phone, and with numb fingers, I swipe through the pictures, the same feeling from earlier returning.
“Wow.” Is this me?
“Like I said, Tina,” Will says. “You’re different. Whatever you have in your life right now, never let it go.”
I force a smile that I’m sure neither of them believes, but it’s the best I’ve got right now. I look through the rest of the photos and find one to send to Huxley, quickly sending it before looking around.
“Where now?”
We spend the rest of the day at some of my favorite places that are now colored in autumn. Parks and street markets filled with locals going about a normal day and tourists snapping pictures around every turn, along with a few places that Will is certain only look good during the fall season.
Will also manages to get more photos of me. Some I don’t know about, but others I specifically pose for. By the end of the day, my phone is filled to the brim with photos of all of us around the city.
I’m still swiping through the photos as I lie on my bed back at the apartment.
Today felt so different. Even though we went to places I’d been before, I felt freer—walking around and taking in the sights, making silly faces at the camera, and letting Will take random videos of me.
I genuinely felt happy today, and all of that is evident in the photos.
A message pops up on the top of my screen, pulling a smile out of me.
Huxley: Where is your jacket, Miss Demarco? Isn’t it almost 20 degrees there?
Huxley: You look amazing, by the way. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. Happy.
Huxley: God, you look so happy.
Huxley: And those pants. My god, you truly are the ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
Huxley: Also, wear those more often here. I want to see them on you in person. Because you look so hot.
Huxley: Also, I’m pretty sure you took more than one photo today, so I expect more to come my way.
I go back to my photos and select a few to send to him, even throwing in a video that JJ took of Will and me.
Valentina: Will this work for you, Mr. Adams?
I toss my phone onto the bed and get up to change. When I look in the mirror, I almost don’t want to take my makeup off. I still feel happy, and I don’t want that to end. I actually like how I look, and I want to hold onto that for just a bit longer.
I wonder if it’s the outfit, the hair, the makeup, or just the city that’s made me feel this way. I can only hope it’s the things I can actually take back with me, and that it’s not this place that makes me feel so happy.
Sure, Will and JJ make me happy, but Huxley makes me happy, too. And New York makes me happy, but I’ve grown to love Seattle, even with its temperamental weather.
So it’s the way I look. Which means I can take this happiness with me.
I lock eyes with myself in the mirror.
I can be this girl again. I can be happy again.
With a deep breath, I pull myself away. By the time I crawl into bed, fully devoid of makeup and in my pajamas, I have a message from Huxley waiting for me.
Huxley: Is that your brother?
Valentina: Yes, that is my brother Will. JJ took the video.
Huxley: I want more videos like that. You so overly happy that your smile looks like it hurts.
I smile again and realize my face actually does hurt a bit from all the smiling I’ve done today. And it was so worth it.
Huxley: I miss you so much, Love.
Those words tug on my heart more than I want them to.
The truth is, I hadn’t thought about Huxley all day.
But now, with messaging him, I miss him.
I want to be lying in bed beside him so I can tell him about my day.
I want him to hold me close while he tells me he’s glad I had a good time. I want him to kiss me goodnight.
Valentina: I miss you too.
I miss you so much.
I lift my phone when it chimes again.
Huxley: Are you tired?
That’s a layered question. If I say no, he will ask to call me. If I say yes, he’ll tell me goodnight, and that will be the end of it. But what is the answer? Or I guess, what do I want the response to be?
My fingers start typing on their own. After I send the message, I read it over.
Valentina: Have you missed my voice that much?
He replies instantly.
Huxley: Yes. Please tell me I can call you.
I crawl out of bed and open my door to look out into the hallway. I don’t hear anything, which means Will and JJ are probably in their room, maybe even asleep. Which means I can actually talk and not whisper.
Valentina: Call me.
His name pops up on my phone before I even get back in bed, and I answer it just as fast.
“So desperate to hear my voice, Huxley Adams. You might have an obsession.”
“One I will never go to therapy for.” I giggle and get more comfortable in bed. “You aren’t whispering,” he says, almost like a question.
“Will and JJ should be asleep. If anything, I can say you’re Birdie or something.”
“True.”
I roll over on my side, which would normally face Huxley, to let my mind pretend we aren’t all the way across the country from each other. I hear him shift through the phone.
Is he doing the same thing as me?
“How was your day?”
“God, the city is amazing,” I breathe out. “So many people looked so upset that it was fall or that it was too cold, but everything was so beautiful. I don’t know how they all weren’t constantly smiling.”
“Like you were?”
I smile again. “It was like a happiness I didn’t know I was missing.”
“I wish I could see this happiness in person.”
“We’ll just have to come back sometime.” I hear the words after they leave my mouth, and I flinch.
That will never happen. There won’t be a time or reason for us to come to New York before the deal ends.
“Maybe,” he says so quietly, it breaks my heart. He only said that to be nice, because we both know it will never happen.
“How was your day?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“I ended up going home.”
“How did that go?”