66
Valentina
Twenty messages sit on my phone this morning, all from Huxley. I haven’t opened them yet, and I don’t plan to. Ending things last night was the right thing to do, but my heart still aches over the whole situation.
Another message pops up as I stare at my phone, but I ignore it still.
I sigh and push myself out of bed, leaving my phone on the bedside table. Maybe a shower will help.
I turn the warm water on and slowly undress, my body feeling heavy from crying all night, and little to no sleep on top of that.
The water hits me, and my body numbs under the pressure, causing me to slide down the tiled wall, pulling my knees to my chest. Maybe the water will finally drown me. I’d rather physically drown than drown in this terrible feeling. Sadly, that doesn’t happen.
The water turns cold against my skin, but I don’t get up. Not yet.
Freezing to death in the shower. Is that possible? Can I be the first person to test that theory?
Fuck. My fingers pull through my wet hair. I need to stop these thoughts.
Under the cold pressure of the water, I try to dissect my thoughts and bring up any happy memory I can to get through this day, get through this life. But as I do so, all my thoughts turn to him, the guy who ripped my heart out last night.
How am I going to get past this? Even if I ignore Huxley for the rest of my time here, I’ll still have to deal with him when I get back. But ignoring him while I’m here won’t be as easy as I want it to be.
I never expected him to send me so many messages to try to apologize. There’s no reason to. He should be happy that we’re over, so why isn’t he?
I release all the air in my lungs and finally hoist myself up. I can’t stay in here forever. Though I’d really like to. I pull my hair together on top of my head, still dripping, and quickly pull on sweats that I packed as an emergency outfit, and this moment feels like an emergency to me.
I don’t look at my phone as I leave the room. Maybe I should just turn it off until I get home. The only people I’m talking to right now are currently in the kitchen, so I don’t need to use my phone with them. Unfortunately, my brain disagrees with my heart, so I settle on just leaving it.
“Woah.” JJ looks over my appearance as I enter the kitchen. “Someone didn’t get much sleep, did she?”
Will turns from the fridge and freezes a little when he sees me. “Jesus, Tina. Did you get any sleep last night?”
I pull a stool out from the island to sit down, shaking my head. “I don’t think so.”
I had been out on the balcony last night, trying to think through my relationship with Huxley when he called me. It took me another hour after I broke up with him to make it back to my room.
I tried to warm myself up after sitting in the snow, but no matter what I did, everything felt cold and numb. I still haven’t warmed up completely. Granted, the cold shower probably didn’t help any. But right now, it sort of feels like Huxley took my warmth when he called himself my plaything.
Plaything.
That’s what he called himself.
He said I was stringing him along when the truth is actually the opposite. And I’m the idiot who played along.
“Was it the bed?” Will asks.
I can’t tell them about Huxley yet. Not when we have our Thanksgiving meal to prepare.
Later.
Later, after we celebrate.
Maybe by then I’ll have a better mindset about all of this.
I nod. “I think I’m just so used to mine that this one didn’t feel good.”
Will turns to JJ. “I keep telling you we should get a new one.”
“My brother liked it the last time he was here.”
Will crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow at him. “Your brother sleeps on a cot in the jungle. Anything would feel better than that.”
Curiosity livens me up for a moment. “Wait, what does your brother do?”
JJ rolls his eyes. “He’s exaggerating.”
“Am not.” Will heads over toward the coffee pot, and JJ sighs.
“He does research on the impact of the climate all across the world. Since he travels so much, he kind of sleeps wherever he can. Which sometimes includes cots.”
Will smiles proudly at JJ, which earns him another eye roll. I grab the cup of coffee that Will pushes to me. “Your brother sounds amazing. Is he single?” I ask as I take a sip.
They both frown at me. “What about—” Will starts, but I cut him off.
“So what are we doing today? Do we still have things to get ready for tonight?”
Will and JJ glance at each other, and that look alone tells me they’re worried about me. But Will forces a smile, choosing to play along for me. And thank god for that.
I’m so not ready to talk about this yet. Though truthfully, I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready to talk about it.
“We have a few hours before we’re going to start cooking,” Will says. “But until then, JJ said he would explain football to us.”
I perk up. “Really?”
JJ glances between us. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people more excited to learn about football.”
“We just want to know the proper terminology to yell at people,” Will tells him.
I nod. “Yeah, we honestly couldn’t care less about the sport. We just want to yell at people.”
JJ sighs and rubs his temples. “You both are very weird people.”
“Thank you.” Will and I say at the same time.
JJ still doesn’t look at us, but he smiles. He loves us.