24. Lottie #2
My palm presses to my chest in a reflex I couldn’t have planned.
My heart pounds so hard, I feel compelled to hold it.
I’ve never felt so brave before, yet I’ve also never felt so at ease.
When Ty looks at me with the softest glint in his eyes, I breathe out softly, “So … are you confirming that’s true? ”
He steps a little closer—not enough to crowd me—just enough to make the air feel warmer, which is wild since it’s already about a hundred and ninety out here.
“Lottie, you’ve been on my mind for a while.
” It sounds so casual now compared to the way he confessed everything to Ham.
I get he might be playing it cool. His voice lowers when he adds, “How does that make you feel?”
Phew!
I look down for half a second, then back up as courage pools in my chest. As I focus on his warm, chocolate eyes, my breath evens.
It’s just us and our honesty. I don’t know what I was afraid of.
When we connect like this, my reply floats out, “Right now, I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, but …
” I exhale and rush to add, “I might also feel like I’m in trouble. ”
“Trouble?” he echoes, his voice fills with concern.
“Not in a bad way,” I say quickly, hoping to distill any anxiety.
Crunch tugs on his leash, pulling my attention to him for a second.
He’s seriously worse than triplet toddlers.
I could drop the leash and just let him graze …
all the goats are doing right now is eating.
In a normal situation, I’d never let them go, but I’m right here.
I risk it—only for Ty—and drop the leashes, giving them freedom.
Then I turn back to Ty, whose eyes are so wide I feel bad for leaving him hanging, and I take the biggest risk yet. “I think about you too.”
“You do?” A slow smile dawns on his lips. “Good,” he says gently. “Because I was hoping I wasn’t the only one feeling that.”
A quiet chuckle slips out. “Wow,” I say, shaking my head.
“Wow is right. I didn’t expect today to turn into this.
” His smile blooms wider. “But … I’m really glad it did.
” I wait for him to say something else, perhaps ask me out on an official date.
I don’t know the proper procedure. He clearly already has my number—we’ve been talking for years.
Nothing about our situation makes sense.
I look back at him, trusting he knows what to do next.
Some moments feel slow because they are boring or painful.
In this moment, time stops as it suddenly becomes scared .
I stare into the depths of his eyes as this moment, more than just a moment, quickly becomes my favorite memory.
Ty’s eyes visually caress my face, as he slides a foot forward, closing the gap between us.
I wait for him to say something, but to my surprise, he risks everything, his hand sliding to my hip and drawing me to him.
My body responds instantly, as if hypnotized, and I move with him into an embrace.
He leans close, and my heart races, expecting a kiss—but instead, he lowers his face to my cheek and presses a soft, chaste kiss in front of my ear.
The touch is so gentle and feathery light, that tingles flood the side of my face.
It lasts only a second before he pulls back.
“Is this okay?” he asks, his voice barely more than a whisper.
I don’t trust my words, so I let my fingers curl into his shirt and I nod.
He brushes his thumb along my cheek. A swallow pulses my throat as I melt into his embrace.
He lowers his face again, exactly as before, as if to drop another sweet kiss on my cheek, but I turn my head and part my lips, hoping he takes the invitation.
We share a beat of deep eye contact that travels to my toes.
His lashes lower, I tilt my chin, and our lips brush together in the slowest setting—like the whole world has been put in slow motion.
His breath is warm, pulling me in, and as I relax into his lips, his hand wraps fully around my back, tucking me into his chest. All my nerves unwind, and I drop the guardrail I’ve held between us for years.
Kissing him is everything and nothing like I thought it would be.
He’s so careful, yet attentive to every tug of my lips, it’s like we practiced for years.
When he pulls back again, he lets out a satisfied exhale.
I can’t help but chuckle, even though I’m breathless.
There’s nothing funny about this moment—the tenderness is still palpable.
“Sorry if that was out of the blue,” he says, a little winded.
“I’m terrible with words, as you can probably tell.
I’m much better with action. I just needed you to know …
you know, exactly what this moment was doing to me. ”
I bat my lashes at him. “Don’t say sorry.”
He grins at me like he’s about to lean in again, and my lips tingle in anticipation, but this time our lips fail to touch because Crunch suddenly leaps between us, bleating for attention like a tiny horned chaperone.
Ty lets out a laugh, and I take a step back, brushing my hands down my jeans. “Okay,” I say, steadier now. “I know what I need to do.”
He watches me closely as I find Crunch’s leash dragging in the dirt and I pull on it to keep him from butting Ty. It’s not working, and Ty laughs when he looks back at me. “Lock them back in their pen?”
“That too, but I need to talk to my mom,” I say. “And Bodan. It’s the only way we can have a real shot at this.”
“A real shot.” He goes still, and his eyes widen. “Is that what you want?”
Maybe it should feel presumptuous to assume that’s where we’re headed—especially after just one half-conversation and a kiss—but everything in my soul tells me: This. Is. It.
After all the years of putting everyone else first, I’m ready to focus on me. Ty is worth it. “Yeah, it is.”
His hands curl at his sides as his gaze drills into mine, like he’s searching for something.
“Lottie, I don’t want to be something you feel you have to convince yourself into, or something that will mess up things with your mom.
But if you’re sure you want this, then just know we’ll face the fallout together. ”
Relief washes through me, forcing a long exhale. He seems to already know my anxieties before I even identify them. Knowing he understands everything I’m facing makes me even more certain I can do this.
He sidesteps, collecting the other goat leashes, and I swallow hard, planting my feet like I might actually need the ground beneath me. He doesn’t know what my mom is capable of. Sure, he knows her a little, but he’s still na?ve. He hasn’t seen how fast she can turn on someone.
My fingers tighten around the leash, bracing for the risk I’m taking. But when I meet his eyes, I melt into warm, velvety goodness, and the fear loosens its grip. The look of pure admiration fuels me, and somehow, that’s enough.
I hope.