Chapter 10
“You look like shit, Oakley.” Westin stands in the doorway to my bedroom. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”
“Let it go, Westin,” I wheeze, the crackled rasp taking me back to when I was a teen with pneumonia.
“You’re so fucking stubborn and stupid. It pisses me off.”
“If you’re here to make me feel worse, you can go.” I cough, covering my mouth with my hand. Warm spray coats my palm, and I know what it is without looking because of the metallic taste in my mouth.
Bringing my hand away, red paints my flesh. I lick my lips free of blood.
“Fuck, you’re killing yourself. I just didn’t realize you’d be so stupid while doing it.” Westin stomps into the room, his vision red with anger, plucking tissues from the box to throw them at me. “You had your chance to tell her everything last night, and you didn’t.”
“You were listening to my conversation?” I wipe my mouth and my hands clean, tossing the tissue in the trash can. “That’s rude.”
“Of course, we listened. I wanted to see if you’d back out of the opportunity, and damn it, I hate being right.”
I chuckle, then groan, the pain nearly unbearable when I use any muscle.
“Oklahoma, you have to stop doing this. Stop fighting it. She doesn’t give a shit that you’re a vampire. Do you know how lucky you are?”
“She doesn’t know what it means to be my mate.
She isn’t ready to know that being with me would change her entire life.
Do you think I’m having fun coughing up blood?
Or having my skin feel like it’s pulled so tight, it might rip?
My fangs ache, Westin. Every part of me aches for her in ways you won’t understand unless you meet your mate. ”
“Then, tell her!” he yells at me. “Fucking tell her what she needs to know. I feel bad for her being mated to you. She’s out there wanting to learn about you, jumping in feet fucking first in this life with you. There was no fear when you told her about yourself. What more could you want?”
“I don’t want her to be twenty-five years old at her brother’s funeral.” I cast my eyes to the window, the rain dripping down the windowpane.
I’m so tired of the rain.
The windchimes ring together, the different pitches adding to the throb in my head.
“You’re dying of thirst. You’re dying not being mated. Please talk to her. Be honest. It’s either she buries her brother, or he buries her, which he will soon if you don’t get off your ass.”
I toss my head back on the pillow and stare up at the ceiling. I know he’s right.
“Last night, I felt fine. I was nervous I was going to hurt her, which is why I left how I did. I was on the edge. I did what I thought was best.”
The bed dips when Westin sits down on the edge. “You felt fine because you were next to her. I think Lorcan is right. How you feel, the way the emotions hit you like a million pounds, she balances that, right?”
When I think about how I feel when I’m around her, I agree with him. “I’m at peace with her. She quiets everyone’s emotions. I’m able to only focus on her.”
“And now, you’re being destroyed from the inside out because you aren’t with her. It’s happening quicker than what Lorcan said. I don’t think you’ll last much longer.”
The room spins so much that I become dizzy. I press my hands against my head, taking deep breaths to right myself. My emotions are out of control. I can’t compartmentalize anymore. Westin’s worry is like a concrete brick sitting on my chest. The weight makes it hard to breathe.
“How is she? It’s raining. Is she here or chasing?”
“She’s here. She said, and I quote, ‘This isn’t chasing weather. It’s just rain.’ And I told her you weren’t well. She’s making you food.”
“What?” I bellow, sitting up straight. “She can’t see me like this, Westin! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Blood drips from my nose, down my lips and chin.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Blood soaks into the comforter.
“That.” Westin points. “That’s what is wrong with me.
My best friend is dying because he is afraid of so many things, but the biggest, and this is just my opinion, is that you’re so tired of feeling the weight of everyone’s emotions.
It’s a curse. It weighs you down. You’ve been wanting death ever since your brother died.
“I think you can control the emotions and how you feel them from everyone. You choose not to. You think you deserve the pain of feeling everyone else’s agony.
You allow it to do this to you. Now, you have a chance of having some of that burden lifted, and you’re scared because it means you can’t torture yourself anymore. ”
I watch the rain slide down the glass, going through the chores in my head that I can’t get done today. I can’t leave the bed. There’s no way I can get up without falling to the floor.
“You can try to ignore me, but you know I’m right.”
“Please, leave, Westin.”
“No problem. Nariko will be here soon, anyway. You can’t run away when you can’t move.”
I snarl at him, flashing my fangs.
“Oooh, so scared. I’m shaking in my boots.” He flips his middle finger at me as he walks down the hall, leaving me alone with the echoes of his retreating steps.
The front door slams shut, and when I’m alone, I hold back tears.
Because he is fucking right.
Pushing myself up, I sway with dizziness. The blood wooshes in my ears. My heart is beating faster than normal. Every pound shakes my vision, causing what I see to become blurry. Grabbing my legs, I push them over the bed, my muscles and skin protesting from rubbing against the sheets.
“Fuck!” I roar so loud, the window in my bedroom cracks down the middle.
Gripping the edge of the mattress, I take a few deep breaths, remembering what Nariko felt like in my arms. The way her lips felt against mine. How I swallowed her breaths so her air was in my lungs. How her body fit perfectly in my grasp.
The more I think about her, the more my pain eases. I’m able to breathe better.
“Get your head out of your ass and get your girl, Oakley,” I mutter to myself. “And don’t let her see you like this. She’ll think you’re weak.”
I push myself up to stand, and my legs shake. My muscles, my fucking bones, they protest. My knees give out, and I catch myself on my nightstand.
“You can do this. You’re fine. You have to get to the shower.” My biceps quake from the strain, using the nightstand to help me get my bearings.
Again, my knees buckle. I fall onto the hardwood floor, and the unforgiving surface digs into my skin. Pathetically, I try to crawl to the bathroom. My sweaty palms stick to the floor, and I grit my teeth, pushing through the pain that is burning my shoulder blades.
Sweat collects on my forehead, dripping down my nose until it slips from the tip, creating a small puddle on the floor.
“Fuck,” I gasp, hanging my head in defeat. I need a break. A few seconds. That’s all.
I know I’m dying, but I never thought it would feel like this. My claws lengthen, digging into the hardwood floor. The bones in my fingers throb, and I hang my head, shouting as I drag them across the surface, leaving deep grooves that can’t be fixed.
My upper lip curls when I lift my hand to feel my fangs push from my gums. This time, the pain makes me collapse onto the floor. My teeth throb. They feel loose, like they are about to fall out.
“Why is this happening so fast?” I gasp, flipping to my back to gain some relief.
Dizziness swims in my head again, and I cover my ears when a loud, high-pitched ring happens again.
A knock on the front door travels to my bedroom. Three simple beats, but from here, the knock is like nails dragging against metal, reverberating in my head.
Snarling, I flip to my hands and knees, my brows raising in shock when blood pools around my nailbeds.
I drag myself to the wall, my knees scrubbing the hardwood. When I’m close enough, I slouch against it and exhale a long breath when the pain subsides.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I cover my ears when each pound rattles my skull. There’s no energy for me to shout at Nariko to come in. I know it’s her. Her scent can’t be mistaken. Even from here, the smell of flowers and rain has my mouth watering and my body buzzing for her blood.
It isn’t safe for her to be here. I don’t know what I’ll do. My vision hazes to red, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get them to shift back. I’m stuck in this form, dying of thirst, dying for my mate.
I whip my head to the left, peering outside my open bedroom as the front door handle twists, the metal grinding against metal. I grit my teeth, needing the grating sound to stop.
The hinges creak as the door swings open, and the floor groans when Nariko steps forward.
“Hello? Oklahoma? It’s Nariko. Westin said you were unwell, and I brought you something that always makes me feel better.”
I don’t have the energy to get up and greet her. Now that my mate is here and I can breathe her in, the agony that has infected me lessens enough for my lungs to fully expand.
“Oklahoma?” Her voice tilts with concern. “Are you here?” She takes a step, her shoe squeaking against the ground as she toes them off.
“Nariko,” I rasp, squeezing my eyes shut to get rid of the double vision.
“Where are you?” The small patter of her feet makes me smile. I love the sound of her in our house.
Ours.
Cause she’s home now.
“Here.” I lick my dry lips, barely keeping my head up. “I’m here.” It takes all the energy I have left to ball my fist; more blood pushes from my nailbeds, and my bones crack, threatening to break.
Swallowing, I bang on the wall three times. They aren’t very loud. I’m not sure if she will hear me. “I’m in here.” My throat becomes raw from the effort to speak.
A small, terrified gasp has me glance down the hall to see Nariko standing there with a big tote bag hiked onto her shoulder.
“Oakley?” She calls me by my nickname for the first time, and I rest my sore hand over my heart, loving the way my name sounds as she calls out to me. “Oh my god! What happened?” Nariko goes from a still position to dashing towards me, falling onto her knees when she gets close enough.