Twenty-Six
26
Tex
It was like coming home. The only thing that could have come in at a close second would be walking into the front door of my mom’s house and smelling her cooking. That was something I’d never experience again. And I wasn’t real damn sure I deserved to feel this again, but I’d murder anyone who tried to take it away from me with my own two hands.
Being on my bike had always been my escape. The engine rumbling beneath me, the wind in my face, the ability to ride. Ride until nothing else mattered. Ride until the demons chasing me gave up. But there had been a time in my life when the sight of my bike was so fucking painful that it was a battle for me to even get on it. I’d wanted to take a sledgehammer to it until there was nothing left but a heap of destruction…until we were the same.
I inhaled deeply and let the feel of Salem’s arms around me and her body pressed against my back bring back the deep-seated satisfaction of having my world righted. There was an energy pulsing around me that had been dormant for so damn long that I’d forgotten it’d existed. Or I’d taken it for granted back then. Thought I’d always have it. Seemed it hadn’t been buried with my mother. The peace that came with having a center, a purpose, a home that I’d assumed had been taken when I lost her.
The peace had changed sources at some point, transferring to Salem, and I’d not even realized it. Then I had let it go because it was what Mom had said was best for Salem. What I should do if I loved her. And I had loved her. So much that it goddamn hurt. I’d have done anything to make sure she got the life she wanted. My giving her up had crushed her, but it had wrecked my soul until I no longer recognized myself.
Her body leaned with mine as if a day hadn’t gone by without her behind me. I’d had a lot of bitches on the back of my bike, but none had made it feel as if this were a sanctuary. The demons, darkness, and turmoil threaded throughout my life had no place here. They didn’t fit or fucking matter. Not now.
Slowing, I turned onto the dirt road that began the six acres of land I’d bought five years ago with the plan to build a house so I had somewhere to go when I needed solace. For a moment, I had even considered finding someone I could love or care enough about to have a family with. It was fleeting, but the thought was there. The idea of having a son or a daughter, a wife to come home to—someone who belonged solely to me—had come and gone quickly. Because of the female currently warming my body.
She’d moved on, fallen in love again, and the slice of torment that had come with that made me wince. The girl who had been mine alone wasn’t any longer. Her heart had been given to someone else. And I was the reason it had happened. I had sent her away to find happiness. If I’d fucking known that the happiness would include another man, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I knew that now.
And not just any other man, but a fucking drug lord from Ireland. There was no way she could have known. The Salem I had known wouldn’t have been able to live like that. The danger that revolved around the man she’d married. Hell, talking to the damn cops today had made her look physically ill. I knew she didn’t know shit, but there was the chance she knew things that she didn’t realize she knew. Keys to bringing down the family she’d been a part of.
I wanted to drill her with questions. Had he been good to her? Had he made her feel special? Why hadn’t he given her any kids? Not that I was upset about that exactly. But, dammit, she’d be an amazing mother. She had wanted kids. A family. She’d wanted it with me at least.
The pain in my chest was back, snatching the earlier contentment from me. We weren’t those kids anymore, and there were things between us. People between us. And lies between us. I couldn’t erase all that just to have her. Even if that was all I wanted to do.
The questions I asked her wouldn’t be about her happiness. They would all have a purpose. The final goal. Finding out what she knew about her deceased husband. How she’d found out about the job here, working for Kendrix. There was no way it wasn’t connected. It was all too much of a coincidence. I would have known that even if Liam hadn’t spelled it out for me.
I knew he believed she had some insider information or that she’d come here because of something she’d been instructed to do. I intended to find out the truth and clear her name. Make sure everyone knew she was innocent.
Pulling to a stop in the clearing where I’d had trees taken down for the house I never got around to building, I cut the engine. When her hold on me loosened and then her arms left me, I realized my mistake. But if she kept touching me, my head wouldn’t be able to focus on my reason for doing this.
I glanced back at her as she began to unbuckle her helmet. The eyes that had never left my dreams took in her surroundings with interest until they came back to meet mine.
“This is your land?” she asked, pulling the helmet off her head.
Her dark locks, in a messy disarray, were distracting. Making me think of the times I’d made it look that way and the things we’d done to cause it.
“Yeah,” I replied, then cleared my throat.
“There’s so much land. I’d have never imagined there’d be anything like this close to Miami.”
We’d driven over an hour north up the coast, but I liked that she hadn’t thought it was that long. That meant she had been enjoying herself.
“It was easier to find six acres of undeveloped land in Lake Worth Beach. I doubt there is any in Miami, and if there is, it is out of my price range,” I replied, climbing off the bike.
I’d spent almost two million on this piece of land, but it had been an investment. Continuing to sink my income from the club’s profit into more strip clubs hadn’t seemed like the best financial move. I had enough invested in them. I’d wanted something that was solely mine.
I held out my hand to her after taking her helmet. She glanced down at it for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure she should take it.
“We’ve been riding for over an hour. Your legs may be a bit wobbly,” I told her, using that as an excuse.
She licked her bottom lip and then gave me her hand. I wrapped my larger one around it and enjoyed the way that simple connection felt. Letting go of it was something I didn’t want to do, but once she was off the bike, I knew I had to.
She glanced around at the ground. “How far away from the water are we? Are we in danger from an attack of any alligators?”
Chuckling, I shrugged. “It’s South Florida, Angel Face. Gators love it here. But I will keep my eyes open.”
Her eyes widened, and she glanced back at the bike, as if she considered getting back on it.
“I swear I won’t let one get you,” I assured her. “This is an equestrian community. Didn’t you see the big sign when we drove inside the gate?”
She nodded, then scrunched her nose. “You don’t ride horses… do you?”
“No, but the land was ideal and in my price range.”
I waited while she decided if she was going to go any further or not. I decided on not telling her that just beyond the trees I hadn’t cleared yet was a panoramic view of the lake. If she knew water was that close, she’d no doubt climb back on my bike.
“How did you find this place?” she asked.
“Liam has links to the equestrian community. A business partner of his son-in-law’s owned the land and wanted to sell.”
It was more like the former owner had gone bankrupt, and Liam had mentioned to me that he’d be interested in the land if his daughter and grandson weren’t in Ocala. I’d seen a good opportunity and taken it.
“It’s lovely,” she replied, her eyes drifting over the property. “Do you plan on ever building a house here?”
Yes…no. I wasn’t sure.
I shrugged. “Maybe. One day.”
Her smile was soft as she turned her eyes back to mine. “Vanna would have loved this place,” she mused.
I nodded. “Yeah, she would have.” Especially the view of the water that the house would have when the trees were all cleared.
“Do you ever visit her grave?” she asked. “I mean, sometimes, I just want to talk to her. Even if she can’t talk back.”
My chest tightened. “I do. Every time I’m in Ocala, I drive up to sit, drink a beer, tell her about life. Wish like fuck she were there to listen.”
“Right,” she whispered, turning her eyes back to the property and off me, but not before the sadness that echoed in me flickered in her gaze. “I often feel as if I failed her. Let her down.”
The only one who had failed Mom was me. I’d let her down. My cutting Salem completely out of my life wasn’t what she’d wanted. I knew that, but at the time, I had seen no other way. To be near her was to want her. Need her.
“Not a chance,” I replied.
She didn’t say anything, and for a moment, we stood there in silence. The gentle breeze caught her hair, and the faraway expression on her face made me wish I knew all her thoughts. But most would probably rip me open and leave me here to bleed.
This was my opening to begin digging into her marriage. To find out what I needed to clear her name. Fuck, it wasn’t what I wanted to do. Hearing her tell me about another man she had loved was going to be hard. I hadn’t considered it until it came time to begin. The other option though would have been handing this job to Lick, and I’d have killed him if he touched her. Held her. Fucked her.
“How did you meet your husband?” I asked, not even leading into it. Asking it was hard enough. I couldn’t be suave about it.
She blinked, slightly taken aback as she stared at me. I waited, giving her time. Talking about Mom was easy for us. We’d both loved her. But her husband was the other man who had held her heart. This was different.
Dropping her eyes to the ground, she cleared her throat. “I, um…well, it’s a bit of a long story. I wasn’t, uh, very open to dating or relationships of any kind at the time.”
Because of me. I’d caused that damage.
“He must have been persistent.”
Any sane man would be when he got one look at her. He’d move heaven and hell to have her. I almost had.
She laughed, but it was a sad sound, then nodded her head. “He was that,” she agreed. “I don’t know why he put up with me and tried so hard.”
I did.
“He was smart,” I said.
She lifted her eyes to meet mine, and the tenderness there was because of another man. Not me. Fuck, this was going to be brutal.
“He was good to me.”
He was also an international drug trafficker.
“I’m glad,” I replied.
Her eyes darted away. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me, as if she were afraid I’d see something there that she wanted to keep hidden.
Please, God, don’t have been involved with the criminal shit, Angel Face. I don’t know how I will protect you if you were—or are.
“I left you an address. You had my number. But you never even sent me a letter, text, nothing.” Her words were just above a whisper.
“Where did you leave me an address? When?” I asked. “I didn’t call or text because you had just left. Hadn’t told me about it, and I thought that was you leaving me. Telling me that you couldn’t forgive me.”
Her blue eyes swung back to me, and she frowned. “At your work. I came by to tell you that I’d been accepted and your mother’s letter of recommendation had helped. But you weren’t there. I left a note with my new address and even my flight date and time.”
I worked hard to tamp down the anger trying to boil over. Who had gotten the fucking note, and why hadn’t they given it to me? If they had, I would have chased after her. I would have moved if she’d asked me to. I had done what my mother wanted, but the sheer agony that had come with it became too much. Every day I went without her had become another sentence in hell.
“I never got a note,” I said, attempting to unclench my teeth. I was getting fucking pissed about something that had happened eighteen years ago. It was ridiculous.
She shook her head and let out a forced laugh. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t know why I asked. Years ago and water under the bridge.”
It mattered.
Asking more about her husband wasn’t something I could do right now.
“You hungry? There’s a great little seafood place about two miles from here.”
A real smile, mixed with relief, curled her full lips, and she nodded. “I’m starving.”