20. Sawyer
SAWYER
I am careful during the day while I’m with Mom not to bring Julian up. I revel in the conversation when she does, but I need to be careful. She knows me too well, and her intuition is too good. If she so much as catches a whiff of something going on between Julian and me—not that I even know what that thing would be—I’ll never hear the end of it, and any interaction between the three of us will be insanely awkward.
She and I walk to my favorite deli in town in the morning for bagels, walk down to the beach, and go back to the apartment. We read for a few hours in silence, and as much as I can’t wait to see Julian, I know that the closer we are to being with him, the closer I am to my mom going away again. Being apart from her like this over the last three years has been such a weight on my heart. A weight that he’s helped to lighten over this last month.
But finally, four o’clock rolls around, and I’m trying to act casual while I excuse myself to check myself one last time before he comes. I get ready to look down at my phone when I hear a knock on the door.
I grab my coat as she’s grabbing hers and walk toward the door. I pull it open, expecting to see Tyler or Russ, and my stomach flips at the sight of him. Even in jeans and a t-shirt, he makes me completely fucking weak. His face is scruffy, which I love, and his hair is a little more free than normal. I love seeing him like this because he feels so…normal. He feels like Julian. Not Julian Everett.
“Hi,” he says with that panty-dropping half-smile as he leans up against the doorway. My mom squeals from around the corner as she approaches, throwing her arms up as I move out of her way and let her get to him. She throws her arms around his neck as he scoops her up, squeezing her right back. “Emily, hi!” he says, and he sounds genuinely excited. He lifts her gently off the ground before setting her back down. Then he gives me a look.
“Oh, hey,” he says casually with a flippant wave and a coy smile. My mom laughs as I roll my eyes. But secretly, I love it. I love how familiar he feels to me. How close we feel. “Shall we go?” He holds an arm out toward the door, and he grabs my mom’s coat from her and helps her put it on. She walks out into the hallway as I pull one arm in my own, but I stop when I feel his hand grab the other sleeve. He helps me into it then bends forward so his lips are at my ear.
“I’d much rather help you take something off,” he whispers then pecks my cheek and walks around me to hold the door. I feel my cheeks flush as I breeze by him out into the hallway where my mother is blissfully unaware of anything going on behind her as she walks toward the steps. I hear him close my door, then I hear him pacing toward us, following us down to the first floor. Outside, Tyler is waiting next to the Escalade, smiling when he sees us. He opens the door, and I climb all the way to the back again so my mother and Julian can take the middle.
And for the next two hours, I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this happy. I’m with my absolute favorite human being and this man who has quickly become so important to me. It’s terrifying and wonderful at the same time. He takes us to Tilly’s, the same restaurant he took me to last week. He orders all kinds of food, two bottles of wine, and some delicious desserts. He asks my mom about our family, her upbringing, and being a single mom. I don’t talk much. I just sit back and watch them, smiling like a buffoon.
“And then this happened, huh?” he asks, jerking his thumb in my direction. I playfully push him as we all laugh, but I watch my mom’s eyes change as she looks at me.
“Yep, that happened. And it has been the greatest honor of my life.” I see her eyes are getting glassy, and I reach out across the table and squeeze her hand. “It’s been the two of us since day one, hey, chickadee?” I smile and nod again as she looks back to Julian. “My parents disowned me when I got pregnant. Sawyer’s dad left a few months after I got pregnant and never came back. No one was with me when I had her. No one except?—”
“Nurse Suzy,” we both say in unison. I look at Julian. “Suzy was a labor and delivery nurse working the night I was born. She realized my mom was all alone, so once her shift was over, she stayed three more hours until I was born so my mom wouldn’t be alone. We still keep in touch with her to this day.”
“We sure do,” my mom says. “She was just a stranger who saw someone who needed a person. Sort of like someone else I know.” She looks at Julian, and I can sense how uncomfortable he is.
“I was just in the right place at the right time,” he says after he clears his throat, looking from her to me. “Sawyer is the one who saved me.”
Now I am uncomfortable.
“Well, no matter how it happened,” my mother says, “I’m just so glad you could both be there for each other when you were.”
Julian and I look at each other for a moment then both drop our gazes. We talk for a little while longer before my mother checks the time on her phone.
“Time to go?” Julian asks, and she nods with a sad smile. He pays the bill, and Tyler pulls up outside. The ride to the airport is quiet as I try to calm my anxiety and come to terms with the idea of being separated from her again. But as we pull into JFK, Tyler turns out of the departures lane and onto another driveway. We pull up to a gate, and he shows his ID to a security guard who then lifts it. And before we know it, we’re pulling directly onto the tarmac. There are planes driving by, some taking off, one landing, as Tyler drives farther away from the building itself. And as we slow down, I see a beautiful white jet in front of us as he parks a few yards away from it. We look at each other then to Julian, and he smiles.
“The jet is free tonight,” he says. “I thought maybe you might enjoy some extra leg room.”
My jaw drops as my mother squeals, leaping across the seat to hug him again.
“Julian, oh my, are you sure? The first-class ticket was just fine. This is so much,” she says. He nods.
“It’s my pleasure. A few of our executives are coming out this week for meetings anyway, so two birds with one stone. Please, enjoy. The crew can whip up all kinds of things, and there is a bed at the back in case you want to rest. Full Wi-Fi too, so you can text a certain, uh, chickadee, if you feel so inclined.”
He smiles, she smiles, and I can’t stop staring at him in awe. We get out, and Tyler goes to grab her bags, but Julian stops him and takes them from him. He offers her his arm as he leads her to the plane with me following behind. I know it’s extra, but I love seeing my mom so happy, seeing her be spoiled the way she deserves to be. She says goodbye to him and thanks him for the millionth time, then she hugs me for a long time, but not long enough.
“I’m going to miss you, chickadee,” she whispers as she kisses me again.
“I love you, Mama,” I whisper back. She looks at Julian.
“You’ll get her home safe?” she asks him. He nods.
“Always,” he says, and I know he means it. And finally, we’re waving goodbye through the window of the jet as the plane pulls out toward the runway.
We get back in the car, and it’s quiet for a few minutes.
“Thank you, Julian,” I say just above a whisper. He looks at me then swipes his thumb across my hand, sending chills down my spine.
“Don’t thank me, Sawyer,” he says, his eyes on mine. We just look at each other for a few moments, taking each other in. God I want him. I want to crawl across the seat, into his lap, and finish what he started at Bedell House. I want to show him how grateful I am to him. I want to show him how badly I want him, like I’ve never wanted anyone. I’m having images of us rolling around the penthouse, breaking vases, tearing each other’s clothes off. But before I know it, we’re pulling back onto my street. And then he’s helping me out of the car and walking me back up to my door.
I give him my best “fuck me” look. I bite my lip. I bat my eyelashes. I thank him again. I reach for his arm, squeezing it. He bends down, and I hold my breath. But instead, he leaves a long, soft kiss on my forehead.
“Goodnight, Sawyer,” he says, opening the door and nudging me inside.
I clear my throat, feeling my loins sizzle like they’ve been doused in freezing-cold water.
“Goodnight,” I mumble before I slam the door shut.