Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Rarely had Cody had less of a notion of what to expect from a one-on-one meeting. While he doubted she’d agreed to take the time out of her day simply to reject him in person and tell him to leave her alone, his track record with Erika wasn’t exactly anything he could write home about.
In truth, their time together had been so topsy turvy and unpredictable that even as he strode through the door of the barbecue joint, his heart thundered like a lightning heavy rainstorm. Still, the sight of her in a booth waiting with her back to the door made his ever-hopeful heart lift. She’d shown up like she said she would.
He refused to see her physical presence as anything but a good sign.
That was when he noticed her appearance. Erika reminded him of a bird who’d just fluttered off from an electrical fence that had sent a mild jolt through her entire system. Her hair had been mussed like she’d been weaving her hands through it again and again, and she jumped a mile when all he did was touch her shoulder.
“Whoa… It’s just me,” he said, hands up like a perp on a TV crime show.
Why was she so flighty and nervous? Her reaction made his own nerves ramp up to the degree that the grin he’d been wearing melted right off his face. Cody braced himself for the worst.
The only thing keeping him sane was the knowledge that she could’ve continued to act as if he didn’t exist, yet she’d responded to him when he’d texted. She reciprocated it quickly, too. No dillydallying or hesitation.
Yet he couldn’t help feeling anxious since even when things seemed to be fine—or even spectacular—between them, it hadn’t taken much to suck all the wind from their sails. And often that something came out of the blue to knock him on his backside.
“I have a lot to tell you,” Erika began, her complexion pale as she rubbed her palms together as though for the friction despite the toasty warmth of the room. “But first, I need to apologize, Cody. I’m afraid I haven’t been treating you fairly.”
Of all the sentiments she could express to him, those words weren’t the ones he would’ve ever guessed.
“Lately I’ve been evaluating some of the decisions I’ve been making, and I haven’t liked everything I’ve seen,” she continued. “Maybe this is too much information for where we are with each other, but I’ve been struggling for a long time. Struggling with my late husband’s death. But the problem with that is that I’ve been flip flopping on you in the interim, and that’s not okay.”
“I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling,” he said, tugging on her hands and placing them between his own for the heat. He didn’t know how long she’d been waiting for him, but hers were ice cold.
“Thank you, but don’t exonerate me just yet. I’ve been keeping myself attached to Blake. I didn’t even realize how much until I dated you. I’ve come to understand that what I’ve been doing isn’t healthy, and I want to change that. I check kids’ hearts every single day, but I wasn’t monitoring my own. Nor was I doing a good job with yours. That stops now.”
She paused, and when she pivoted backward in the booth to watch a fresh group of people come in, seemed to lose track of her thoughts. He squeezed her hand. Wanting to hide his wariness, he allowed his lips to lift into a smile.
“Go on. You were telling me all these things about your heart.”
Erika squeezed his hands back, then laced them together, something she’d never previously done.
“I don’t really know how to date the right way,” she stated. “My only frames of reference are the one bad date I had as a teenager prior to Blake, the couple of times I sat there comparing other men to my husband over the past decade and a half, and then you.”
“Did you do that to me, too? Compare me to Blake?”
“Maybe some. At the beginning. But then we were able to talk to each other like old friends at the dessert shop. And up in Billings when you held me in your arms on that dance floor, I hadn’t felt that cared for in forever. I became enamored with you right up to the point when I felt guilty, deceitful for—maybe I shouldn’t tell you this…”
“Tell me what?” he prompted.
“On our way home, I started to think of the good time I was having with you as cheating on Blake.” She shook her head and yanked her hands free, waving him off preemptively. “I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I thought of it at the time. That’s why I pulled away and retreated from you.” She peered up at him looking sheepish. “At the risk of sounding like some lame cliché, it wasn’t you, it was me.”
He chuckled, and while it was tinged with more of a nervous edge than he wished it was, it also made her release a tiny bit of laughter, and that relieved some of the tension surrounding them.
“How about I cut right to the chase?” he suggested. “Whatever wrong you think you’ve caused me, I forgive you. How about that?”
“You’re letting me off the hook awfully easy.”
“I’m not one to go around holding grudges. Life is too short.”
“It is,” she agreed, latching her gaze onto his. “It seriously is.”
There was something different about the features of her face, a quality to her complexion that was hard to pinpoint. But as he surveyed her and attempted to come up with an explanation, Cody supposed she seemed more settled and confident than she had when he’d initially spotted her. Also, now that she’d laid all her cards on the table, there was this sense of tranquility about her as she visibly relaxed.
“I’m glad you agreed to see me again.”
“Me, too.” Her eyes, those big and beautiful dark orbs sparkled. “I’m now a fully-fledged nurse practitioner.”
“Are you now?” Cody grinned over at her, thrilled to hear this. Especially since as she spoke the words, she literally glowed .
“Yes. I have my own prescription pad and everything.”
“Now, now,” he teased. “Don’t let all that power go to your head.”
From there, the night switched to something he’d experienced with her before, a great time. And while he couldn’t quite help maintaining the teeniest bit of caution when it came to letting his guard drop all the way down, the giddy flow of ideas back and forth was addictive.
They ate some delicious if messy pulled barbecue, sharing their different dishes with one another and even fed each other the Three Sisters’ famous honey cornbread. They talked for hours, chatting about everything under the sun. He told her about his son choosing to stay in southern California for the sake of a girl and about Boone’s likely change in his professional hockey career.
Then, she enlightened him about what was happening with her own job.
“Where are you going to be working?”
“Well, I’d been planning this uncomfortable exodus from Tim’s office as I transferred to a clinic or even long distance to a hospital or something. But my boss surprised me by accommodating my new role right in the same location. We’ve only just started with me taking on more responsibility—especially for any kids with diabetes—while Tim takes a step back, but so far, it’s going well. With luck, it’ll work long term.”
She was so lovely as she sat there across from him. Erika had been gorgeous from the second he’d spied her at that wedding, but tonight, with her willingness to be transparent and honest with him, he could swear that her attractiveness had increased even more. Maybe because it was undeniable that her beauty happened to be both external and internal in nature.
That was when he noticed that she had a smudge of barbecue sauce on her cheek.
“You have a little sauce right there.” He gestured toward her cheek, but every time she swiped at it with her napkin, she missed the spot. “Uh, no. To your left. A bit lower. Back near your ear a little more. Almost…”
Erika huffed out in frustration, and he found it adorable. Really, neither of them were probably at an age that most would call adorable, but he didn’t care. The woman was mesmerizing and with her excitement about her freshly acquired position, she was basically shining like a star from the inside out.
“Will you just… get it for me?” she finally asked him, and his grin stretched even wider.
“I’ll do my best,” he drawled, using his thumb to remove the smudge. But that was when she turned her head and kissed his thumb until any remnants of the barbecue sauce were gone. This action sent a bolt through him that awakened Cody in every manner possible.
His desire to kiss her back became nearly overwhelming. Particularly when she peeked over at him, and the intensity of her gaze holding his hostage. It made him want to sweep her into one of those swirling dance moves, lean her back in dramatic fashion, and lock his lips to hers until her head spun.
Never had any woman inspired such a daydream from him. But that was the thing about Erika Cantrell. Not only did she make his imagination take flight, she kept it soaring among the heavens with no effort at all.
Again, the evening passed as if someone had put time on fast forward, the hour growing late before they realized it. That had occurred prior to now, but something hit Cody different this time around. Before, under the surface and unnoticeable if you didn’t know to look for it, there had been this slightly pinched aspect to Erika’s features.
It’d been nothing over the top, but since he’d gotten to know her better, its absence was apparent. Now, after her confessing what she’d been enduring and the conflict churning in her mind, that pinched aspect was gone. Just completely missing.
It gave Cody not just hope but the reassurance she wouldn’t run away from him this time. That he might actually have the opportunity to see if there was really anything between them. That thought made him give himself a mental shake. Of course there was something between them. The issue was figuring out the next steps.
With dinner finished, they meandered out of the eatery hand-in-hand. His truck was parked right next to her car and that made him smile like a lovesick fool.
He walked her to her car, barely even aware of the brisk winter weather. The next day would invite in the month of December, and suddenly, that month seemed rife with possibilities to him. He watched as she peered up into the night sky where a cascade of glimmering stars spread out overhead, highlighted by the brilliance of the Milky Way.
There was a sight he rarely if ever saw in Minneapolis. Another benefit of small-town living.
The only drawback was that most businesses were either closed or closing at this time of night. He didn’t want the date to end, and based on how Erika seemed to be reluctant to hop behind her steering wheel, she must agree with him.
“Thank you for going out with me again,” he told her.
“Thank you for being so understanding about everything.”
“I’m very understanding. Some even say I’m a pretty nice guy,” he intoned with a smirk, but she didn’t smile.
“You are,” she said instead. “You absolutely are.”
It was how her eyes focused so exclusively on his lips that had his smirk faltering. Not because she’d become sad or tentative like before, but because bit by bit she was narrowing the distance between them. He met her halfway, and reliving the sensation of her lips sealing to his was like being reborn into the world.
Even still, as they broke their connection, he couldn’t help watching her expression carefully. They’d reached this point previously only to have things fall apart, and a part of him remained leery despite all the positivity this evening had shown him.
But there was nothing negative on her face whatsoever. Rather her lips had curled up at each corner—the softest of smiles—as she maintained their eye contact. It was like she was searching every corner of his soul.
“Please tell me we can do this again,” she breathed, and he swallowed.
Do what again? Meet up? Go out for barbecue? Talk half the night? Kiss beneath the stars? He was more than happy to repeat any and all of it. So his answer was uncomplicated.
“Yes.”
It was Erika’s composure that broke out across the parking lot.
“Yes?” She let out a snicker. “Yes to what?”
“Yes to whatever you want.” Only after the sentence was out of his mouth did it occur to him that making such a statement might not be wise. Especially considering their troubled backgrounds and past relationship. Honestly, saying such a thing was risky.
It was just that Cody didn’t care.
“Then let’s go out again next Saturday,” she suggested. Likely for clarification’s sake.
“Same time?”
She nodded. “Same time.”
“Want me to pick you up from your place?”
She smiled at him. “That would be great.”
“In that case, I’ll see you next Saturday.”
“Yes, you will.”
Even after this tete-a-tete, neither of them shifted position. They’d been standing incredibly close but no longer touching, and Cody decided to alter this by looping his arms around Erika’s shoulders. He needed to hold her for just a little longer.
And from how swiftly she shifted to join him, wrapping her arms around his torso in return, she must’ve felt the same.