Chapter 10
Tane
Maybe I stared at Kirion lying on my couch a little too long. I wasn’t sure I cared about my manners just now. I couldn’t stop thinking how beautiful he was. And injured. And technically mine.
He closed his eyes and brought his knees closer to his chest, his injured hand at the edge of the blanket.
I didn’t want to leave the room, leave him alone.
The urge to watch him as he slept off the pain and the Scotch felt like a dozen chains anchoring me to the floor.
Yes, I’d signed a contract saying he was my responsibility.
Yes, I felt protective now that Malin had returned and we’d had an argument.
But the rest of my feelings made no sense.
Such as my tight muscles and hitched breathing.
Nerves, I told myself. That was all. But that didn’t entirely explain why I felt the need to move closer, brush his soft-looking sunlight hair back from his cheek or wait until those beautiful blue eyes opened once again.
I had nothing to excuse those thoughts.
I shook my head to clear it.
Kirion was a person. Maybe he didn’t have rights but in my household I was the boss and lawmaker. I could decide.
I wasn’t the type of guy who thought of omegas, including sets, as servants. Or slaves. I’d bought Kirion hoping Malin would see him and want him. Even fall in love. How could I be so na?ve?
For day, I hadn’t been thinking right. Malin giving me grandchildren, filling the house with love again, was a fantasy I’d had for over a year.
The dream had few details. I simply knew I wanted that.
I wanted a house that was warm again. Happy.
Like my garden. Filled with wonderful scents and good times at every holiday.
Going to wolf country had been my last ditch eager and thoughtless grab at making a place of belonging again.
If I’d been an omega, some might say my mood this past year was some sort of nesting mode. But I was an alpha so that didn’t make much sense. Not that alphas didn’t like comfort and love, but the household and home parts were more omega-formed.
It had been a long time since losing Rupert.
My grief had gone from an all-encompassing shock and dissipation of self for that first year to, now, a cinder.
Sometimes I forgot his face. The bond we shared had become a numb scar deep inside me, something I got used to and didn’t think about every day anymore.
But maybe I was missing him more lately? I had to ask myself hard questions because my behavior, when I looked at myself carefully, was odd.
I had thrown money at the idea of getting an omega into the house.
It didn’t matter how. I didn’t question if he was for me because Malin was a factor.
And an excuse for buying him. I’d made a sort of pact with myself that I would grow old alone.
I didn’t want a new partner. I was totally okay with myself. Wasn’t I?
I’d convinced myself going to Rohan’s castle was like another business trip. I had everything planned. Now I saw clearer. I hadn’t planned enough.
Finally, I forced myself to leave the den. Kirion was fine. He knew his way around. He didn’t need a babysitter and his injury had been treated.
But it was so hard to physically walk out of that room.
Guilt coursed through me. What if Kirion woke and forgot where he was and got scared?
What if he got sick from the alcohol, or had an allergy to the stuff Elias and I had put on his hand?
What if Malin found him and gave him the third degree again and made him want to bolt?
Kirion had nowhere to go. I had to make sure he was comfortable, safe. And not terrorized by my unruly son.
When I forced myself to walk away, I went straight to my home office. There I could bury myself in contracts and numbers. Things that made sense to me. Problems that could be solved with the right assistants and the right amount of money.
This was the easier part of my life. Work. Like gardening, I lost hours to it without ever looking up. I may have grieved a mate thirteen years ago, but I was one of the lucky ones. I not only survived, eventually I flourished.
A knock on my door nearly made me jump.
I quickly checked the time. Three hours had passed. “Come in.”
The door opened. Elias spoke as I turned in my chair. “I thought you’d like to know your guest is up. He went up to his room. He made no complaints.”
“Thank you.”
I had to hand it to Elias. He had my back. I paid him well, but he went above and beyond the job description. The thought reminded me he and my staff were due for raises. I was over-generous and I knew it, but it kept them happy. That made me content.
“Shall I set the dinner table for two later?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. I’ll say yes and if that changes I’ll let you know.”
“Very well, sir.”
I got up, stretching my body, thinking about going to the downstairs gym for an hour. But first, I wanted to check on Kirion.
My office was on the second floor down from Malin’s gaming room. The floor was silent, but he was somewhere around. Bored and probably planning his next trip.
I took the stairs two at a time to the third floor and stood in front of Kirion’s door, suddenly hesitant.
Would he think I was being intrusive? He was an adult.
He knew how to take care of himself. But the alpha in me burned to see him face to face.
He’d been injured. Did he need more medicine? Something more for the pain?
The Scotch had put him straight to sleep, which he’d probably needed, but that had no doubt long worn off.
Something in me forced my hand up, not caring if Kirion would think I was meddling. I rapped loudly on his door. It opened almost immediately.
Kirion stood before me, blinking slowly. He still looked a little sleepy but he was on his feet. That was good. His bandaged hand hung limply at his side.
“I came to check on you. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
I couldn’t help but look past him into the room. His computer sat on a table nearby. But not much else had changed. In the future, I hoped to see him order things he wanted—bedding, new curtains, even furniture—things to make the room more his.
“I’m feeling good. The nap was good.” His eyes darted everywhere but at my face.
“Are you in pain? I’ve got whatever you may want for that.”
He lifted his hand waist-high, staring at it. “It smarts a little.”
“You need to stay hydrated. Drink water. I can have juice brought up.”
“Um, there’s some in the fridge,” he said softly.
“Good. Anything you want, just ask.”
His shoulders came up. His chest rose as he took a breath to speak. “Are you all right?” he asked. “You looked pretty shocked today. When—when it happened.”
“I’m not the one who was hurt.”
He nodded. “But you went all pale.”
Had I? “Well, I didn’t know how badly you were hurt.”
He nodded a second time.
I gestured at his computer behind him. “Can you even type?”
“Yeah. My fingers work. It tugs a little but the bandage has stayed tight.”
“We’ll change it tonight.” Damn. I was all over this as if I couldn’t leave it alone.
Certainly, I took my responsibility seriously, but I was already wanting to unwrap him and examine the wound. What if we’d left a glass shard or two? What if he was allergic to the antibiotic? What if the cut didn’t close right and started to bleed again?
“Okay,” he replied. Now he was staring at me, a divot forming between his eyebrows. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
I replied quickly. “I’m fine.” But my thoughts were clamoring, my need to care for him nearly overpowering. “I’ll be in the downstairs gym if you need anything.”
“Right.” The muscles around his eyes tightened.
“Will you come down for dinner at seven?”
“With you?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“I—I guess.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.”
When I walked away, I didn’t hear the door close.
He was watching me. Had I confused him? Well, hell, I was confusing myself.
Maybe all this was bringing up old thoughts of Rupert.
I had had strange dreams last night. It could be I was reacting to that, like a long-term ghostly feeling had caught hold of me all these years later.
On the way to the gym, I took my phone from my pocket and brought up Danon’s number.
He was the counselor I’d talked to after Rupert passed.
At first it was twice a week. Later, once a month until finally I didn’t need him anymore.
He’d been a good therapist. Someone I trusted.
Now I saw him a couple times a year for sessions and occasionally at social events associated with some of my businesses.
He had an office but had never made me go through his secretary.
I still paid him for his time, but our appointments felt easier and more casual for me if we could have them over a meal or coffee.
I texted him.
Do you have time to talk? Maybe tomorrow? Nothing urgent but hopefully sooner rather than later.
I heard back within thirty seconds, just as I was walking into the gym.
Tomorrow would be fine. Afternoon is best. You? And where should we meet?
It needed to be out of the house. I didn’t want Malin or Kirion to know, though I wasn’t sure why I was hiding the fact that I had a therapist. Lots of people did.
I hurriedly texted back.
Two. Coffee at the Knave?
I’ll be there.
I turned my phone off and looked up. Malin was just getting off a stationary bike. He had a white towel draped around his neck.
“I was just finishing up.” He could not keep the sour tone from his voice.
“No hurry,” I said.
I headed toward the closet where I kept my sweats, trying to ignore him, but there were mirrors all along one wall and half of another. I could see him staring at me. I turned back to face him.
“Are you off on a trip again soon?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. I like traveling. I’m not ready to anchor somewhere permanently yet. Why?”
“Just asking.”
He frowned, one eye twitching. “What are you going to do with him, Dad?”
“Who?”
He let out a sound that was part sigh, part hiss. “You bought an omega, Dad. Did you forget? It was supposed to be for me.”
“He’s a he, not an it.”
“Whatever. You gonna return him?”
“He’d go for auction again and his chances of being sold somewhere worse than here are high. So that answer is no.”
“Maybe I’ve changed my mind. Maybe I’ll take him.”
Before I had a chance to think about my words and the heat behind them, I blurted, “I already told you I changed my mind.”
Malin spread his hands, smirking. “Fine. But he was originally for me.”
“I realize it was a mistake.” Kirion in Malin’s hands? Whatever had I been thinking?
“Why? Because I’m too immature? Not ready to settle? Or because maybe it’s you who really wants him?”
I turned away, but I could still see him in the mirror, scowling. My unhappy, bored son who’d lost his favorite father at age ten and never recovered.
Malin continued. “He’s my age.”
“Technically, two years older.”
“That’s quite an age gap, don’t you think? Dad?” He put his emphasis on that final word. “I know you don’t even want me here. That’s one reason I stay away. Now you’ve brought in someone else. You’re pretty fucked up, aren’t you?”
“Enough!” I raised one fist but not high enough that he could see it. I’d never laid a hand on my son and I never would.
He clomped past me. “Fine. I was just leaving. I’m flying out to the coast tonight. Meeting friends. Good talk, Dad.”
I said nothing as the door to the gym swung closed. The lights seemed to darken for a moment, but I knew it was just my imagination.