Chapter 12
Tane
Danon shook my hand warmly, grip strong.
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
We both folded our umbrellas and left them in the rack by the door. It was pouring outside and had been since last night.
“At least six months,” I said.
We had exchanged emails on holidays and Danon was good at sending check-up emails once every three months. But that was about it for our twice a year therapy relationship.
“I’m assuming something’s come up,” Danon said. “But let’s get drinks first.”
“Coffee for me,” I said. “Anything you want. I’m paying.”
Danon ordered coffee, as well as a sampler plate of the coffee house’s pastries.
When we were settled and had exchanged the proper amenities, Danon gently segued into therapeutic mode.
“Tell me what’s new with you.”
“Yeah. I will. That’s why I called.”
“Are you doing okay? Getting out and about?”
“Not really. You know me. Housebound except when business calls. Then I work long hours.”
“After all these years, you still prefer to be alone, then.”
“Somewhat. But something happened and….” I took a deep breath.
“I’m all ears.”
“I don’t know where to start. I supposed I’ll just begin with the crazy notion I had that led me to this point.
It had to do with Malin and our relationship.
Or lack of one. My frustration with him led me to thinking.
” I stopped, not sure how to go on. This wasn’t about Malin.
Not anymore. Besides, Danon already knew all about Malin and our rift.
“And what was the result of your thinking?”
“It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud now.”
“No judging here, I promise.”
I winced. “You might change your mind once I start talking.”
“I’ve heard it all. It can’t be that bad, can it?”
I let out a slow breath. “I just want Malin to settle. To mature.”
“He’s always been a handful.”
I tried not to roll my eyes. But failed. “That’s a nice way of putting it. I thought if I got him an omega he’d be grateful, want to go a different direction. Experience love. Have a family.”
Danon held up his hand. “Wait. Did you say you ‘got him an omega’?”
“I did.” I took a quick sip of my still hot coffee. “I—I went to a set omega auction.”
“You?” His eyebrows rose high. “I’m surprised. Still not judging. Tell me more.”
I described Rohan’s palace, then Kirion, the princeling. Danon’s eyes grew wider but he didn’t interrupt. My heart beat harder as I unfolded the story of Malin’s rejection, of me changing my mind and not wanting Malin to have anything to do with Kirion. Then I stopped.
“Well, that sets the stage. But I’m thinking you have more to say.”
“I do.”
“Are you thinking of returning him?”
“No. I can’t do that to him. He’s under my protection. If I let that go, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“Why? How long has he lived at your place?”
“A few days, but—”
“That’s not very long. But your sense of responsibility has taken over already.”
I nodded. “It was a contract I signed.”
“A business agreement, yes. I hear you.” Danon slowly took a bite of pastry, put it down and licked his fingers. “But you didn’t come here to talk to me about business, did you?”
“I—I—” He was astute. He’d helped me through the worst time of my life and I would’ve recommended Danon to anyone who needed a calm, therapeutic presence.
“Take your time.” Danon reached out and patted my arm which was leaning against the tabletop. “Tell me more about Kirion.”
What could I say? Sunlight hair and ocean blue eyes.
Beauty that drew the eye. A scent like a favorite day.
He had the grace of a deer, not a wolf, and the experience of discovering he was different which gave him a unique strength of mind.
Then he’d been taken from all he’d known, the good and the bad, and placed in an alien environment.
I looked up at Danon. “Kirion is what he is. Stolen from all he knows and without power.”
“I know what a set omega is. But what is he like?”
I frowned. “Like anyone else. Unhappy.”
“You think everyone is unhappy?”
“I meant that people never seem to be content.”
“And you?”
“I like my life okay now. Malin’s gone often. I enjoy doing what I want and working in my garden. I have a routine. I have a life where I have everything I need.”
“Yes. You do.” He sounded hesitant. Challenging.
“What’s that tone supposed to mean?”
“You can do anything you want. That’s the truth. But you are alone.”
“So? Some people like it that way.”
“I’m just stating a truth. You’re allowed to enjoy peace and quiet. You’re a little young for that but allowed.”
“Thank you.” My heart rate had gone up a little until I realized Danon wasn’t trying to make me upset. He just wanted me to think deeply about statements and words.
“Back to Kirion. Tell me more about him.”
“Right. For everything he’s gone through—and you can imagine—”
Danon nodded, brows narrowed.
“--there’s a fierce heart beating inside that one.”
“He’s a strong personality, then.”
“Smart. Strong. Raised in royalty. Luxury. But not too spoiled. Not like—”
“Malin.” It wasn’t a question.”
“He’s not like Malin at all.”
“What I’m hearing is that when Malin rejected him it woke you up inside a little. He’s not right for Malin. In fact, maybe completely wrong for him. Is that the moment you realized your idea was maybe not well thought out?”
I drank more coffee to cover my confusion. Words were getting scrambled in my mind. Was that it? Was my mind going? “It was a ridiculous idea,” I confessed.
I lowered my head and stared at the now empty bottom of my mug.
“Not ridiculous. Just not like you. And that’s why you’re here. To talk about it.”
“I knew it was a stupid idea before Malin rejected him. But I set out anyway to accomplish my plan. I just—” I gulped. “I don’t know why I went to the auction. I kept thinking Malin needed someone. Something different. I repeated it in my mind like a mantra.”
I must’ve spoken a little loudly, because Danon reached out, softly speaking. “Okay. That’s fine.” He held up his other hand and asked the waiter for refills.
When we were settled with our hot drinks again, he said, “Is it different having someone else living at your house?”
“I have staff. Malin is in an out occasionally.”
“Yes, but this is different. Like a permanent guest, I suppose. Does it intrude on your space? Your privacy?”
I hadn’t thought about that. “No.”
“Well, that’s something. But you feel responsible for him, you said.”
“I am. I never turned him over to Malin. I bought him under my name. I’m the one who owns him.”
“You’re the one who brought him in. That was your choice.”
“Yes, but I wasn’t thinking. Right? Is something wrong with me?” I ended that question with a nervous laugh.
And we were right back to the question of why I’d done it while knowing Malin wasn’t going to want this, but Danon was too good at his job to ask again in those same words.
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“But you think I did this for me, right?”
“I didn’t think anything. Or say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“You’re alone a lot. That’s all I’m saying. Malin is absent from your life even when he drops back home for a few days.”
“Again, I’ve told you, I have staff.”
“That’s not the same. Not family,” Danon said.
“But I’ve been fine. I’m content with my life. Well, not with my son, but everything else is going well.”
I watched Danon’s expression change, his eyes soften.
I knew his tells. He was thinking fast but not letting me in on everything.
Once I asked him about his behavior to pause, to look like he was pondering deep thoughts.
He was honest and told me he changed tactics when he thought a client was avoiding real feelings.
He wanted them to come to their own conclusions at their own pace.
“Now you’re responsible for a set omega. For his well-being. Hell, for his entire life. What is that like?”
“I told you. A business arrangement.” I could deal well with that.
“But he’s a person, too. His needs are more than business. They’re not just about contract and law and commodities.”
Rubbing my forehead seemed to help my clarity. Everything he said was right. “I know.”
“This responsibility is different from Malin. Your son’s an adult. Autonomous. Kirion will never be free. Not by our laws.”
“I know.”
“You’ll be spending your lives together. What about the future?”
The future? I hadn’t thought of that. I couldn’t move my mind that far ahead.
I’d learned in those early years of my grief to take everything one day at a time.
In business, the future was always in flux.
I hired experts to help with predictions.
That was analytics. Black and white. Easy to comprehend.
I pictured Kirion standing in my garden amazed that I’d created it. He hadn’t expected that. I was a process to him until that moment, as he was to me. Something bought, something owned. To a purpose.
What sort of future could I think about from that for myself? I’d convinced my brain about grandchildren. But that was not going to happen.
I blinked up at Danon. “I wanted the house to be filled with love again. Grandchildren. That’s what I was thinking even though I had to know somewhere in my mind that Malin wouldn’t go for it. Malin defies anything I say for the sake of defiance.”
What did Danon think he knew by making me bring up that? That I’d gone to bid on Kirion for myself? Not true!
“Grandchildren. What a nice idea.” He spoke low, taking a sip of his drink.
I didn’t reply. It seemed so simple now. What he was thinking and my behavior lined up. I fought the notion for a few more seconds that maybe I wanted someone else in the house—an omega—for myself. Something inside my chest began to ache.
“You have a responsibility for something other than business dealings. That probably makes the alpha in you pretty happy.?”
It was not a question but a suggestion. Again, his tactics were designed to make me think about everything at my pace.
“It has been making me a little hyper, yes. I have a need to keep him safe. Taken care of.”
Danon nodded as if he knew I’d say that. “And does your dragon have any feelings?”
He knew Tanekan, my dragon, didn’t speak since the severing of my bond at Rupert’s death.
But he had emotions that bled through when I shifted and we flew.
I felt everything he felt. Including his unique dragon grief for many years.
Now we had a silent understanding, a pact of mutual, peaceful existence.
But I had missed his voice in my head, always excited about new things, these past years.
“He has no problem with Kirion. He shares my responsibility.”
“But is there emotion? Does he speak yet?”
“No talking. Not a lot of emotion. He likes him or I’d feel repulsion. I know that much.”
“The urge for an alpha to care for an omega, especially one that is helpless, is a major event for both human and beast. Sometimes there are hormonal changes. It can be both pleasant and disruptive.”
I gulped. “Hormonal?”
“Yes. Very much so.”
“All right, so what are you saying?”
“You called me, remember? You wanted to talk about this.”
“I know.”
“Will you let me ask you a personal question?”
“I’m ready.” I needed to hear his opinion. I trusted him.
“Are you attracted to him?’
“What?”
“It’s an easy enough question. Are you attracted to Kirion?”
I couldn’t get him out of my mind. That was the truth. But hearing it spoken of out loud was another matter. I couldn’t lie. Not to Danon. Not to myself.
“Yes.”
“Yes, you’re attracted?”
“It’s not real, though, right? It’s just because he’s an omega who’s dependent on me for everything. It can’t be real.”
Danon replied with one simple statement that sent my mind reeling. “You’re an alpha. You have needs. Why not?”