Chapter Twenty-Three
Calder
Had Calder really just said that out loud? And had he really just used his alpha voice?
Reaching up to touch his throat, Calder met Zinn’s eyes. The omega stared at him, stunned.
What had come over him? At first, he’d simply wanted to make sure Zinn was okay.
He’d been registering the omega’s thickening scent all day.
It had driven him crazy to the point where he kept needing to palm his aching cock.
When he walked into the office fifteen minutes ago—Stars!
It was like being knocked over by a tornado.
He’d wanted to rip off Zinn’s pants, bend him over the couch, and give the man exactly what his body craved. Thankfully, Ked’s presence had forced him to gather his restraint.
But then Zinn started talking about how he planned to give himself to a stranger, and Calder’s body had a primal reaction.
He hadn’t planned it. Hadn’t thought about it. Had never seriously considered that he’d share a heat with an omega again. Not after losing Denni.
The unfiltered words had tumbled from his mouth without permission.
Why didn’t you ask me?
But even as his mind swam with the implications, his inner alpha vibrated with satisfaction.
Zinn didn’t need to settle for the less-invested touch of a random man. Calder would see him through his heat.
“Ask you?” Zinn finally hushed out.
At the omega’s shocked face, the last vestiges of Calder’s indecision evaporated.
“Yes,” Calder said, a hint of formality in his tone. “You just said you didn’t have any alpha friends to help you, but we both know that isn’t true.”
“You?”
“Am I that repulsive?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Then is it so unimaginable?” Calder put his hand back on Zinn’s knee.
His alpha affirmed the rightness of the gesture.
“I’m your boss, Zinn, but we’re also friends.
I think I’ve proven that I…care…about you, that I have your best interests at heart.
That’s why you trusted me when I hired you, and when I suggested learning cake decorating.
And why you’re so at ease with Jordie and Ked. ”
“You have been great to me. And I love your boys. I just never thought…”
“Didn’t you? I know you’ve felt it too, the change between us these past few months.
” Calder brushed the dyed brown strands of Zinn’s hair off his forehead.
“I realize there’s a lot I don’t know about you.
Things you obviously want to stay hidden.
” His fingers drifted over the mole on Zinn’s face—he’d only recently stopped covering it—and down the shell of his ear before massaging the lobe between his thumb and forefinger.
“Calder,” Zinn whispered, closing his eyes.
“I’m not asking for your secrets. Or your confessions. I don’t need details about your past to understand that you and I have two years of history, no matter what happened before, and if you’ll let me, I’d like to help you.”
“I don’t know.” Shuddering even as he protested, Zinn leaned into Calder’s touch.
“I understand that you are strong and independent. I admire you for it. And I’m not trying to control you or take away your power. I’m saying that the past two years have not been for nothing. Let me do this. You don’t have to rely on someone you don’t know.”
Zinn shook his head, capturing Calder’s hand against his cheek before placing it firmly back in Calder’s lap.
“Cap, that’s just it. The point of using the service is that it’s not personal. More like…transactional.”
“But why? You’re talking about taking someone inside your body. Having him see you through your delirium, not to mention the rest of your heat. What I’m suggesting is commonplace. Lots of single omegas utilize alpha friends.”
“That’s not the issue. You said it yourself.
I’ve got a past I don’t talk about. There are memories I want to forget.
Like my last three heats. They were terrible experiences.
Not just bad, but truly horrendous. This will be the first time I’ve gotten to decide what I want for myself.
Using a service is impersonal, but at least I get to dictate the terms.”
Calder didn’t know where to begin his response.
Obviously, he was curious about Zinn’s past heats.
He also hadn’t missed that this upcoming heat would be Zinn’s fifth, so he apparently wasn’t lumping his first one into the terrible experience category.
Why? Had he once had an alpha he trusted? Loved?
But Calder knew the proud omega wouldn’t give him those details if he asked. He focused instead on Zinn’s stated concern.
“Do you think if I helped you that I would try to control you?” he asked. “Because I wouldn’t. I respect your autonomy. Whatever agreements you made with the service and with the other alpha, I would honor them as well.”
Zinn’s pulse ticked in his neck. “You shouldn’t say that until you’ve actually thought it through more.”
“You don’t trust me to keep my word?”
“It’s not that.” Zinn bent his elbows and steepled his fingers together, resting his chin on top of them. “We don’t want to mess up what we have here. If you serviced my heat, that would create a pretty complicated situation between the two of us.”
“Not necessarily. We’re both adults,” Calder reasoned.
“We could handle any awkwardness that might pop up afterward, especially if we anticipate it. I trust the staff to be discreet, and the boys too. Everyone would understand. Beyond that, I don’t see much difference between it being me versus someone you contract with through a service. ”
“You really don’t?”
“No. I’m not an expert by any means, but I am aware that plenty of alphas in my situation—older and unattached—work with heat services to get matched with omegas because they want to experience heat.
If it puts you at ease, we could set up a contract through your service, formalize our arrangement.
” Calder grimaced at the thought, but if it made Zinn more comfortable, he’d do it.
He also hoped helping Zinn might spark something more between them. He’d been talking himself out of his attraction to the enigmatic omega for a year, but it hadn’t stopped the attachment from growing.
It had been almost a decade since Calder buried his husband.
He’d never dated during that time and only found hookups when his body truly required it.
But Zinn had penetrated the wall surrounding his heart.
Calder wasn’t sure he could love someone again, and he felt guilty even considering it, but the omega had drawn him in.
Calder saw his own soul-deep wariness reflected in Zinn’s eyes, and he longed to make him light up with joy.
More than that, he wanted to take away his pain.
Calder did not need to know the specifics of Zinn’s past to believe they could help each other heal.
But based on the omega’s skeptical expression, he wasn’t ready to hear that.
“The alpha I contracted with isn’t older,” Zinn said. “He’s a few years younger than me, a grad student.”
Calder frowned. “Are you saying you object to being with me because I’m too old?”
“No!” Zinn responded quickly. “Absolutely not. Old is the last word I’d use to describe you.” He gave Calder an admiring once-over. “You must know how hot you are. The customers can barely keep their tongues off the floor sometimes, especially the single omegas… Old. Pfft. You’re at your peak.”
Zinn blushed, but Calder appreciated the reassurance.
“Thank you, sunshine. But if I’m at my peak, how come you won’t accept my offer?”
“I just said. The terms of the agreement. I doubt you could live with them.”
Calder struggled to imagine what could be so bad. Did the omega have unusual requests? Calder didn’t consider himself kinky, but he could keep an open mind. “Try me.”
Zinn’s expression darkened. “Let’s paint the picture… You’re saying you’d agree to get me through my heat, fuck me and stay by my side all three days, and care for me the whole time?”
“I can definitely do that.”
“And you’d honor all my wishes on my delirium day when I’m incapacitated?”
“Yes.”
“And you’d do things the way I outlined ahead of time?”
“Yes.”
“Mm.” Zinn paused, then eyed Calder directly. “And when you breed me, and penetrate my womb, and fill me up with your seed, and give me a child, you’ll walk away from your son, per the terms of the agreement?”
Calder reared back. “W-What?”
Zinn’s words, delivered so matter-of-factly, offered no mercy. “The doctor said I need to be fucked and bred—no condoms—and if this turns out to be a breeding heat and my womb opens, then the alpha I’m with will need to fuck right into it. Can’t hold back.”
A breath lodged itself deep in Calder’s throat, choking him. His stomach churned. The omega was trying to shock him with his bluntness.
He’d succeeded.
Why hadn’t Calder considered this? He had assumed Zinn would use condoms or some other method to prevent pregnancy.
“Did you want that?” Calder asked, voice shaking. “When you signed up with the service? To have a baby with someone you didn’t know?”
“No. I’m hoping this won’t be a breeding heat.”
“Okay…wow.”
Zinn released a mirthless laugh. “It’s okay, cap. At least you see the problem. Thanks for the offer, but now that you understand, we can go back to me telling you when I need time off to meet up with my grad student.”
“And this other alpha agreed to walk away from any child you make together?”
“It’s part of the contract. I got the sense that he really needs the money. I doubt it was a simple decision. The heat service also would have given him reassurance that I’m a capable omega, that I would make a good parent if I chose that path.”
Zinn would make an excellent father, channeling all his ferocity into devotion to his son. Calder’s cock hardened at the mental image of the omega rounded with child.
Could he truly allow that seed to be planted by someone else?
“I’m glad heat services have improved in recent years, but it still sounds so cold.”
“It is what it is,” Zinn said. “Not to sound trite. But that’s the truth.”
“Could the alpha have asked for parental rights in the event of pregnancy?”
“Sure. And some do. But I wouldn’t have agreed to that. When I contracted with the service, I asked specifically for a man who would surrender those rights. I can’t have that kind of connection in my life.” His voice pitched higher as he added, “I don’t want…to be tethered to an alpha.”
The unspoken again hung in the air.
Would Calder ever unravel the mystery of Zinn?
Maybe not.
But the one thing he knew was that he could not allow another alpha to service Zinn’s heat.
He’d never be able to live with the thought of some random man sticking his cock into Zinn’s ass, touching him, and bringing him pleasure.
Calder should be the one to do that. He needed to ensure that Zinn shared his heat with someone he trusted.
Or at least someone he’d known longer than five minutes.
“Zinn…?”
“Yes?”
“I agree.”
“Huh?”
“I agree to your terms. If I breed you, and you don’t want me to be part of our baby’s life, I’ll stay away.”
“Calder…are you sure?”
“To be clear, it’s not what I want. The idea of giving you my child, of a beautiful son that ties us together forever—that part doesn’t faze me. Just the opposite. I won’t want to walk away. But I will. I’ll do that for you if you ask me to.”
“But why?” Zinn’s incredulity could not mask the sheer hopefulness in his eyes. It strengthened Calder’s resolve.
He inched closer, running a hand along Zinn’s trembling thigh. Sugar maple perfumed the air.
Calder dragged his nose along the omega’s neck and whispered in his ear.
“Because the idea of being apart from any child we create is more tolerable than the thought of you giving your heat to another man. I want it to be me.”