Chapter Forty-Eight #2
Zinn sat on the couch in his and Calder’s living room, trying to keep the jolt in his gut from showing up on his face. Assa, Wes, and Valentin had just told them they were moving in together… They would exchange rings in a commitment ceremony… Valentin was changing his last name to Pashuk.
Zinn knew his shock was misplaced. By any measure, they’d moved fast, but he’d been around the three men often enough to understand their love was genuine.
Assa glanced worriedly at Zinn, clearly sensing his reaction. The beta read his moods better than Calder sometimes.
He shifted to sit next to Zinn on the couch, twining their fingers together. “I know it seems sudden, but Wes and I spent a decade being with other people before meeting Valentin. That made it easy to tell when the right one came along.”
Assa peered over to where Valentin and Wes shared the loveseat before turning back to Zinn.
“Wes has always understood my desire to love big, after growing up starved for affection. And for a long time, going to bed with other men worked. It gave me something I needed and made Wes feel like he was taking care of me. Then it stopped working, I guess. Because I’d grown as a person.
So had Wes. For me, it wasn’t worth it to be with anyone who didn’t have the same deep need for connection that I did.
From the beginning, I recognized Valentin’s ache to be loved. ”
“I get it.” Zinn knew the ache in Valentin that Assa described. There had been a time when he thought he’d be the one to fill it. In another life.
Assa squeezed Zinn’s palm. “Precious, you and I are kindred spirits, but the scars we carry are different. You had to learn to trust again, like with your alpha.” He winked at Calder.
“I had to learn that I’m worthy of love…
So did Valentin. The two of us together, with Wes to strike that match—it’s unexpected, but perfect.
So, yes, it’s fast. But it’s also right. ”
Zinn exhaled. “You’re my best friend, and while I appreciate you saying all this, you don’t owe me an explanation.” Zinn looked over at Valentin and Wes. “None of you do. Calder and I have both seen how much you love each other. I’m happy for you and wish you all the best.”
Calder brought out a strawberry cake from Felton’s to celebrate. Zinn didn’t want to be someone who begrudged his friends and ex-lover their happiness. He hated that he couldn’t totally banish the brick from his stomach.
“I’ll bake you a special cake for the commitment ceremony,” he declared, inwardly making amends.
“We’d love that.” Wes clapped him on the back. “Although I can’t imagine how you’re going to top Ryde’s birthday cake.”
The tightness in Zinn’s body eased. He excused himself to the kitchen, hoping the task of doing the dishes might force it away completely.
He’d just finished loading the plates when he heard footsteps behind him.
Valentin’s footsteps. He recognized them without looking.
They hadn’t been alone together very often since reconnecting. One of the other men, or Ryde, was usually present.
“Are you sure you’re okay with all this, Zell—Zinn?”
Zinn gripped the sink’s edge, keeping his back to Valentin. “You can call me Zeller if you want. It’s probably hard to remember.”
Valentin came up beside him, turning around to lean his back against the counter, forcing Zinn to meet his eyes.
“No. You’re right that it’s a habit, but a bad one. You’re not the same man. I want to honor the person you are now. Zinn Parker. Rolls off the tongue.”
“I’m going to change it to Rosen,” Zinn said carefully. “Before the baby comes. I told Calder I don’t want to get married, but I want us all to have the same last name.”
“Just like mine will be the same as Assa’s and Wes’s.”
“And Ryde.”
“Yes.”
“I wonder if that’s the hardest part about this. It’s crossed my mind since you three have been dating, but now you’ll be living with Ryde. You’ll get to raise our baby, like you always should have.”
Valentin smiled. “Ryde is upstairs right now in your house. And he loves his Daddy Z. You will always have a place with him. Assa and Wes are committed to that, and so am I. You never need to worry about being left out.”
Zinn wasn’t so sure of that, but he supposed only time would tell.
“If it makes you feel any better, I still spend most nights at The Cracked Heart,” Valentin continued. “They’re not quite ready to function without me. So even if we are living in the same house, you’re probably spending as much time with Ryde as I am. If not more.”
Zinn pursed his lips. “That doesn’t make me feel better. Assa worries about how hard you work.”
“At least I don’t have Bergam to deal with anymore.”
“The Low Court case wrapped up?”
“Yep. He’ll be locked up for close to a year.”
Relief swept over Zinn. When he had learned that Valentin was being threatened by the previous club owner’s son, he’d been concerned.
During one of the first conversations he’d had with Asher, his brother made the guy sound like a genuine threat.
But Bergam had gotten picked up for petty theft just after Ryde’s real birthday, enabling Valentin to rest easy for a while.
“I hope you know you can always talk to me…about anything.” Valentin spoke cautiously, as though his words might be unwelcome. “I know you’re close with Assa, and maybe it would be weird…but you can.”
“I appreciate that—” Zinn flinched, gripping the sink edge again.
“Zinn?”
He’d just felt the baby kick.
Nine years ago, when he’d reveled in those first tiny flutters, all he’d wanted was for Valentin to be there to share the miracle. Now Valentin stood in front of him.
But the life inside him wasn’t the one they’d made together.
“Are you alright?”
“Fine,” Zinn stammered. “It’s just the, uh…the baby…is…moving around.”
Valentin’s eyes dropped to the roundness of Zinn’s belly. His face looked stricken. But just for a moment.
Then his cheeks lifted.
“What?” Zinn asked.
“Honestly?”
“I think we’d better stick with the truth from now on.”
Valentin laughed mutedly. “My first instinct is to be sad that I didn’t experience this with you when it was Ryde. But there’s a bigger part of me that is grateful I can be here this time. That I finally get the chance to see you this way.”
“Even though it’s not your baby?” Zinn asked softly.
“I hate that I wasn’t there back then. I don’t think I can articulate how much I hate it.
But I’m here now. And even if it’s not the same, I still thank the stars for it.
It helps me imagine what I missed.” Valentin held Zinn’s gaze.
“When I was in prison, I used to picture you in my mind. What you’d look like round, carrying my child.
And now I get to see firsthand. And I wasn’t wrong.
You’re so beautiful, you’re glowing. You’ve always been the most beautiful omega in the world. ”
Zinn had never expected to hear such things from Valentin again.
But they’d decided to stick with the truth.
And the truth was that there was still love between them. It had evolved, but it was there.
Most alphas in Valentin’s situation would be bitter about discovering the omega they loved had moved on, even if they understood how it had happened. But Valentin simply did not think the way most alphas did. He never had.
Zinn remembered the nineteen-year-old alpha Zeller Parkenson had fallen in love with, the man who had instantly seen all the things Zeller could offer the world.
When Zeller found the strength to leave Warburton Province, he did so as the bright zinnia Valentin had always told him he was. The stalwart, perennial, strong zinnia.
By the time he arrived in Bellwether Province, he was Valentin’s Zinn.
“Can I—?” Valentin asked quietly, hovering his hand between them.
Zinn blinked. Valentin wanted to touch him, to feel Calder’s baby growing inside his body.
“Y-yes.”
Valentin placed a gentle palm on Zinn’s slightly protruding belly.
The baby kicked.
Valentin looked up in awe, and Zinn couldn’t stop himself from whisper-asking, “You’re sure it doesn’t bother you that he’s not yours?”
“No.”
“Truly?”
“The only thing that matters is that he’s yours.”
A tear slipped down Zinn’s cheek. “You mean that.” A statement, not a question.
“Of course. You’re my omega. I’ll never have another.
” Valentin rubbed slow circles over his shirt.
“And I’m not out of bounds telling you this, since I’ve explained it to Assa and Wes.
We might be on a different path than before, but I’ll always be there for you.
I hate how everything went down with your parents, but I don’t blame you for not stopping your life to wait for me.
I see that you’re happy. And it makes me happy. ”
“And also a little sad?”
“That too.”
“Then we’re even,” Zinn said, placing his hand over Valentin’s as the baby practiced kickboxing maneuvers. “I’m happy for you being with Wes and Assa, but a little sad too, even if I can’t explain it. And not just because you’ll live in Ryde’s house.”
“We’ll figure it out. I’m excited to make a life with them, a family.” He tipped Zinn’s chin up. “And you have Calder, whom I like and respect tremendously. But even with that, what I said stands. I will always be there for you…and this baby.”
From the den, Wes loudly teased Calder. They had turned the game on and were rooting for different teams. Assa admonished them for cheering loud enough to wake Ryde.
Valentin and Zinn grinned at their men’s antics.
The pit Zinn had in his stomach earlier faded to nothing. Only the sweet taps of his baby boy kicking remained.