Chapter 13
Hudson
“Ijust don’t think you’ve really thought all this through,” Ella says. It’s probably the fifth time she’s said it since we started packing.
After breakfast with Amy, I texted Ella to see what time she could meet me at my apartment.
Apparently, the guards were told to take me whenever I was ready.
Since there wasn’t a whole lot else for me to do in the house, I decided to head out and pack up what I wanted to have with me for the next few months to a year.
Or longer.
“I’m following my gut for once. My brain and heart don’t make the best decisions.”
She chuckles as she pulls a shirt from my closet and tosses it into a donation box without consulting me.
“Hey,” I whine, jabbing a finger toward the box when she frowns back at me.
“Oh, whatever. Trust me when I say that shirt does you no favors. It’s hideous and makes you look washed out.”
My mouth pops open and my eyes go wide. “I’ve worn it to the clubs dozens of times. You couldn’t have said something sooner?”
“Alphas aren’t looking at your shirt, Hud. But those of us with an iota of style…that’s a whole other story.”
Ella might actually be more obsessed with clothing and designer labels than I am, although she appreciates the quality over the fact they carry a high price tag and some form of prestige in society.
“Fine,” I say, going back to loading up a box with a few trinkets and pictures of Ella and me. I’ve already grabbed my must haves from my nest and tucked them into one of the duffel bags I emptied back at the mansion.
She tosses a few more items into the donation box and I give up fighting her on it. Hate to admit it but she probably knows best when it comes to style.
“Not like you’re not getting a new wardrobe. But you’re taking me with you this time. No more hideous clothes.”
“My clothes are not hideous. Stop insulting my style because you’re crabby.”
“It’s just so confusing to me how you’ve found a pack who wants to spoil you and breed you when you’ve been so against packing up for so long while I –” Ella cuts herself off and my heart suddenly hurts for her.
She actually wants a pack. She wants a big pack full of virile alphas who can give her a bunch of little Ella look-alikes. She wants to be spoiled and wants kids she can then spoil in turn.
“You’re young, El. Stop acting like you’re some kind of spinster.”
We’re both young. It’s not uncommon for omegas to finish school and get a career before allowing a pack to bond them.
Hell, some even refuse to be permanently bound, simply opting for marriage instead of something that will tie them together for the rest of their lives and will cause true physical and emotional agony if one of the pack members opts to sever the bond.
She slams a pair of slacks onto the open suitcase and flops back onto my bed, bouncing once before settling.
“I know. I’m just riding the stupid rollercoaster.”
You know that thing when people talk about cycles syncing? That’s us. It would have been so much easier through the years if one of us could have been coherent and rational through each other’s cycles, but we tend to overlap.
“The pack said you can come over any time you want. I can ask if they’ll help you through your heat, too,” I offer, though that stupid green fog that is seriously starting to piss me off slithers through my gut and straight to my veins.
“Uh, no thank you. That’s kind of…weird. I’m not sharing dicks and knots with my best friend.”
“Hey, they do it in porn all the time.”
She huffs a surprised laugh and tosses a pillow at my head.
I hadn’t really planned to do a closet clean out while I was packing, but as usual, my best friend does whatever she wants when she wants.
At least there’s only one donation box with clothes and shoes in it. I’m sure if she had the choice, she would get rid of anything that was made with a specific stitch or whatever it is that causes her to purchase specific brands.
“You are still coming over, right?” I ask her as we start hefting suitcases, duffel bags, and garment bags into the living room where the guard is waiting to load things down to the SUV.
“Said I would. Besides, I want to meet these guys, make sure they’re good guys.”
My mood immediately sours as I head back into my room to grab the small box containing the remaining toiletries and photos of Ella and me.
“That won’t be happening today,” I call out.
Her steps are soft as she enters behind me and leans against the doorframe. “Because?”
“Because they work a lot.” I try really hard to keep my expression neutral, but there is literally nothing I can do about the change in my scent.
“Have you told them you want to spend more time with them?”
I force a smile and pass her, nudging her playfully with my shoulder. “It’s been two days. Too soon to start missing them. It’s just a business arrangement.” Before she can throw out some comment, I add, “One you can benefit from as well, by the way.”
She hefts the strap of one of the duffel bags over her shoulder and follows me through the apartment door. The guard can grab the last two suitcases before I lock up.
“And how, exactly, would I benefit from you getting knocked up by alphas you know next to nothing about and aren’t even yours?”
“Did you miss the part of how much money they’re paying me? I can pay off your student loans. Even buy you a new car.”
“What the hell is wrong with my car?” she says as she tosses the duffel into the hatchback and waits as I settle the box beside it.
The guard is coming back with the last two suitcases, but I still need to go lock up before we can leave.
“Other than the fact it’s over twenty years old, the paint is fading, and that check engine light has become a permanent fixture?”
I’m not even a car guy, but even I’ll be the first to say my girl needs to upgrade.
“Whatever. I’ll follow you guys,” she says, pulling her keys from inside her purse and swinging them around on her finger with a snarky grin.
She can be as stubborn as she wants. I think with the first payment deposited into my account I’m definitely buying Ella a new car.
Ella helped me put away my belongings, then stood outside my nest peering inside.
“You are going to change it up, aren’t you?”
We haven’t been inside each other’s nests, but not like we haven’t seen inside. And Ella knows me better than any single person on this planet.
“Planning on it, I just don’t know exactly what’s unsettling me.”
She turns a frown on me. “You’re feeling unsettled? About the situation or the nest?”
“Okay, you sounded way too hopeful with those questions. The nest, asshole. Something isn’t quite right in here,” I say as I stand in the center of the closed in space and turn in a circle.
The answer hits me square in the chest, but I decide to keep it to myself.
It smells…empty. Your nest should smell like safety. Comfort. Home.
This one doesn’t. Not yet.
“It’ll be fine once I arrange my blankets and pillows the way I like,” I say dismissively, turning off the dim light and stepping out before pulling the door shut behind me.
Last thing I need is another omega’s scent permeating the space so close to my heat.
I’m actually surprised Ella is able to be in my room if she’s riding the preheat emotional rollercoaster, though it’s not like she’s wallowing face first on my bed.
“You hungry or anything?” I ask her as we settle in the sitting room.
“You going to ring a bell and have the servants bring you something?”
“Ha. Ha. Actually, there is this really cool beta who makes some killer breakfast, but I don’t know if she makes any of the other meals yet. I just know she lives in a guest house out back somewhere and is their full-time housekeeper.”
“For fuck’s sake. What kind of lawyers are they?” she blurts out, turning wide eyes to me.
Same question I had when I saw the house and learned how much they were willing to invest in me simply for trying to get pregnant.
My face gets a little warm as I shrug then pick up the remote to find something for the two of us to binge. Fun thing about Ella as a best friend is she doesn’t require every moment to be filled with chatter. She’s just as content watching movies or binging seasons of one of our favorite shows.
“I actually don’t know yet.”
She turns her upper half to look at me. It’s actually almost more of a flop with the way she whips around so quickly, shaking the couch below me.
“Let me get this straight – you don’t know what kind of law they practice, you’ve known them for all of two days, yet you’ve agreed to move in here, fuck them nonstop until you get pregnant, then what? Simply hand the baby over with a wave thrown over your shoulder?”
I know she’s looking out for me. I know she only wants the best for me. Doesn’t mean her words don’t cut like a fucking razor.
I don’t want a pack. I never wanted a pack. Never needed one.
But now, the thought of walking away after giving them a piece of myself feels like I’d be walking away from myself, too. They’re not mine. I’m not theirs. Not really.
So why do I feel like something’s missing every time they leave the room? Like a hole has developed in my heart?
And that hole is alpha shaped.
I’m so fucked.