Chapter 35
Hudson
The water turned to lukewarm about an hour ago, but I can’t make myself step out of the tub. Even with Desmond running his fingers through my wet hair.
He can argue with me all he wants, but I heard them. Yes, he and Alex were pro Hudson joining Pack Anders.
But that’s two to one. Meaning not all three are on board. I will not be the reason those three splinter apart. They’ve been in love for almost as long as I’ve been alive.
Okay, yeah. That’s a bit of a stretch. But I mean, I was a child when they met in law school. I was in elementary school or possibly middle school when they fell in love and became a pack.
Des glances at the tub. The bubbles have almost completely faded.
He dips a finger into the water then frowns at me. “The water is freezing. What are you doing? You need to get out and warm up.”
“It’s not freezing. You’re being dramatic.” But I do let him help me out of the tub. He rubs at my skin with a terry cloth towel then wraps it around my waist.
I stop him when he attempts to lift me into his arms as though he’ll carry me into my bedroom bridal style.
The last thing I need to do is get used to being treated like…well, like his fucking omega. I’ll get addicted to the feeling of safety, to his touch, then he’ll return to work and leave me alone again. Or, you know, after I give birth, I’ll be on my own again.
It’s best if I just return to the life I had before I knew these three alphas existed. Minus the sleeping around thing.
Des is watching me closely as I pull a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from a drawer. He does turn his back, though, when I drop the towel into the hamper and start to pull my clothes into place.
“Seriously? You’ve seen me naked. You’ve fucked me. You don’t need to give me your back,” I tease him.
It might be the first time today my smile doesn’t feel forced.
His cheeks are pink as he turns back and shrugs. “I wasn’t sure…I didn’t want to assume anything.”
“Why are you here?” I finally ask after a few awkward moments of silence.
“Kane said you were still here. And I didn’t like the idea of him being in your room.”
A sense of joy mixed with a touch of anger at his words swells in my chest. “Why would it matter if the guard was in my room or not?”
“Because you’re a bonded omega. He’s an unbonded alpha.”
My frown only deepens. “I might carry marks, but I don’t think it qualifies as being bonded, Des. Your pack lead would probably rush me to the doctor today if he could dissolve the bond without endangering the baby.”
His mouth opens then closes and I can feel his sadness through that invisible thread in my chest. He can’t deny it. I heard the words straight from Mason’s mouth.
“You all three gave me the choice of staying in my home after I became pregnant. I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if I stay here while you three…live your life. Or whatever.” Great. Super articulate there, Hudson.
“You are our life,” he says, his brows pinched together while sadness fills his warm brown eyes and his chocolate hazelnut scent smells burned. Bitter.
“No. I’m not. I’m carrying your future. I’m carrying your dream. And that’s fine. I knew exactly what I was signing up for, Des. You guys don’t have to pretend.” The words taste bad on my tongue, but they need to be said.
Not just for him, but for me. I feel as though I’m trying to convince myself as much as I’m trying to explain to Desmond I not only understand where I stand in their pack, but that I’m a temporary fixture in their life.
“Where’s Kane?” I ask, craning my neck as though I can see through my closed bedroom door.
A rush of anger and what sure as hell feels like jealousy rushes through the bond. Even muted, the sensation is strong. “Why?”
That one word is wrapped with a deep, guttural growl that fills the room and sends the fine hairs on my arms standing on end.
I huff a humorless laugh. “I didn’t know if you finally let him leave. He’s been here for hours. I told him I was fine here. The building is secure. But he said he’s to stay here until he hears otherwise from one of you three.”
“Oh,” Desmond says, a sheepish look crossing over his face.
“Yeah. Oh. You guys did say you wanted security with me, but I really don’t think that’s necessary while I’m home.
If you’re that worried, I can arrange any trips I take be with you or your guys and they can either ride with me or drive me.
Not that I tend to go out much. Especially now since I can’t drink for the next nine months. ”
I meant the last part to be a tease, but I can’t so much as conjure a smile as I stare into his sad eyes.
He’s the only alpha of the three who hasn’t left his mark on me, yet I can feel him, feel his yearning, feel his despair over me staying in my apartment instead of their house.
But really, why does it matter where I stay? Other than the weekends, we hardly spend any time together. They leave while I’m sleeping. They get home while I’m sleeping. And I sure as hell won’t stay up all day and night with the hopes of getting a glimpse of them.
At least they’d started sleeping in the pack bed, so if I happened to wake in the middle of the night I was surrounded by their strong, warm bodies. And the bed and room were always saturated with their scents and pheromones.
The longer we stand here staring at each other, the more I realize he’s no longer arguing about whether or not Mason or Alex regret marking me. He’s no longer arguing with me about whether or not I’m supposed to be bonded, supposed to be his pack’s omega.
And my heart shatters just a little more.
That is exactly why I need to stay home. Why I need my space. I’ll ensure I take care of myself so their child – and that’s the way I’ll force myself to see the little one I’m carrying – is healthy. I’ll allow them to send their guards to watch over me when I leave.
But I refuse to put my heart on a platter simply for them to crush. It’s better if I start pulling away now before I’m in too deep.
Though that very well might be too late.
Even now, staring into Desmond’s beautiful chocolatey brown eyes, I feel as though the air has been stolen from my lungs and my heart is being squeezed in his big fist.
When he moves forward, his hand raising to cup my cheek, I don’t fight the urge to nuzzle my face against his warm palm. I’m beyond touch-starved, even after spending the day with Ella.
It’s simply not the same. Snuggling my best friend isn’t the same as sucking up the pheromones from my alphas.
And fuck…I can’t stop thinking of them as mine. For now, I carry their marks. For now, they are mine.
“I don’t want…” Des trails off, his gaze bouncing between mine as my heart races.
“You don’t want…what?” I whisper after a few moments pass of him not finishing his sentence.
Instead of answering, he slowly lowers his face to mine as though waiting for me to stop him. Where Alex is a big ol’ flirt and simply gives pleasure without waiting and Mason was damn near a Dom during my heat, Des is so gentle, so patient.
He’s literally waiting for me to close the space, waiting for my consent to kiss me after spending a week locked in my nest.
And locked inside me.
Wrapping my hand around the back of his neck, I rise onto my tiptoes the same time I pull his face down to mine, sighing when our lips touch.
He might be gentle, but he’s so passionate as the tip of his tongue teases the seam of my lips.
I open for him without hesitation, wrapping my other arm around his neck as he hooks his hands behind my thighs and lifts as though I weigh nothing. I instantly lock my feet around his back, and his hardness pressing against my own sends the most delicious sensations tingling through my system.
There is nothing I want more right now than to have us both naked, to be under this beautifully sweet alpha as he makes love to me. I want to soak up his pheromones, to be smothered in them.
Simply having his lips on mine and his arms around me settles something in my chest.
And then he’ll leave. He’ll go back to his house. He’ll go back to his pack.
It doesn’t matter if I go back with him.
It doesn’t matter if I go to bed with all three of them.
Life with them feels as though it’ll be rinse and repeat until the child is born.
I’ll see them for a limited number of hours on the weekend and that’s it, all the while knowing I’m simply falling harder for each of them.
And knowing it’ll be one of those stupid unrequited love stories.
I’m not saying they don’t care about me; they’ve proven they do. Just not in the way I want. Not in the way I need.
I don’t know what I think will happen or what I think this will accomplish, but I gyrate my hips, rubbing my hard shaft along his until a satisfied moan vibrates from his chest.
“Bed,” I mutter against his lips.
Des pulls back enough to look into my eyes. His pupils are blown, but not so much I can’t see the ring of warm, soulful brown of his irises.
I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to be with any of the alphas in such an intimate fashion will be. And Desmond and I have had zero time alone together.
If this is all I’ll get over the next few months, I plan to enjoy however long I have before he heads home to his mates.
“I’m sure,” I say, answering his silent question before pressing my lips to his while sliding my hand down his chest, his abs, to cup his hard as stone dick over his slacks.