Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
MIA
Today is the day. Like, the day. Our first show set at Knotty Tour, our biggest debut as a band with a fully original set list.
We pulled into the tour bus lot late last night and didn’t have time or desire much to mingle with the other bands. Aiden is understandably not wanting to risk a run-in with anyone from Designation Outsider this early on. How they even got a replacement lead singer and guitarist while Knotty Tour is ongoing is anyone’s guess. They’re also joining the tour at about the same time. I saw online people were wondering if Aiden was going to play with them as well as Exit Fate.
Sorry to disappoint , I think as I do one last check in the only full-length mirror on our tour bus. I’m wearing black shorts and an Exit Fate band t-shirt we printed on our own. Wes managed to get a limited run very, very quickly of merch for our merch tent, to be manned by someone Wes hired last minute. That merch mainly consisted of this exact t-shirt, a muscle tank-top, and some stickers.
It’s meager in comparison to what even the smallest of the other bands has to offer, but at least it’s something. Wes is doing his best, so we have to meet him and do our portion, too.
Which means stepping out in front of the largest crowd I’ve ever played and presenting up to 15,000 people our new, as yet unheard music.
The guys pile into and out of the shower one by one. Eventually we make our way out of the tour bus and across the parking lot to the venue itself. This stop is set for the weekend at a site that has a large amphitheater that’s partially covered with a huge lawn seat area, but scattered across the rest of the grounds and a larger parking lot are three other stages.
The amphitheater stage is the largest, but we won’t be playing there. Instead, they’ve set Exit Fate up on one of the medium stages out in the blaring-hot sun. We head there through the backstage space, out of sight of the crowd which we can hear over the high fence separating us. Our road crew has already transported our gear over first thing this morning, so there’s nothing for us to do but hang out backstage until 3 p.m.
Other bands pass in and out of the space, but not Designation Outsider. Still, plenty of those musicians clearly know Leo and Aiden, who introduce us to them in turn. Everyone’s so nice and chill, the atmosphere not unlike that of the party Noah brought us to.
I hate it—sort of. It makes me feel like I’m the only one stressing out about performing in front of such a large crowd. Which, yeah, I suppose after a few weeks into the tour, even the smallest and newest bands are now used to the crowds. But even Noah’s not outwardly worrying about it.
I spotted the open alcohol fridge backstage the second we got here. It’s been staring me down for the last few hours. While Leo and Aiden introduce some other Knotty Tour veterans to Noah and the group delve into conversation, I take my chance to make my way toward the fridge. It’s mostly stocked with beer, which I avoid, and find instead a set of chilled, single-serving bottles of white wine. It strikes me as an odd choice for this sort of thing, but I’m grateful for the option instead of beer.
I drink two, tossing the evidence quickly into nearby trash bins, before Noah appears beside me.
“Nervous too, then?” he asks.
I jump a little and press a hand against my chest. “Me? No.” A pause. “Well, yes. Very.”
He chuckles and then grabs a beer for himself. “I keep wanting to go find my guitar and practice, but I know it’s futile at this point.”
My brow creases. “You know these songs inside out.”
“Exactly,” he says with a tip of his beer bottle. “And so do you. We’ll do great.”
I point past the backstage area to the stage. “That crowd is massive. It’d almost be better, I think, to be on the amphitheater stage because at least then everyone’s not packed right in.”
As it’s set up right now, we’re on a medium stage with an audience space that merges in and around merch tents. We’ll be visible from all over this area.
Noah moves in closer. A low, purring vibration sounds in this throat. I lean against him, falling into the comfort he’s trying to provide. “I understand where you’re coming from. This is my largest crowd, too. But if we focus on the music and the first few rows of fans, we’ll be just fine.” Then he laughs dryly. “Besides, who knows. Maybe we walk out on stage and only like a hundred people are watching, and everyone’s moved over to the other stage.”
I bark a tipsy laugh. The wine’s hitting me hard. My veins buzz. “I hope not. Wes might faint if that happens.”
“Two weeks wasn’t a lot of time to build us up.”
“No,” I admit, although I certainly tried. A few live streams, a lot of videos. I worked with the social media manager Wes hired as much as possible. “At this point, the best thing we can do for Exit Fate is perform. We’re right where we need to be.”
“Even if it’s terrifying.”
I clink an imaginary drink against Noah’s beer bottle. “Exactly.”
Aiden appears with Leo at his side. Since the backstage area is outdoors, Leo’s more relaxed about the crowd, but he huddles close to us now.
Leo checks his watch. “Nearly time. We should get ready.”
“Everyone’s all set?” Aiden asks, although he’s got quite the note of nerves in his own tone.
“Are you?” I ask. I never had the pleasure of a VIP backstage pass to a Designation Outsider tour, but I’ve never seen or heard word of Aiden being nervous. At Sound House, it made sense, as our first showing out. And yes, a fully original set-list is a good reason to be nervous. But this feels different.
Aiden shakes out his arms. “You know, I don’t usually get full-blown stage fright, but I think I may be heading there.”
Well, shit. I shoot a glance to Noah who also knows we’re now three for four on pre-show nerves, then meet Aiden’s gaze. I swallow my own worry because if Aiden Paltier is nervous as fuck then I either have every valid reason to also be or I need to deal with it.
I choose to deal with it. Or maybe that’s the wine making my anxiety slowly dissipate. “We’re going to nail this.”
Noah makes a face. I want to shoo him away.
Aiden nods then runs a hand roughly through his hair. “I know. It’s—it’s less actual stage fright, I guess, and more…”
“Are you worried because this is your first Knotty Tour not with Designation Outsider?” I ask. It’s a layered question, I’m aware.
Aiden’s jaw works a little. “I just want to make sure I do the best for you all that I can.”
Leo claps him on the back. “You already are, and you’re not the only person in this band. We’ll do well together .”
I may be reading into it, but I wonder if Aiden fears Wes will remove him from Exit Fate like his previous manager did, or if we’ll kick him out of the pack as his previous pack did. But all of the people involved in those decisions were assholes and Aiden’s not had any trouble with his voice or neck in weeks.
It won’t happen here.
A stagehand hurries over to us. “Time to go.”
Noah waves them an affirmative, but no one moves until Aiden finally relents. “Right. We’re good.” He looks to each of us in turn. “Let’s nail this.”
We each bump fists and follow the stagehand to the stage. Our guitars are stored in a rack on the way, so we grab them and Leo pulls his drumsticks out of the cargo pocket of his shorts. There’s a quick, pre-recorded announcement of our band’s intro for Knotty Tour that plays, and then we’re ushered on stage.
I nearly freeze at the size of the crowd. I knew the max size, had joked with Noah about the smallest we’d attract. But it certainly feels as if all of Knotty Tour is right here, right now, watching us.
Leo counts us in right away and then Aiden strums the first notes of For the Night. The crowd cheers—but notably not as much as they did for the previous band. It soothes my tense nerves and loosens me up for the entire set-list.
But by the time we hit the band’s version of Dreaming Late which is still part of our list as it’s an original from me, the crowd begins dispersing.
I hear booing.
I try to pay it no mind. I know it’s probably just a small but very vocal group of people. But it gets harder to ignore as the set goes on—and as the wine fully hits. Fuck, I should not have drunk beforehand.
I meet my alphas’ dark gazes. They’ve heard the booing too.
We power through the rest of the set. Cheers erupt after each song and swallow the dissenters’ complaints, but it’s not until we’re off the stage and I find a moment to dive into my social media feeds that I understand.
People are upset that Aiden’s joined a new band right away, but that’s to be expected.
It’s the assumption that the guys are stealing my songs and that I’ve let them that’s surprising. And the straight up comments saying my viral fame last month with Dreaming Late is why Leo and Aiden joined me because their careers were tanking fast. Neither is true.
But one thing becomes clear: This is the last time we’re performing Dreaming Late.
After all our wins, everything about today’s Knotty Tour show stings so harshly, the four of us can barely look each other in the eye. And for the first time since we’ve started Exit Fate, neither Aiden nor Leo have advice on the matter.