Chapter Sixteen
Oaklynn
L AST NIGHT WAS rough . Amanda didn’t sleep more than maybe two hours all night long and I had a hard time getting her to calm down when she was awake. While Omen was here with me as he is most nights, I let him sleep because I know the build he’s working on for the fire department is important and he needs to be fully awake and alert while building the bike. He did get up with me a few times, but for the most part I let him sleep. I walked the cottage with Amanda in my arms, sang to her, and did everything I could think of to get our little girl to stop crying. Just after Omen left, I finally figured out what Amanda’s problem was. She was full of gas despite me burping her and it finally worked its way out of her little body. When she finally stopped crying and I was able to get her to sleep, I laid down on the floor next to the crib and closed my eyes. Still, I didn’t manage to sleep because I was worried she’d wake up and I wouldn’t hear her because I was so exhausted.
Once again, Omen woke up last night to me crying. I’d been up with Amanda for four hours straight with her whimpering and crying. My exhaustion was too much for me at that point and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. So, he walked in the nursery to me crying my eyes out. He immediately took Amanda from me and held me close to him with one arm wrapped around my body. I cried until I had no more tears left to get rid of before he ushered me into my bedroom and put me to bed. I didn’t sleep, preferring to listen to him take care of Amanda. After an hour, I took her back from him and told him to go back to bed because one of us needed to get some sleep and I didn’t have to be to work early the next morning. Or, I should say, early that day. Omen fought me on it, but in the end I won and he went to bed while I remained up with our little girl.
Today, I’m dragging ass as I sit on the couch with Amanda in her bassinet right next to me. I’m in desperate need of a shower and sleep but I won’t be getting any of that until Omen shows up after work. I don’t think Melissa or Marie are showing up today because neither one of them have called me. They usually at least send a message when they wake up if they plan on coming over to see the baby and me. To say I’m surprised when a knock sounds on the door of the cottage would be an understatement. I jump off the couch and check on Amanda to ensure she’s still sleeping before making my way over to see who’s here. Looking through the peephole in the door, I find Marie standing there with a smile on her face. I swear this woman doesn’t ever show up when she’s not smiling.
Opening the door, I greet Omen’s mom. “Marie, it’s good to see you. I didn’t think you were coming over today.”
“I wasn’t planning on coming over until later, but Omen called me. He said you were up all night with Amanda and would need a nap today. So, here I am,” she tells me as I step back and make room for her to enter the cottage. “Is she okay now?”
“She is. She had a gas bubble and finally got rid of it just after he left to go to the shop. Amanda just went to sleep,” I answer her as we make our way to the living room where I have the bassinet set up.
“Good. Now it’s time for you to go to bed. I know you’re gonna wanna take a shower or do a million other things. Oaklynn, you look like shit and I can see how exhausted you are. Go to bed. I’ll take care of Amanda. If I can’t get her to eat, Rooster will come over to help me. Do you have milk in the fridge?” she asks me, looking down at her granddaughter as I stand next to her with tears in my eyes.
“Yeah. I’ve got a bottle ready for her. Thank you, Marie,” I tell her, not even bothering to try to put up a fight because I’m that exhausted right now and know I need to sleep or I won’t be able to take care of my daughter when Marie leaves.
“We’re family, Oaklynn. You don’t ever have to thank me for helping you when you need it. Omen would be here but you know he’s in the middle of that build. He wasn’t about to leave you alone though,” she tells me, sitting on the couch and picking up the remote to turn on the TV while keeping the volume low so it doesn’t wake Amanda up.
With a smile on my face, I head for my bedroom. I don’t change my clothes or anything before I collapse on the mattress and pull the blankets up to my chin. I’m asleep the second my head hits the pillow and I dream of the future I want to have with Omen and Amanda at my side.
***
W aking up, I jolt up in bed and look around completely disoriented for a minute. I don’t hear anything in the cottage as I jump out of bed and head for the nursery. Amanda isn’t in her crib as I rush to the living room, barely remembering Marie showed up after getting a call from Omen about last night. I find her holding Amanda in her arms with the bottle on the table in front of her. She’s burping my girl as I take a deep breath and move to sit next to her on the couch.
“How was she?” I ask Marie, smiling down at my girl as her little eyes start to flutter closed in sleep.
“She’s been a perfect angel. Just ate again and I got her to burp a few times. Now she’s going back to sleep. Didn’t even have to call Rooster over to feed her and he hates it,” she says, laughing a little because Rooster does value his time with Amanda and has been visiting more often every week we’re home. “How did you sleep?”
“I slept hard. It was the best sleep I’ve had since having Amanda if I’m being honest. Thank you, Marie,” I answer her, putting my hand up when she goes to respond. “I know you said not to thank you, but I need to. You don’t have to come over here for me to take naps or whatever and you do. You’ve got a job and have been cutting out early to come help me with Amanda. I appreciate it more than you know.”
“Again, it’s what family does for one another, Sweetheart. Plus, I get to spend time with this little angel since I know you’re not ready to take her out in public yet. I don’t blame you at all with all the germs and idiots in this town. Even at the clubhouse there are too many people who could be sick and give this sweet little baby something. I’d rather come here until she’s older and has a better immune system to deal with the colds and flus out there,” Marie tells me as she stands and lays Amanda down in her bassinet. “Now, you just rest there on the couch while I clean up the kitchen and start dinner. I know Omen will be here after work and he plans on leaving early today.”
Instead of remaining on the couch, I follow Marie to the kitchen. Thanks to the open floor plan of the cottage, I can still see and hear Amanda. Taking a seat at the island, I watch as Marie washes the few dishes in the sink while pulling out what she needs to make dinner for Omen and me. I simply don’t have the energy to deal with preparing something today. It even feels like it’s too much to pull out one of the frozen meals I made before having Amanda.
“Can I ask you a question?” I suddenly ask Marie as she stands across from me at the island.
“Of course.”
“What was Omen like when he was younger? He’s been telling me a little about growing up in the clubhouse and with you when he’s here,” I ask her, not sure how much she’ll tell me about the situation.
“Omen was always older than his years, Oaklynn. Since Rooster was gone most of the time, Kellan stepped up and tried to be the man of the house. He took on so much from a young age and no matter what Rooster and I said, we couldn’t get him to stop. Taking care of me became his top priority when he wasn’t at school or football practice. Most of the time, I had to force him to go to practice because he wanted to be with me. Rooster tried to be home more than he was, but the club wasn’t like it is now back then. There were constant fights breaking out and most of the members were into hardcore drugs. Police showed up on a regular basis and someone needed to have a clear head and take control of the situation.
“Rooster took most of the runs because he couldn’t trust the rest of the members to do their job and not steal from the club. When he did manage to make it home, Omen tried to be a little boy, but he couldn’t turn off his need to be the man of the house. Rooster saw it immediately and tried to talk to him about it, but nothing worked. It didn’t help that he saw me crying almost daily because I missed my husband and felt like a single mom despite being married. Rooster was home maybe a day a week in total,” Marie informs me, tears filling her eyes as she remembers those days.
“When did he decide he didn’t want an ol’ lady or kids?” I question her, needing answers he probably won’t give me even though he’s been opening up to me more lately.
“By the time he was ten. I remember the day he made the decision like it was yesterday,” Marie answers, a smile on her face as she lets herself remember the memory. “Omen came to me in the kitchen as I was making dinner. He’d already done the little bit of homework he had and it was after football season. He sat at the table and watched me move around the kitchen before telling me he loved me. I told him I loved him too and that’s when he made his announcement. He told me he’d never make a girl cry the way his dad made me cry. That he didn’t want to have kids because of everything he was already doing around the house. By the time he was ten, Kellan was already helping me clean, doing small repairs, completing his homework, and doing everything I asked him to help me with.
“Other than football and school, Omen was never away from the compound or house because he wanted to be with me. He had a ton of friends and if they couldn’t come over to our house, they didn’t hang out outside of school. There were other kids in the club he hung out with so he could stay close to me in case I needed him for something. He told me he was gonna join the club and because of that, he wasn’t about to let himself have kids because he didn’t want them growing up the way he was. Not that he didn’t love our life or that he hated being around the club. Omen already knew he was older than his years and not like a regular ten year old boy. Swore he’d never put a child in that position to feel unloved by his dad and as if he didn’t matter the way a dad should love his son or daughter,” Marie says, her voice wavering with the emotion coursing through her. I can’t even begin to imagine how she’s feeling because it’s breaking my heart.
“He told me a little bit of that a few nights ago when we were talking. I’m not sure if he’s changed his mind, but I know he’s here every night with Amanda. He even tried to get up with me last night but I made him go to bed after an hour. I know this build is a big deal to him and he needed to be rested to get it done. He’s so damn excited about it and wants it to be perfect,” I tell her as she smiles at me because we both know it’s the truth.
“I love that he’s been here every day with the two of you. While I hoped he’d step up and be there for you and the baby, he’s definitely exceeding my expectations. Kellan’s a good man, Oaklynn. I know he loves spending time here with you and Amanda. He talks about the two of you to anyone who will listen. And the pictures he has on his phone of the baby are always shown. If you look at his lock screen, it’s a picture of the two of you sleeping on the couch. I’ve caught him staring at it more times than I can count,” Marie informs me even though I know of the picture on his phone.
“I love having him here. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up when it comes to the two of us. I keep telling myself he’s only here for Amanda so he can spend time with her. We’ve agreed we need to talk, but it hasn’t happened yet. So, for now, I’m just taking things a day at a time and letting things happen as they do,” I say, standing up when I hear Amanda starting to whimper in the bassinet.
Walking over, I don’t bend down to pick her up because she might not be waking up right now. After stretching her little body, she settles back down and I adjust the blanket on her little body before moving back to the island. Marie and I continue talking about things as my mind gets locked on Omen and the talk we need to have. I want to know what’s going on between the two of us so there’s no doubt left between the two of us. I’d prefer to know if he was only coming around for Amanda and being nice to me because of her than for any other reason.
Marie makes us steaks with roasted potatoes and asparagus she’s grilled on top of the stove with some pan I didn’t even know I had. I watch everything she does because I do know how to cook, but I’m always ready to learn new ways to prepare food. Especially if this is a meal Omen likes to eat. I’ve prepared a few things before I had Amanda because I knew they were things he liked to eat. That’s what I’ve pulled out a few times when I know he’ll be here for dinner.
By the time Marie’s done cooking our dinner, Omen is walking through the front door. He’s got a key in case I’m busy with Amanda. He stops at the bassinet and looks down at her before heading toward my bedroom. Omen won’t touch her until he’s had a shower and changed his clothes after being in the shop all day long. He’s worn coveralls since I had her, but he refuses to risk anything hurting our daughter. Rooster is honestly the same way. He showers and changes after being at the garage before coming over here. Marie was laughing about it when she told me he’s become obsessed with cleaning and making sure he’s not dirty from work before seeing Amanda. Marie simply smiles in response to her son showering and changing before she grabs her purse, blows a kiss to Amanda so she doesn’t wake her up, and leaves the house.
I set the table with our plates, drinks, and silverware before Omen makes his way back out to me. He presses a kiss on top of my head before asking if I was able to get a nap while his mom was here. We enjoy our dinner together before Amanda wakes up and he quickly walks over to lift her into his arms. After she had a bottle with Marie earlier, I need to breastfeed her this time. However, I don’t get her until Omen’s changed her diaper and made sure she’s clean and dry. He’s such a good dad and I don’t know if he honestly sees it.