Chapter 38
38
COLLINS
“Is it done?” Graham asks, as I make my way into the hallway outside Penny’s apartment.
“Yes.” The single-syllable word comes out as a growl. And the entire experience gutted me.
I know the Hoffman brothers only want what they think is best for their sister, so I’m not holding a grudge, but dammit, that could have been handled differently.
“Good.”
I’m more angry at myself for not going to Graham or Nic first before they had the chance to find out another way. I’d be having the same feelings of betrayal if the situation were reversed.
It’s why I didn’t fight back and accepted my punishment in the ring. Oh, and because my level of self-loathing is at my peak. I knew I deserved whatever I got.
“I’ve done more damage”—I point toward the door—“to your sister in there in this one instance than I ever have done since guarding her.”
“She’ll recover,” Nic says, his tone lacking empathy.
“I broke her.”
“In more ways than one,” Graham responds.
I shake my head at him. “I love her.”
Nic clears his throat. “Then that’s why you have to walk away.”
“I’m doing it because she needs to be away from me—she needs an alibi. I’m doing it because I know I need to repent first for what wrong I’ve done with your sister. But I’m not doing this because it’s what’s best for her long-term.”
Graham takes a step closer, and I brace myself for another pounding. Maybe this time, I’ll fight back.
But he doesn’t make contact. Instead he hands me an envelope.
I glance down at it. “What’s this?” But I already have an idea.
“Cash.”
“No. I don’t want your money.” I turn to Nic. “I don’t need money.”
“Take it,” Graham insists. “That way when we demand you move out of state, we’ll feel less guilty about it.”
“But not until Tanner is wiped from this planet,” Nic adds.
“I guess I should thank you,” I respond sarcastically.
Graham paces. “I don’t care what you do.” He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.
I’m starting to wonder if the Hoffman brothers find me a bigger threat to Penny than the predator who drugged her and tried to rape her. But now’s not the time for a logical conversation when both of them are spurred on by my betrayal of trust.
“I’ll stay away from your sister, for now.”
Graham’s eyes narrow on mine. “Then take the money and have a fresh start without her.”
“No, thanks.”
This has never been about money, and it never will be about money.
I need to get out of here. “I’ll let you know when I receive the signal.”
“It should be soon,” Nic adds.
It better be soon.
Focusing on something else will be a good way to get over the image I have burned into my memory of Penny lying on the floor, crying her eyes out—at my fucking feet. And I watched as she fell apart and did nothing to help put her back together. I let her pour her heart out, and I just stood there and said nothing of value.
She’s never going to forgive me.
And I doubt I’ll be able to forgive me either.
I glance at her door, and I swear I can hear her sobbing through the insulated walls.
I’m sorry, Princess.
I thought being discharged from the United States military was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure, but walking away from Penelope Hoffman right now has outranked anything I’ve experienced in my past.
* * *
Time doesn’t fix anything. It just charges every cell in my body to a throbbing, constant ache. I’m running on a three-day migraine and just a handful of hours of sleep.
I didn’t realize how easy it’s been to sleep next to Penny such that now my body craves her mere presence.
I miss her.
I miss the giggles.
I miss her silly pranks.
I miss smelling strawberries and popcorn on every piece of fabric in my apartment.
I miss how she’s destroyed all order in my life.
I miss it—all of it.
It’s been days since I forced myself to break Penny’s heart in order to help her move on from me. And in those days, I’ve only suffered the tragic loss of the girl I know I love.
When I left her, I crushed her false belief in me that I could be a good guy. And with each passing day, I know that I’m no longer the hero in this story, but without a doubt the villain.
Seeing Penny, beaten and broken from what I did to her, is the worst kind of punishment.
I’ll never be able to move on from that. It’s as if I’m stuck in purgatory, knowing that the end result will be hell. I deserve it too. Because no matter what words I can say as an apology, nothing will ever justify getting involved with her in the first place.
I crossed a line, and if I have to grovel to the entire Hoffman family after this nightmare is over, so be it.
Stepping into the shower, I allow the water to cascade over me.
My wounds from being ambushed by Graham in the boxing ring still burn, but I savor that physical pain and reminder of why I’m staying away from his sister in the first place.
But it still doesn’t keep me from keeping tabs on her like a fucking creeper.
I can’t help myself.
If I can’t have her in my life, I sure as fuck am not going to sit back and allow some asshole to get to her either. As soon as the male population sniffs out that she’s single, they’ll be on the hunt.
I know I’m a ghost stalker.
I know it’s messed up.
I just don’t care.
Knowledge about Penny is my lifeline right now. I just have to be discreet about it and wait for my daily report.
Drying off, I slip into some lounge clothes and lie down in bed.
It feels empty and cold.
I feel empty and cold.
So much has happened over the last week, and yet nothing really at all.
It’s the adrenaline coursing through me as I wait for the signal that Mark Tanner is being transported to the hospital that fuels my passion.
We’ve waited a very long time to rid this earth of his life. I’ll be relieved when my hands are the ones that get to do the final job.
Resting my eyes, I allow my mind to drift off, thinking about what Penny is doing right now. I hope she is less of a mess over this than I am.
The only serenity is in the fact that I’m not a heavy drinker. I may otherwise be hospitalized right now if that was my vice.
My phone comes to life, followed by the sound of the doorbell, pulling me from my slumber.
Rolling out of bed, I make my way through the apartment and then glance out the peephole.
Unlocking the door, I allow Chris inside.
“Redeye, you have red eyes.”
“I know,” I say in exhaustion. I guess it’s his first time really seeing me since the showdown at the boxing gym. Most of our exchanges in information have been digital.
He looks at me closely. “Are you okay, man?”
I shrug like it’s nothing. “I deserved it.”
He nods slowly. “No doubt.”
“Do you have anything for me?” I probably sound like a junkie looking for his next fix.
“Yes. But just so you know, this goes against my morals.”
My eyes narrow on his. “Righhhht.”
“Sheesh, I thought I would at least get a smile out of you.”
“Smiling hurts.” And it does.
“Here,” he says, passing me a folder. “Miss Hoffman has this event coming up. I figured you’d appreciate the direct delivery considering it’s tonight.”
“Thanks.”
I look over the flyer. “Her father’s architecture company sponsors it.”
“It says there’s going to be an auction.”
“Okay.” I vaguely remember hearing about this at Nic’s new house. I just forgot to follow up on it at the time.
There’s been too much on my mind.
“Like chicks selling themselves and shit. Can I come, please?”
I make a face, but it hurts too much so I stop. “No.”
“Bummer.”
`“This is a fundraiser, so stop making this sound pornographic. It’s to raise money for the construction of community centers.”
“So, you don’t want me to kidnap Penny and assure that no one purchases her?”
“That does sound tempting.”
“Okay, there’s your sense of humor. I was worried it was lost forever.”
“I’m not joking,” I deadpan. “Penny might not even be participating as a contestant. There’s nothing here that lists the auction participants’ names.”
“That’s true.”
I should be happy that I’m the only one moping around like my heart just got stabbed. I should be happy that attending a big social event is a good sign that Penny is doing okay.
I should be happy.
But I’m not.
The only way to restore my state of happiness is to get my princess back. But I have nothing to bargain with until I wipe out Tanner.
“Should I do anything?” my ex-military buddy asks. “I can shut down the whole thing. Just say the word.”
“Nah,” I say after a minute. “Penny’s entire family will be there and they’ll keep her safe.”
“You really fell for her, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
It feels so weird admitting it out loud after all these months of keeping it a secret, but I owe it to our relationship. Being with Penny was the closest to happiness I’ve ever been.
I take a seat on the sofa and gesture for Chris to sit down too. I’m usually not this hospitable with the men I hire, but I could use a friend right now.
“Is it over-over?” he asks, genuinely interested.
“Not if I have any say about it. I thought I could move on knowing and believing I was doing the right thing, but I know I’ll never get over her.”
“It’s different this time,” Chris says thoughtfully.
“Everything about Penelope Hoffman is different. She changed parts of me irrevocably for the better.”
“She chipped away at your hard exterior.”
I think about his words for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess she did.”
He gives me a lopsided smile. “She’s good for you.”
I nod. “I just need to make sure I’m good for her too.”
* * *
Hacking into the security footage at Nic’s previous apartment building, I’m able to catch a glimpse of Penny leaving for the charity event.
She’s staying there, and I predict that was a boundary that she set.
A part of me wishes I had more self-restraint, but I can’t resist having this access when it’s all I have right now to feed my obsession.
My heart melts at the sight of her. She’s all dolled up in a designer dress. Her hair is pulled up in an elegant style, secured with a clip.
She looks spectacular.
Enchanting.
And all alone.
My mind can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have our relationship public.
Would Penny have allowed me to escort her to the fundraiser event? Would I have given her any other option?
There’s no way I’d want her showing up alone like she’ll be doing tonight.
Just seeing her in this gorgeous dress has my hands twitching from the strong desire to touch her, and that’s just from witnessing these surveillance videos.
Pacing my living room, I think of all the scenarios that can happen where Penny and I can end up together.
And it’s in my desperation that I vow to make that happen.