Chapter 47
47
COLLINS
When I arrive at the Hoffmans’ residence in Hillsboro, I start to feel the nerves creep up my throat. I’m not used to being here under such tense circumstances, but I won’t let my fear of rejection squash the hope I have for my future.
In a short amount of time, Penny has burrowed herself under the icy layer in my heart and melted it with her grace, her witty humor, and her sensitive nature. She has stolen it and has kept it hostage from the moment she smiled at me during her birthday party just a few months ago, and it has been a defining moment in my life.
It was during that time spent with Penny that I saw her less as a broken girl who needed saving and more as the spirited girl who could save me.
Everyone deserves someone like her in their life, and I’m damn lucky she decided to even put her energy into pursuing me.
And she relentlessly sought me out.
Why? I’ll never know.
Now she’s the only thing I could ever want, and I’ll be absolutely miserable if I don’t fight for her now like she has fought for us in the past.
I just need to get her family on board so I don’t have to stumble through life anymore with crippling guilt weighing me down.
Cutting my engine, I slide out of the driver’s side and step onto what I hope is neutral soil.
The last visit at this residence was for Labor Day, and just thinking about that time I spent with Penny seems like a lifetime ago.
Walking up to the front door, I’m surprised when it opens before I even have an opportunity to knock.
Donna Hoffman greets me in a warm hug.
I wrap my arms around her and savor the comfort.
Hugs are weird. You don’t realize you need one as badly as you do, until someone offers you one. I’m thankful for Donna to see me when I’m struggling to see myself.
“I am glad you are here, Collins.”
I fight back tears that have come out of nowhere. “I am glad I am here too…”
This woman really knows how to make someone feel welcome. It’s no wonder Penny is the person she is today. She had the ideal role model to help guide her along her path into adulthood.
“Thank you for protecting Penny from those criminals.”
“I will always protect her.” It’s a promise rather than just a statement.
She smiles. “I know it’s your job and all, but you risked your life to protect those I love, who consume my life and are the source of my personal happiness. And for that I’m forever indebted to you.”
“I will always be loyal to your family, ma’am.”
She glares over my show of respect. I know the matriarch has a beef with me unintentionally aging her with my labels, but she deserves all of the honor.
“You always have been, Collins.”
I glance down at my feet, feeling overcome with emotions. I know I have a lot of penance to do. “Thank you.”
“What brings you here today? You didn’t exactly provide much detail when you texted us about coming over. I hope it’s nothing too serious. I’m not sure my heart can handle anything bad.”
I tip my head. “I wasn’t trying to be intentionally vague. I just wanted to make sure that what I say is done face-to-face.”
Donna takes a step back, extending her hand. “Well, come on in.”
“I appreciate you opening your home again to me.”
“You are always welcome here.”
“Thank you.”
“I made some snacks, so I hope you are hungry.”
I smile. I’m not the least bit surprised. “I am.” It’s a semi-lie, but I refuse to cause this woman unnecessary sadness by not accepting what she has to offer. Donna always goes all out for even the simplest of gatherings. I just think she really enjoys all aspects of entertaining.
She looks at me suspiciously. “Something’s wrong. I can feel it. You aren’t going to break up with us, right? What did my sons do? They can be such hardheads sometimes. You aren’t retiring, are you? Just for the record, neither of my sons tell me anything of importance going on in their lives. Like, nothing. I know nothing.”
An awkward laugh bubbles out from my diaphragm. “I’ll try my best to explain what has happened.”
“Please tell me this isn’t going to end like one of those Wiley Quinn books that my damn book club keeps selecting. They are a bunch of rich bitches who think their reading material makes them somehow more sophisticated. I wish they would just pick something smutty. It sure would bring some actual joy into their lives.” She leans into me. “And heaven knows, we could all use a little more joy.”
“Umm…” I have no clue what she’s talking about, which is kind of on par when Donna starts going with her offshoots from the main conversations.
“Spoiler alert, the main character gets cancer, or dies overseas during combat, or becomes a religious person sworn to be celibate.”
Germain steps into the dining room, where we end up settling. “Oh, is my wife ranting about the Wiley Quinn books?”
I nod.
“If you call an intellectual discussion ranting,” Donna chides, “then that means you’ve been watching too much of those lawyer shows.” Then she looks at me and mouths, “Boring.”
“Take a seat, Collins. I’m glad you came to visit.” Germain clears his throat.
I pull out a chair and watch as Donna and Germain do the same. Resting my back against the wood, I take a deep breath.
“I know your sons deliberately refrain from providing you details about their lives. And while I don’t want to overstep any of those safeguards they instill for your protection, I want to share with you why I came into the picture in the first place.”
“Okay…” Donna says, placing her hands in front of her on top of the table’s surface.
“Years ago, I was drugged as a revenge plot and forced to discharge from my duty to the United States military. After that abrupt departure, I slipped into a state of depression and lost my purpose in life.”
“I’m so sorry,” Donna says, patting me on the back to encourage me to continue.
“Then I crossed paths with your son Graham and started working security for him. But it wasn’t until I was under his employment and Penny got drugged that I realized just how bonded we are through our tragedies.”
“And you felt like avenging Penny was your way to find meaning to the senseless act that was done to you years prior?” Germain asks.
“Absolutely. And despite thinking that having Tanner behind bars was the end of it, Graham and Nic were shocked when Penny decided to visit her abuser in prison.”
“So they hired you to become her personal bodyguard and keep her out of trouble?” Donna asks.
“Yes,” I confirm. “My duties were shifted primarily to Penny.”
Donna nods, probably mentally piecing together all of the information of what she already suspected to what I’m currently revealing.
“During this time, Penny was using what I concluded was a psychological flooding technique to try to get over the hurdle she thought she was faced with when it came to relationships with men.”
“Oh dear,” Donna gasps. “She became a wild child, didn’t she?”
Careful not to reveal too much, I think over how I’m going to say my next words. “I think she thought that if she confronted her fears with men head-on, that she would magically get better. So, as I guarded her, I was bombarded with the realization that Penny was constantly putting herself in danger.”
“But she had you to watch out for her.”
“Yes. But I was trying to balance protecting Penny and giving her space to blossom and grow.”
Donna reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I imagine she didn’t make it easy.”
“No,” I say with a chuckle. “Not at all.”
Germain clears his throat. “As a father of a daughter who is very much an adult, I had to weigh whether to give advice or give support. And I’m not sure I even did a good job at either of those things, looking back.”
I frown. “Penny loves you both. And as an outsider to the family, I value and admire your dedication to your children.”
“Thank you,” Donna mouths, overcome with emotion. She takes the tissue box her husband passes to her.
“During my time with your daughter, I tried my very best to keep things professional and provide Penny with the boundaries I thought she needed while she tried to cope with assimilating back into the real world. The problem was…it was me who didn’t respect the boundaries.”
“Okay…” Germain says, leaning forward as if to not miss a word.
“The more I was around Penny, the easier it was for me to see how amazing she is. And I fell for her.” I pause, expecting them to gasp or stand up from the table. But instead, Donna and Germain just look at me, silently encouraging me to continue. “I crossed the professional line in spite of both Graham and Nic, the men who trusted me to watch out for Penny, and I went behind their backs to pursue an intimate life with her instead.”
“Oh, Collins,” Donna says, “I can clearly see you feel bad about this.”
I nod eagerly. “I do. But I’m not sorry I fell in love with your daughter, ma’am. I’m just sorry that I didn’t give anyone in your family a chance to support the idea of us and instead kept it all a secret. I know I am older than Penny. I know that I don’t have my own family structure to bring into the relationship for balance. And I know that both Graham and Nic see me as a traitor who betrayed them rather than as a man worthy enough to provide for their sister. And for all of that”—I choke on the tears I’ve been holding back—“I am deeply and regretfully sorry. Truly, I am really sorry.”
Getting up from the table, Germain leaves the room quietly.
And I break down…for the first time in my life.
Scooting her chair closer, Donna places her arm around my shoulder. “I never once questioned your loyalty to our family. Never once. And I still don’t.”
The sound of the chair sliding against the floor causes me to look up. Germain Hoffman is back at the head of the table, looking thoughtfully at me. Then he places a folder onto the table.
“Open it,” he says.
And I do, revealing pictures taken last year when Penny entered Soulful Mind Therapy Center. Sitting in a wheelchair, unresponsive, is my princess.
Her head is slumped to the side. Unfocused and glassy, her eyes just stare at the floor.
It looks like Penny is doing nothing but just breathing and existing. She isn’t thriving and living.
The digital proof of Penny’s struggles spans over months, and with each glance at the evidence, it’s plain to see that she has come a long way to get to where she is currently.
“It pains me to see these pictures,” I admit. “Some I haven’t seen until today.”
“It guts us as well,” Donna agrees. “But it does help to look back if just to keep everything in perspective.”
Leaning forward, Germain reaches for my hand to shake, and I accept. “You have given our Penny life again. When she was released from the facility, we were all terrified she would slip back into her catatonic state. Seeing someone you love suffer so much does something to the brain. It causes real fear and worry. But all these months, Penny has had you.”
“Thank you for not hating me.”
“Hating you?” Donna asks, her shock portrayed by her gaping mouth. “Never.”
“We could never hate you, Collins,” Germain echoes.
“I went about this all wrong…”
Germain places his hand on my shoulder. “Well, if you are solely here to ask for our blessing, then you wasted a trip. Because how can we deny either of you what has been clearly set as your destiny?”
Wiping at another tear that forms at the corner of my eye, I nod. “Thank you. Truly, thank you.”
“Now, as for my stubborn and overbearing boys,” Donna says with conviction, “I’ll handle them.”
I laugh through all the emotion. “Good luck.”