34. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Joss
I woke the next morning blissfully tired and sore from the night’s activities. Unfortunately, there was no avoiding the subject of my parents in the light of day, so we forced ourselves out of bed and headed for the one place that brings us both peace: the ocean.
We talked as we bobbed in the waves, the sun rising behind us, and unpacked everything my dad revealed last night. We talked about my mom over breakfast and coffee at Harbour Grounds. We talked about how I feel about all of it when we got home. We came to the conclusion that dinner tonight would be the best course of action.
As we got ready to go, Wes was encouraging and supportive. He did his best to keep me present and calm, but my mind was all over the place. I just wanted it over . Deciding to walk again tonight, I opted for a pair of black over-the-knee boots with no heel.
The way Wes’s eyes coasted over me when I stepped out of my room made my skin prickle with awareness. I paired the boots with my burgundy suede leggings, a black long-sleeve bodysuit, and a black leather jacket. Not my usual style, but I needed a confidence boost to get through tonight.
Now as we walk into The Gidley, I can feel other eyes on me, and self-consciousness about my choice of outfit prickles. But Wes, being Wes, senses my discomfort.
His lips ghost my ear with words that are just for me. “You are the sexiest woman in this room. And you are mine .”
His possessive claim growled against my neck has me shivering as I melt into his side. I want to kiss him senseless, but I spot my parents waiting for us by a table near the windows. My spine stiffens, and Wes links his hand with mine, giving it a squeeze, letting me know he’s with me.
I hug my dad when I approach the table. I hadn’t planned on it, but after the one yesterday and talking things out with Wes, I can’t help myself. My mom looks shocked to say the least. As far as I know, she isn’t aware of our dinner last night.
When she opens her arms to me, expecting the same, I can’t make myself do it. I’m not prepared to give her any more of myself. Thankfully Wes steps in, pulling her into his side as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, saving me from having to reject her.
I take my seat and Wes moves to sit next to me, but before he can, my dad approaches him, hand outstretched. Wes takes it and then pulls my dad into a hug as well. As someone who knows his hugs well, I can tell this one is genuine. Dad looks taken aback but smiles before moving to take his seat on my opposite side.
We exchange pleasantries and small talk for a few minutes while the server brings us water and takes our drink orders. My glass of wine cannot come soon enough as my nerves ramp up. Wes places a hand on my thigh to keep me from bouncing it into the table and shaking the cutlery. After our drinks arrive, I ask our server to give us some time before we order dinner. I look at Wes and I’m met with a smile and a wink, encouraging me to say what I need to say. This man.
“Mom. Dad. I’ve thought a lot about everything you said. There is a lot of pain and trauma in my past associated with both of you. Things that have caused lasting damage.” My mom starts to interrupt, but Dad stops her with a look. “I have some things that I need to say to each of you. I know they probably won’t be easy to hear, but I need you to listen.”
Wes gives my thigh another squeeze, and I take a deep breath before continuing.
“Dad.” I turn to him first, and I can feel the nerves radiating off him. “You broke my heart when you left. I loved you so much.” His face falls, and I see the quiet sadness in his eyes with my use of the past tense. “Without you there, I spent years lost in a storm of uncertainty and instability. My fear of abandonment and a feeling of never being enough has wreaked havoc on my relationships and contributed to my trust issues for years.”
I turn in my seat, focusing my attention on my mom.
“Mom.” She looks at me with such hope in her eyes, and I will never understand how she thinks there is anything for us in the future. “You were heartbroken too when Dad left, I know that, and I won’t deny the pain that it caused you. But I’ve since discovered you held the key to the one thing I desperately wanted—a relationship with him. And you withheld that from me, all because you were angry and hurt.”
Her eyes flare before she turns her glare on my father. Her shoulders rise and she looks about ready to yell when I hold up a hand.
“No. I’m not finished.” She slumps back in her chair a little, but her eyes still burn with rage for the man next to her. “You never told me that he still wanted me. You allowed me to believe that I was the problem, that I wasn’t enough to make him stay. You dragged me from house to house to live with whoever you could find that could fill the void in your life, while never once thinking about the void you were creating in mine. I won’t even get into the fact that you didn’t believe me, your own daughter, when I told you one of your boyfriends came on to me when you weren’t home. That I no longer felt safe there.”
My dad’s gaze snaps to me and the look of fear and distress on his face has replaced any and all sadness. My mother at least has the decency to look sheepish at my revelation, but she says nothing. Shocker. When my dad turns that look on her, it’s morphed into something else entirely. He looks like he might be the one to start yelling, so I grab hold of his arm, bringing his focus back to me.
“It’s okay, Dad. I’m fine, nothing happened.” I look back to Mom and keep going, on a roll now. “I may have had trust issues initially because of Dad leaving, but those only grew because of what you put me through .
“And then you came to visit with Bill, and you broke every semblance of trust that I had rebuilt. You destroyed any love that I still carried for you when you allowed a man into my home to steal from me.”
Mom sniffs, and I think there’s genuine fear in her eyes now. I have to hold back the emotion clawing its way up my throat and finish, because no matter how hard this feels, I know that it’s the right way forward. The only way forward.
“I may not understand the dynamics that were at play, but nothing will ever justify what happened. Not only was my home—my safe space—violated, but I lost my mom that day. I wish I could say there’s a way back from that, but the truth is that I will never be able to trust you enough to be in my life again. I will always wonder if you’re only here for what you can get from me. Especially now that I’m about to come into some money.”
“Joss, honey.” A look of panic has taken over her features.
It’s Wes who stops her this time. “Andrea, she’s not done.”
“I’m in a really good place now, and I won’t jeopardize that by allowing you back into my life. I won’t apologize for putting myself first. In the end, we all have to make choices. You made yours, and now I’ve made mine.”
I hold her gaze because I want her to see that I’m not going to waver in my decision. I will not break down and change my mind. I’m done living a life where she has the power to come in and flip it upside down.
“Joss.” Her voice quivers. “I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t a good mother to you, but please, don’t write me off. I can be better. I know that I can. Your father and I both can, please don’t do this. We can do better for you.”
“I appreciate the apology, I really do, but it’s too late at this point to fix the damage. Even overlooking all the terrible situations you put me in over the years and the stealing, it’s the fact that you made a decision to keep me from my father—encouraging me to hate him as much as you did so that I would never want him back. That is what I can’t forgive. You stole time I can never get back because you were hurt, and you never once thought about what I needed.”
I look at my dad now and reach a hand out to grab his.
“We can’t get those sixteen years back, Dad.” My eyes fill with tears, and he squeezes my hand, looking just as grief-stricken at that loss as I feel. “But we can try to rebuild now.”
I look back to my mom, her eyes ping-ponging between Dad and me like we’ve each grown an extra head.
“You’re choosing him?” Her voice rises, drawing attention from the surrounding tables. “You’re choosing a man who abandoned you over the mother who stayed? You’re choosing a homewrecker, a man who, no matter what he says to you now, never wanted you? He only wanted to hurt me.”
“Andrea,” my dad says, attempting to stop her tirade.
She continues as if he didn’t speak. “It’s because of the money, right? He offers you a big bank account and, like a money-grubbing whore, you let him back into your life.”
“Andrea!” Dad’s voice rises above hers, but the damage is done. I feel the sting of her insult like she physically slapped me. “That is enough. I will not sit here and allow you to attack Joss this way. She’s made her decision about how she wants to proceed. You are embarrassing yourself.”
He’s vibrating with rage, and beside me, Wes is nearly out of his seat. He said his sister was fiercely loyal, but it must be a family trait based on the way he looks like he wants to pick my mom up and throw her out of this restaurant. Their outrage on my behalf is helping me to stay calm, and I give them each a squeeze to let them know I’m okay. I’m just ready for this to be over.
“Mom,” I say, voice steady. “I’m not forgetting the pain Dad caused me, but much of that could have been avoided. I want the chance to see if there is a relationship to salvage there. But with you, as your outburst only proves… there is no future here. I won’t subject myself to your selfishness any longer.”
She sits in stunned silence. Her mouth hangs open slightly, her eyes wide as she continues to look between me, my dad, and Wes. It’s like she’s waiting for one of us to say just kidding and pretend the last few minutes never happened.
“Brian, surely you can talk some sense into her,” she says with an arrogant indignance. “I am, after all, the one who brought you two back together. You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for me.”
It’s my dad’s turn to look like she’s slapped him. “You can’t be serious. I would’ve never needed to track you down if you had enabled contact from the beginning. I’ve taken responsibility for my actions, and I won’t downplay their damage, but Joss’s choices are her own. I won’t attempt to influence her.”
“But you already have!” Her voice rises again. “How does she even know, Brian? Clearly you told her in a ploy to turn her against me. I was protecting her so that she wouldn’t get hurt by you in the same way I did. I figured it was better to do it all in one fell swoop.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make,” I interrupt. “It should have been mine, and you took it from me. I won’t allow anyone to do that to me again.”
I take her in, knowing this will be the last time I see her. It doesn’t make me as sad as I thought it would. Her reaction was exactly what I expected, and to be honest, it’s only going to make it that much easier to move forward.
“Fine. If that’s your decision, I guess it’s time for me to leave.” She stands, grabbing her purse off the back of her chair. “I don’t need to stay and be attacked further for trying to reconcile with my own daughter. You don’t want me here, I’ll leave.” She pauses only briefly to look at me, like I might change my mind and beg her to stay. I stay planted in my chair, not needing the firm hand Wes has placed on my thigh but appreciating it all the same.
“Goodbye, Mother,” is all I have left to say.
She blanches momentarily before lifting her chin and stalking out of the restaurant. So many eyes follow her before awkwardly looking away.
Once she’s out of sight, I let my head fall to my hands, not out of sadness but out of sheer exhaustion. Wes gently rubs my back, his fingers trailing up and down my spine. I raise my head to look at him, finding a small smile tilting his lips. And with that, I release the last of the breath I was holding.
Picking up my glass of wine, I raise it to the two men at the table.
“To new beginnings. ”
They raise their glasses to clink with mine, then I wave to the server to come take our dinner order. I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat, but as I look at the men beside me, the knot in my stomach loosens. They both stood up for me, defended me, and it feels odd to have people who are truly on my side.
“I am so proud of you, Grey. So fucking proud,” Wes says, his breath ghosting my ear. “Watching you hold your own, fight your battle, and come out the other side with your head held high… I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love with you.”
His lips find mine and I close my eyes, letting him anchor me. His hand tightens around my thigh, making goose bumps shiver across my skin.
My dad clears his throat, and Wes’s laugh is right against my lips before he pulls back. “My apologies, Brian, I couldn’t help myself.” His eyes finally leave mine and he sits back in his chair to look at my dad. My cheeks are ablaze with the heat of his words, his kiss, and the knowledge that my dad witnessed all of it.
“As I said the other day,” Dad says, eyes soft as he looks at us, “I’m glad she has you, Wes. She deserves someone who will love her like you so clearly do.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I tuck my chin, trying to hide my emotion.
“Now.” Dad claps his hands together, drawing my attention back to him. “How did you two meet?”
Wes and I look at each other, smiles growing across our faces until we both burst out laughing. Wes tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, “Grey, try not to make me look too bad, okay? This is your dad after all. ”
I shake my head at him, a smile I would not have anticipated wearing this evening wide across my face as I dive into our story.