Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Xander sat behind the desk, staring at Malin’s face on the Sync screen and trying to sort through all the emotions thundering through him.
None of them felt good
She’d left him.
Without a goodbye. And apparently very easily.
“Xander—” she released a long breath, not quite meeting his eyes “—we both know what we shared…it was intense. Magnified by the circumstances, the danger, your injuries—”
“It felt real to me.” Every precious second of it.
She wrapped an arm around her middle. “You’re a CenSec, dedicated to Centax. You told me I’d never be more important than your planet.”
And he’d believed it when he’d told her that. Now, he didn’t. “Malin, what—”
“You also deserve to take some time for yourself. I’m the only woman you’ve really been with. What if you find someone else you like more—?”
“I won’t. I love you.” He didn’t have years of experience with women, love, or emotions, but he knew what he felt.
“Xander—”
The door opened and Xenia stepped into the room. “Xander, the Prime is here with several councilors. They need to see you.”
He slammed a fist into the desk. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
Malin stared back at him. “You have to rebuild your planet, reassure your people. Centax needs you.”
“And you don’t?”
She looked like he’d slapped her, then her gaze slid past him.
“No.” A bare whisper. Then she straightened her shoulders.
“Your people need you more, Xander. They need your strength, your stability, your love.” Her voice broke.
“I need to get home. I’ve got orders to fill, parts to strip, customers to see. ”
He tried to read her face, but for the first time since he’d known her, it was as blank as a CenSec’s.
“Xander?” Xenia again.
He bit off a curse. “I’m coming.” He kept his gaze on Malin. “This is really what you want?”
She didn’t lift her head, was looking at her hands. “Yes.”
He booted up every single dampening filter he had. He gave a brisk nod. “Thank you for all your help. Centax is grateful for your assistance in recovering the Antikythera. We will of course, compensate you and your cousins for your time.”
She looked up now, her face pale. “That’s not—”
He kept talking, continuing over her. “And I thank you for everything else you took the time to show me.” Now he knew the highs and lows of loving someone.
He wasn’t sure he liked it at all.
“Xander—”
“I have to go.” He stood. “Be well, Malin.” He turned the screen off.
Then he dropped back into his chair.
“Xander?”
Xenia stood inside the door, watching him. “I need a moment.”
“Are you okay?”
He heard a crunch and saw the Sync in his hand crushed to pieces.
No, he wasn’t okay. And he wasn’t sure he ever would be.
It had been four days, seven hours and, Mal glanced at the Sync attached to her environmental suit, twenty-one minutes since she’d left Xander.
She’d been right. It felt much, much worse now than it had then.
And it wasn’t showing any signs of getting better.
With a sigh, she lifted a hand to run through her hair and connected with the rounded helmet of her enviro suit. Idiot. She dropped her hand. She was working outside the huma-dome on the wreck of a cruisership.
It was good to have some space from the constant well-meaning scrutiny of her family. Eos and Ria kept trying to get her to talk. Dathan and Zayn kept bringing up Xander. Nik watched her with a brooding gaze. And Lala kept asking what sex with a CenSec was like and wanted all the details.
Mal bent her knees and jumped off the ground. She landed over near her toolbox and pulled out a torque wrench. She bounded back to where she was working, knelt down, and started loosening bolts.
A noise made her look up. Krypto crouched nearby, watching her with his unblinking gaze. “You miss him too, don’t you, boy?”
In the privacy of her room, she watched any news she could on Centax. The galaxy was obsessed with the coup and the heroic story of the CenSec who’d crossed into uncharted space with the dashing Phoenix brothers to retrieve a priceless treasure and save his planet.
She smiled to herself. Oh, she bet Xander just hated that.
She’d seen him a couple of times on the news holo-vids.
Usually, standing behind Axton Saros as the Prime was interviewed.
Axton looked a lot like his brother, only leaner and less enhanced.
And Axton Saros smiled, frowned, showed his emotion freely.
Xander was always a strong, emotionless presence at his brother’s back.
Tears pricked her eyes. She dropped her head forward until her helmet rested against the metal of the ship.
“This is really what you want?”
“Yes.”
Oh, she was obviously a brilliant liar.
“Girl, you are a pathetic mess.”
Mal’s head shot up and she dropped the wrench. It spun freely and lowered slowly toward the ground. Krypto leaped up and snatched the tool before dropping it at Mal’s feet.
Mal shot Lala a sharp glance. “What are you doing out here?”
Lala managed a shrug in her hot-pink enviro suit. Mal had no idea where the hell the girl had managed to find it.
“Thought I’d come annoy you out of your misery for a bit.”
Mal snorted. “Gee, thanks.”
“You fell for a CenSec, girl.” Lala shook her helmeted head, then leaned down to pat Krypto on the head. “And people call me crazy. Cyborgs can’t fall in love. It’s no surprise he dumped you.”
“He didn’t. I left him.”
“Say what?”
Mal leaned back and put her gloved hands on her knees. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, he is a cyborg. He had some sexy muscles, for sure, but I guess you couldn’t get past the metal parts.”
Heat rushed through Mal. “That’s not it!” She got to her feet. “He’s perfect the way he is. Some people only see the machine, the enhancements, but he’s still a man. He’s intelligent, loyal, dedicated, stable, strong…” Stars, she was so crazy in love with him.
“But emotionally stunted.”
“No. He feels, even though they tried to take that from him.”
Lala blinked behind her clear visor. “I guess you just didn’t trust that he loved you, then?”
“He needs time to explore his feelings more.” Mal threw her hands up. “Why am I talking to you about this?”
“I obviously don’t know him as well as you do.” Lala waggled her eyebrows. “But the man certainly seemed to know exactly what he wanted. You.”
“Lala—”
“And seems to me your problem isn’t Xander and his feelings, it’s you and the fact that you’re protecting yourself.”
“I…I…” Stars, Lala was right. Mal realized while she’d been spouting off about Xander needing to explore what he wanted, she’d really been protecting herself. She pressed her gloves to her helmet. “I think I’m really, really stupid.”
Lala rolled her eyes in a way that seemed to involve her whole body.
“The brokenhearted are sooo melodramatic. Me, I’ve never been in love or had anyone love me.
Sometimes I think alone is the best way.
” The teenager’s face softened. “But if I had a super sexy cyborg tell me he loved me, I’d be grabbing that man and never letting go. ”
Mal straightened. She could borrow the Infinitas and head straight to Centax. Then she pictured Xander’s blank face during their last conversation. The way he’d dismissed her. Her shoulders slumped. She’d damaged something. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to see her.
“Look, Lala, I appreciate you coming out here. You did annoy me, but I think I’m more miserable right now than I was before.” She sank back to her knees. “I just want to focus on my work.” Numb the pain.
“So, I guess you aren’t interested in the fact that a Centaxian Infiltrator landed at HQ just before I came out here.”
Mal froze. She couldn’t move. She hadn’t heard a ship, but then Infiltrators were designed for stealth. “What?”
“Didn’t think so.” Whistling out of tune, Lala bounded away, turning a few somersaults as she went. Krypto happily abandoned Mal to follow the girl.
Mal stared at her gloves. They were stained with grease, just like her hands beneath. And her CenSec wouldn’t care a bit.
She got up and moved as fast as she could toward the huma-dome.
She leaped through the purple shimmer of the dome’s barrier and instantly the artificial gravity inside pulled her down. She yanked off the helmet and tossed it on the ground. At a fast clip, she rounded the hangar.
The landing pads were ahead, and sure enough, a sleek, black Infiltrator sat there.
And beside her stood a super-sexy CenSec.
He wasn’t wearing his uniform. The sight of him in casual clothes—jeans and a dark-gray T-shirt—made her mouth go dry.
As she got close, she slowed to a walk, and then finally stopped. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
That deep voice shivered through her. “Xander—” Stars, her voice cracked and those damned tears were desperate to make an appearance.
He took two quick steps and scooped her into his arms. Feeling like she was coming home, she wrapped her legs around his waist.
“Do not leave me again.”
She smiled at his authoritative tone and took a deep breath. He smelled so good. “I missed you, too.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. There were things I couldn’t avoid.”
“I know—”
“I’ve resigned from Security.”
She gasped and pulled back to look into his eyes. “You what?”
“I love my planet and my job. But what I feel for you… I’ll spend every moment showing you that you’re the most important thing to me. Like your mother was to your father.”
“Oh, stars.” She pressed her forehead to his. “Xander, you were born to be a CenSec. You can’t quit.”
“I can if it means I can have you…”
She’d brought him to this. “No.”
Under her hands, his shoulders slumped. “You don’t love me.”
Xander was in heaven and hell. The heaven of having Malin’s slight weight in his arms, her slim legs wrapped around him.
Hell because he knew this was the last time. When he’d seen her face, her joy at his arrival, he was certain she felt the same way as him.
Would he ever get this emotion thing right?
“Xander, look at me.” She tugged on his hair.
Those beautiful purple eyes shimmered with tears. “We’ve been apart for four days, seven hours and—” she leaned to the side to look at the Sync on her suit “—well, I’ve lost track of the minutes.”
“Fifty-nine minutes.”
A tiny smile flitted across her lips before it faded. “Every minute of that time has felt like a lifetime. I love you so much it’s turning me inside out.”
Air raced into his lungs. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and dropped to his knees. Burying his face in her hair, he just breathed. Deeply and freely. For the first time in what felt like forever.
“I didn’t know love before you. But I know I love you and only you, Malin. And whatever else I have in my life, you are the center of everything for me.”
She raised a shaky hand to his cheek. “Pretty nice words for a cyborg.” She touched a finger to his lips.
“I’ll happily be your center, but that doesn’t mean other things can’t orbit us, too.
I think I can share you with your planet.
” She pressed her lips to his. “Stand at your side when you need me there.”
Xander took control of the kiss, impatient for a taste of her after so many days apart. Desire rushed in and filled his cock.
“I’ve been searching for love a long time, but when I met you, I learned what real love is all about.” She shot him a wicked grin. “So, I’ll share you…but in our bed it’s just you and me. You’re all mine, tough guy.”
He stood and headed toward the hangar. “Speaking of beds. I’d love to try yours.”
Her laughter drifted out across the landing pads, making his heart clench.
“You know the way.”
Ahead, Xander spotted the rest of the Phoenix clan. Dathan shot him a thumbs-up, Zayn and Niklas were smiling, the women were laughing, and Lala looked like she was suffering from some kind of seizure. Xander smiled, his arms tightening around his woman.
Malin leaned down and nipped his ear. “So, where were we up to on that list of yours?”