Chapter 1 #2
Elliot pushes his arm away, draining the last of his beer. “I’m not a fucking child.”
“Then stop acting like one,” Dilynne snaps.
Laney clears her throat. “Look, Elliot, I think you should go cool off for a minute. Let me take you back to my dad’s office.”
Elliot wraps his arm around Laney’s neck, stumbling slightly as she leads him away. “I wish I had a sister like you,” he mumbles just loud enough for all of us to hear.
Fletcher pushes a hand through his hair. “Is he always like this now?”
“Well, while you were at training camp, he mostly drank at home. Now, he’s making a sport out of it,” Rhonan answers. “I don’t know how long we’re supposed to let this go on until we intervene.”
Dilynne scoffs. “Maybe you give him some Everclear or tequila next time, and then when he’s so hungover he feels like he wants to die, he’ll stop.”
I shake my head, glancing back at the baby just as her eyes start to flutter open.
Blue eyes as dark as the ocean meet mine and my chest twists.
“Oh my God,” Dilynne whispers. “She’s awake.”
“What do I do?” My eyes dart over to Rhonan and my heart begins to race in my chest.
“Did Meghan leave you any formula? Diapers? Wipes? She’s probably going to be hungry and need a diaper change soon.” His eyes drop down to the diaper bag.
I push it toward him. “I haven’t even opened this thing yet. I don’t know what any of that shit is.” Clutching my hair between my fingers, I pull it up until it’s standing on end. “Fuck, I can’t do this.”
Fletcher rounds the table and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Just breathe, Henley. Rhonan, maybe you should go home with Henley and walk him through a few things. Tomorrow, you can wake up with a fresh mind and tackle this thing head-on, okay?”
“Yeah, if the baby even lets him sleep,” Rhonan mutters as he digs through the bag.
“What do you mean?”
He glances up at me, and then to Dilynne and Fletcher as Laney comes back from her dad’s office, minus Elliot. “She’s only three months old. She probably doesn’t sleep through the night yet.”
“Jesus Christ.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I can’t fucking handle this right now. I have a job, a life. I have interviews tomorrow…”
Rhonan shrugs. “Welcome to parenthood. You have to juggle that and take care of another human being. That’s why I hired Joanne.”
Joanne is the nanny Rhonan hired to help with his daughter right after she was born. Unfortunately, Rhonan’s wife, Sarah, died during childbirth, so if there’s anyone who understands an ounce of the responsibility I’ve just been given, it’s him.
“Can I take Joanne from you?” I ask, a little too desperately.
Rhonan laughs before growing serious. “Fuck no. I can’t survive without that woman.
Find your own nanny, Clark.” Returning to the bag, he finds a canister and pulls out an empty bottle.
When he pops the lid and looks inside, he winces.
“There might be enough formula to last you another day or so, but I could be wrong. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to worry about this.
” Ellis is almost five, so I can imagine he’s rusty with the baby stuff.
But he still knows a hell of a lot more than I do.
“Even still, you need to get more supplies—fast.”
Sighing, I stare back at my daughter, inhaling her scent, absorbing just how small she feels in my arms, and wondering for the hundredth time what the hell I just got myself into. “You’re stuck with me now, Remy.”
“Remy?” Dilynne asks.
“Yeah, it’s short for Remington. That’s what Meghan named her.”
With a lift of the corner of her mouth, my sister glances up at me. “Well, at least she has a badass name. It almost cancels out the fact that her father doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
I know my sister’s trying to make light of the situation, but I can’t help but think just how wrong she is.
This girl needs a dad, someone to look up to, someone who knows what they’re doing. And that definitely isn’t me.
***
“If you keep this pillow on the other side of her, then she won’t roll off in the middle of the night.” Rhonan fluffs the pillows he placed near the edge of my bed.
“What if I roll over on her and squish her?”
He pushes a hand through his hair. “I remember worrying about the same thing with Ellis, but I promise, you’re more aware of her presence than you think. It’s instinct.”
I’m standing in my room as Rhonan walks me through a few things for my first night alone with my daughter.
Even though I’m fairly certain a paternity test is unnecessary, my friends still suggested that I get one, so I added that to the long list of things to do and items to purchase over the next few days—the first of which is a crib.
“I don’t have any instincts when it comes to babies, Rhonan. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”
My eyes sting with the threat of tears. I think I’m more nervous and unprepared than scared or sad. Four hours ago, I was conducting interviews at the lodge. Now I’m a dad.
“I get it, Henley. I do. After Sarah…”
Guilt slams into me. Here I am freaking out about doing this on my own, but that’s been Rhonan’s reality since the day Ellis was born—the same day he lost his wife.
Ellis’s mom would have been there if she could, but fate had other plans.
He’s the only one who remotely understands what I’m going through here.
He shakes his head. “I just don’t understand how someone could abandon their child—”
“Honestly, I think Remy is better off,” I cut in.
“Why?”
“Because having a parent who’s around but doesn’t give a shit about you is no better, Rhonan.”
We share a look, silently speaking words neither of us needs to voice. While my parents were MIA, Rhonan had two of the most loving parents a kid could ask for. Sadly, his mom passed away when we were twenty, but he and Laney were always loved, cherished, and wanted.
And that’s when it hits me—that’s exactly how I want my daughter to feel.
Even though I have so much to learn, Remy deserves every ounce of effort I’ve got. The overwhelm is flooding my body right now.
“No one’s ever ready to be a parent, and no parent is perfect,” Rhonan says, breaking the silence. “But my mom used to say that the best parents are the ones who just never stop trying, even when they screw up.”
Nodding, I glance over at Remy sleeping soundly in her carrier again. “I’m so out of my depth here.”
“You’ll adjust. But seriously, try to find some help.”
Turning to face him again, I nod. “I’ll add it to the list.”
Rhonan glances down at his watch and sighs. “All right. Well, I need to get going if I’m going to make bedtime. Ellis is probably going to pick the same story we’ve read all week, but if I’m not there to read it, I feel like shit.”
“You read to her every night?”
“On the nights I’m not working, yeah. Why?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “My parents never did that.”
He tilts his head. “Will she remember the story? Probably not. But will she remember me being there? Yeah, she will. And that’s what matters, Henley.” He casts his eyes on my daughter. “Parenthood is going to teach you a lot about yourself, my man. Just wait and fucking see.”
With that, he’s out the door.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Well, I guess it’s just you and me, Remy.” Bending down, I lift her from the carrier and adjust her awkwardly in my arms, not yet used to holding a baby.
Will I ever get used to this?
She stirs awake, letting out a wail that could shatter glass. “Shit. Shhh. I’m sorry. Please go back to sleep, baby girl. Please…”
Spoiler alert: there was very little sleep that night.