Chapter 10
Ten
Relevé: to rise up onto demi-pointe (balls of the feet) or en pointe (to the tips of the toes in pointe shoes).
Rudy
Alexander Dasher was kissing me. My inner teen all but squealed as my adult self reveled in this turn of events. In all our evenings playing board and card games, I’d figured out that Alexander never shied away from a dare. But I hadn’t expected my taunt to work quite this well.
“Make me.”
My heart nearly pirouetted out of my chest when Alexander leaned in.
That I was still upright now as he kissed me was entirely due to the building behind me and not any strength of my own.
He kissed me like I was the last whoopie pie on the buffet table, with a hungry ferocity that made me tremble in ways that had nothing to do with the chilly night.
I’d already been soaring like one of Alexander’s trademark jumps after the success of the gaming party.
Watching Alexander have fun despite himself was a pleasure, and he seemed to genuinely get along with my friends.
A deep sense of contentment had settled over me as we’d walked back.
We’d bantered as easily as if we attended game night together weekly. I wish.
Kissing, however, stole all sense of familiarity.
His mouth was a revelation, and memories of all prior kisses fled.
I’d been kissed before, but never like this.
Alexander’s kiss was bold and assertive, like a spicy curry that took over all my senses.
His tongue demanded entry, and I gasped, welcome and surprise rolled into one single, sharp inhale.
And then we were kissing even more deeply.
My grip on the grocery bags loosened under the overwhelming urge to pull Alexander even closer.
Down the street, car tires skidded, and music drifted over from the bar on Main Street.
We were hidden by the backside of the building, but not hidden enough for what I truly wanted.
“Let me unlock the door,” I said against his mouth as I fumbled one-handed for the keys in my coat pocket.
Alexander pulled back to gaze down on me with glassy eyes. “We should—”
“Don’t say stop.” I cut him off by stretching for another kiss.
Bags in one hand and his coat in the other, I hauled him a few steps over to the door that led to the back stairs.
With a dexterity I hadn’t known I possessed, I managed to turn the key between kisses.
I was determined not to give Alexander a chance to reconsider.
Not that he seemed particularly inclined to do that as he kissed me back with even more intensity than the initial kiss.
We stumbled into the stairwell together, bags hitting the scarred tile floor as I kicked the door shut.
I didn’t bother trying to find the light switch.
I had a far more important mission for my hands.
His wool coat had wide lapels, and I used them to tug him closer. Continuing to trade kisses, I trailed my fingers from his collar to the large, flat buttons lining the front of the coat.
“Stellar idea,” he murmured as my hands found the soft blue fabric of his pullover.
His torso was toasty warm, and I gasped from that as much as from Alexander reaching for my zipper.
He unzipped my far more utilitarian coat, sweeping the slick material open to rest his hands on my sides.
I’d dressed up for the school visit earlier in the day, a white dress shirt under the sweater vest my mother had gifted me last year.
Professional but warm. Of course, at the moment, I cursed every last layer between us.
I wanted to feel his skin, to see if the heat coming off him burned my fingertips, to see if I could inspire the same surprised noises that kept escaping me, and to see what could come of a connection this electric.
As we traded kisses, I played with the hem of his pullover, fingers venturing a little farther with each kiss until I found bare skin, and he hissed.
But Alexander didn’t stop me, so I took the victory, dancing my fingers along his waist, up the curve of his ribcage, reveling in how he arched toward my touch.
His skin was as warm as I’d suspected but softer, offering a contrast to his demanding kisses.
He kissed with the single-minded focus he showed for the game and dance, making me feel like I was the only thing in the universe that mattered to Alexander in that moment.
I wasn’t much of a drinker, but all his attention made my head swim and my limbs heavy, like I’d had one too many.
Of course, with him, there was no such thing as too much.
I skated my hand higher, and his answering moan made the last of my blood rush south. I’d never been this hard, this on edge.
“Are you the only renter in the building?” Alexander asked as his head fell back against the wall next to the stairs. The light from the parking lot cast eerie shadows across his face.
“Huh?” I barely heard him through my tipsy haze, drunk on his kisses and the thrill of touching him.
“I might be used to an audience, but even I would rather not scandalize your neighbors by fucking in the stairwell.”
“Oh.” My eyes went so wide my eyebrows pinched from the stretch. “I’m the only one who lives here full-time.”
“Good.” With that, Alexander returned to kissing me, hands far bolder now as he pushed my vest upward. He made a frustrated noise as he encountered the bulk of my coat and other shirts. “Entirely too much clothing.”
“I agree.” I nodded enthusiastically as a shiver raced through me.
We were in a drafty, unheated stairwell in winter.
While the chance of interruption was low, this remained an unhinged idea.
The smarter thing would be to pull Alexander up the three flights of stairs to my somewhat-warmer apartment, but the risk of him saying no had me shrugging out of my coat right there.
I let it fall onto the bags scattered at our feet.
“Maybe we should simply go for the clothing that matters. Efficiency.” Alexander winked a fraction of a second before he palmed the front of my pants for emphasis.
“Ungh.” I made a strangled sound as I struggled not to climax on the spot.
I ran imaginary budget spreadsheets in my head, but numbers were a poor defense against Alexander’s searing touch.
A better distraction was reaching for his narrow leather belt.
A high-pitched, giddy laugh wiggled past my efforts at restraint.
“I can’t believe we’re really doing this. ”
“A stairwell is a bit of novelty,” Alexander agreed idly.
“I meant you and me, this, here…” I trailed off as I was long past the point of making sense, but something in my babble or perhaps my inexpert pawing at him made Alexander narrow his eyes.
“Oh Lord.” His voice approached finding a spider in his soup levels of horror. “Tell me you’ve done this before.”
“Not in a stairwell.” I tried to mimic the airy tone he often used, but his expression stayed skeptical.
“You’re a virgin.” He didn’t even give me the dignity of forming his guess as a question. Groaning, he flopped back against the wall behind him. “I should have guessed.”
“Really? Why?” I went from turned on beyond all belief to pissed off in a single irritated heartbeat.
“And don’t say my age. I’m twenty-four. The vast majority of adults aren’t virgins at my age.
” I glared at him, hands clenching. “Or is it that I’m too nerdy?
The stereotypical short, skinny geek who’s destined to be single forever? ”
Moments earlier, I’d felt so seen by him. Wanted. Desired. All that fled, replaced by uncertainty and no small amount of anger.
“Put the claws away. I didn’t mean it as an insult,” Alexander said mildly. “More that there’s this innocent vibe around you. You don’t have all the layers of pretense most do.”
Despite his chiding, disappointment and insult still warred in my gut, and I made an indignant noise. Innocent. He might as well say I was a terrible kisser. He might have meant the comment as reassuring, but it landed more like a wet towel on top of the smoldering heap of my former crush.
“But also, I mainly meant my own terrible luck.” Alexander gave a self-effacing laugh that did nothing to lessen my irritation. “My libido finally wakes up from the deep freeze it’s been in the last year and a half or more, and you’re a virgin.”
“So you keep saying. It’s hardly a death sentence.” I gave him a pointed look. Why couldn’t we simply get back to the kissing? The kissing had been so good. Magical. I wanted more of that, not this pointless argument. “Virginity is more like a temporary condition. One I’d be happy to be done with.”
“And you will be, I’m sure.” His voice was light before turning serious again. “But not with me.”
“Why not?” I demanded. He’d certainly seemed into the kissing prior to my ill-timed babble. And he’d been the one to kiss me. Maybe this could still be salvaged.
“You deserve something better than a quick grope in a dark stairwell, Rudy.” Alexander had returned to his “I am so ancient” tone that rankled more than a dozen out-of-tune pianos. He wasn’t that much older, and I liked him far better when he wasn’t attempting to lecture. “Let it be special.”
“Ha.” I snorted. “The leagues of teens who have lost their virginity in backseats of cars and other awkward locales beg to differ.”
“Don’t settle for something meaningless.” Alexander shook his head sadly, gaze faraway, and my anger softened into something more sympathetic.
“Did you?” I asked quietly.
“I don’t want to talk about that.” The set of his jaw said he wasn’t open to further questioning. “Just take my advice, Rudy. Wait for someone worthy of you.”
“But you could—”
“Goodnight, Rudy.” He cut me off with a raised hand as he sidestepped away from me, already reaching for the door. “And I’m sorry.”
Not as sorry as I was. My groan followed him out the door into the cold night air, which rushed into the stairwell.
If he hadn’t guessed my most embarrassing secret, we could still be kissing.
Or more. And despite what he thought, it would be special, and not simply because he was Alexander Dasher. He was my friend, or so I’d thought.