Chapter 31
Thirty-One
Grande battement: a big kick of the leg.
Alexander
“Alexander.” Rudy’s eyes were wider than one of Irma’s whoopie pies as he whispered my name. He waved his hand of cards in front of his face as if testing to see if I were a mirage. I could forgive his disbelief because I was also shocked to find myself here.
“This is so sweet.” Ari did a mock swoon into her girlfriend’s arms before digging for her phone. “I need a picture.”
Getting up from the table, Irma tapped my arm. “Have you eaten, dear?”
“Uh. Not really.” I’d had a long, mercifully direct flight to Philadelphia, then a train ride, then a walk to the game store, and food hadn’t exactly been a priority.
“I’ll fix you a plate.” Irma hauled Ari and her phone along with her to the food table.
“I’m feeling a burning need to do some card inventory.” Troy also stood up and motioned at Chris. “How about a hand?”
“Nothing I’d rather do than count cards.” Chris was chipper as ever as he trailed after Troy, leaving me and Rudy to stare at each other.
All the hours of travel caught up with me, and I sank onto the chair next to Rudy. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He licked his lips. No smile. No dimples. Only uncertain eyes and nervous hands. “What are you doing here?”
“I missed you.” There was so much else I wanted to say, but all the other reasons came back to that one.
I missed him. I missed him so much that I’d browsed flights on another sleepless night after my conversation with Victoria.
I missed him so much that I skipped Friday class.
I’d missed him and missed him, and now I was here, and if he sent me away, I might melt into a puddle, never to recover.
“I missed you too.” Rudy hadn’t smiled, but I exhaled anyway. He’d missed me. We could build from there.
“Good.” I gave an uncertain chuckle. “I mean not good. But misery loves company and all that.”
“Misery is a good word.” Rudy shuffled his cards around in his hand. “I knew I would miss you, and goodbye was still so much worse than I expected.”
“Same.” I gave a helpless shake of my too-pale hand. “I’m not sleeping. Food tastes wrong. I go to class. I walk the city because my apartment isn’t yours. It’s too damn quiet, and my head is so loud.”
“I see reminders of you everywhere.” Rudy matched my confessional tone. “I’m not entirely sure you’re actually here.” Finally, finally, I got the smallest of smiles from him. “I might be dreaming.”
“You’re not dreaming.” I reached for his free hand and squeezed his fingers. “I’m here.”
“Yes, you are.” Rudy squeezed back. “But what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in rehearsals for the Valentine’s weekend show?”
“I took a personal day.”
“Alexander Dasher took a personal day.” Rudy sounded understandably skeptical. “Alexander Dasher, the legendary workaholic who once danced a critically acclaimed performance with a one hundred and two-degree fever, is playing hooky for me?”
“Yep.” I nodded. “I needed to see you more than I needed Friday’s class. We need to talk.”
“We do.” Rudy dropped my hand as Irma arrived with a plate piled high with food for me. Rudy’s gaze swept around the room at all the curious eyeballs pretending not to watch us. “Maybe not here. You eat. I’ll pack up my stuff.”
He’d ordered me to eat, so eat I did. He’d agreed to talk, and my chest already felt lighter than it had all week. Simply sharing the same air as Rudy was as restorative as a two-hour massage.
“I can’t believe you came back,” Rudy said once we were alone and on the walk back to his place.
I hadn’t asked yet, but I was hoping he’d let me sleep over and save me from sneaking into my parents’ pool house late at night.
I shivered at the thought, and Rudy stopped under a streetlight to adjust his bags so he could take my hand. “I was going to come to you.”
“You were?” I blinked. Thank goodness he hadn’t given in to that impulse, or our flights might have passed in the sky like some bad rom-com scene.
“I was.” Rudy offered a self-conscious laugh. “I’d arrived at that decision literally seconds earlier, and then there you were behind me like I’d summoned you.”
“Pretty nifty power.” I swung his hand. A few fat flakes of snow fell onto his knit beanie. Thank goodness the weather had cooperated enough to get me here. Let it snow. Getting back to Seattle could be a problem for Sunday night me.
“I promise to only use my superpowers for good.” Dimples on full display, Rudy resumed walking only to stop again in front of the ballet school. “Why did you come, Alexander?”
“I told you. I missed you.” We were so close to his couch, yet so far away.
And apparently, Rudy needed more explanation than that because he stayed rooted to the spot.
I drew my shoulders up and back, elongated my neck into perfect posture, much as I did before a command performance to quiet my nerves.
I certainly had enough nerves here, but I pushed the flock of butterflies aside.
“I don’t like who I am without you. I want to make this thing between us work. I love you.”
“Oh wow.” Rudy exhaled hard, breath hanging between us in the frosty air in the longest pause known to humankind. I’d added the I love you so he couldn’t stop me from saying it, but my hands shook with each word. My heart hammered right up until he added, “I love you too.”
“Thank goodness.” I slumped against the building, as spent as if I’d danced an entire performance.
“I want to make this work as well.” He pulled me back to upright, wrapping an arm around my waist as if to steady me. “Turns out the only thing worse than contemplating long distance is trying to do life without you.”
“I want to do life with you.” My lips pursed. I should have added that to my speech. I leaned into Rudy and let him steer us around the building to the back entrance.
“I was too quick to send you away.” He broke away long enough to unlock the door and kept his attention on the lock, not meeting my gaze. “I was scared.”
“I was terrified.” I gathered him to me from behind, inhaling his familiar minty, woolly, all-Rudy scent. “Still am.”
“Me too.” Rudy spun in my embrace to give me a swift kiss. “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m willing to do what it takes to make our love go the distance.”
“I want forever.” I cupped his face in my hands, cold air be damned. I’d stand out here all night if that was what it took.
“Me too.” Rudy offered me another kiss before tugging me into the building and locking the door behind us. “And forever doesn’t have to mean years and years of long distance. My mom is doing really well. She says she wants me to be happy. I could telecommute or move.”
“So could I.” I frowned because I’d practiced my big offer the entire flight here, and he’d beaten me to it.
“No.” Rudy whirled on the stairs, momentarily taller than me, expression fierce as he wagged a finger at me. For a moment, he looked ready to whop me with his game bag. “Tell me you didn’t quit, Alexander. I want your dreams to come true. All of them. I want to see you on stage in February.”
I was insanely glad I hadn’t given in to my initial urge to quit on the spot because Rudy looked willing to drag me back to Seattle with his own two hands if so required.
“You will. I’ll make sure you have great seats.” Trying to soothe his ire, I reached out to pat his hand. “I’m not going to leave Seattle in the lurch for that show, but I’m meeting with Julian Hale while I’m here about options for next season.”
It was a compromise position, less rash and bold than part of me wanted, but there were times when my pragmatic nature was a good thing.
I could manage at least one more show, go out on a high note, then explore new possibilities.
I was surprisingly excited, but Rudy didn’t look anywhere near as enthusiastic.
“It’s a step backward,” he quoted my own words from the party.
“Not necessarily.” I’d spent all week contemplating who I was as a dancer and what I wanted to achieve with my remaining time on stage.
All last year, I’d run from any thought of life after ballet, but for the first time, I saw a glimmer of who I wanted to be, the life I wanted to lead.
“It’s a different sort of opportunity to leave my mark. ”
“But it means leaving behind your dreams.” Rudy continued to glare at me. The stairwell light flickered like it too was not pleased.
“Dreams can change.” That sounded trite, so I wasn’t surprised when he made a disbelieving noise. I took a breath before trying again. “Victoria called me recently. I told her to listen to her heart, then realized I needed to do the same thing.”
“What did your heart say?” Some of the frustration left his voice, replaced by a tentative curiosity.
“That I love you. That I miss you, but also Pennsylvania. Ballet is always going to be central to my identity, but I’m finally ready for a life beyond ballet.
I want a place to call home.” My voice grew firmer with each sentence.
My heart knew exactly what it wanted. All I’d needed to do was listen.
“I want to see my family more regularly and to build my own. I want someone to come back to. I might be in the market for a house husband if you know anyone interested in such a position.”
“I might.” A smile tugged at the corners of Rudy’s mouth, dimples threatening to make an appearance. “But I’m willing to wait to assume that role. Or have it be in Seattle. We’ve got options.”
“Yes.” I drew him to me, lifting him and his bag off the step. “The important thing is that I have you.”
“You do.” He gave an unsteady laugh. “You do. Please don’t drop me.”
“I have carried some of the greatest dancers in front of hundreds.” I faked indignation. “I think I can manage a few steps with you.”
“Let’s not test that for three flights of stairs.” Chuckling, he wriggled down my torso and dropped his bag at our feet. “In fact, let’s not tackle the stairs at all.”
His eyes flashed mischievously, my only warning before he sank to his knees in front of me.
“It’s cold,” I gave the feeblest of protests. I needed to insist on more talking, maybe allow for some sedate making out after we worked out more future details, but I also simply needed him, period.
“It is.” Rudy’s agreement didn’t stop him from undoing my belt. “And I’ve missed you terribly, and I kept thinking all week that we never actually did anything in the stairwell despite coming close.”
“Lost opportunity.” I leaned back against the wall. Might as well get comfortable and enjoy what he had planned. Rudy’s glasses fogged up, so I reached down and plucked them off his face. “I’ll hold on to these for you.”
“While I hold on to this.” Laughing, he withdrew my cock, grip almost as familiar as my own. He gave me several long, firm strokes. “I’m feeling a need to make up for lost time.”
“Keep doing that, and it’ll be a short time,” I warned.
“I’m good with quick.” Adjusting his hand to rest on the base of my cock, he pressed a wet, warm kiss to my cockhead. “We can go slower for round two upstairs.”
“Already planning ahead, I see.” I had to joke while I could because as soon as he took me in his mouth, my ability to make sense was going to flee.
“Yep.” He grinned up at me before licking a stripe up my shaft. “That’s me. The planner.”
And then he did swallow me down, and I made an inarticulate noise as he went right for the sort of rhythm I craved, lots of suction while jacking the base.
“Oh God, you are so good at that.” My moans filled the small stairwell.
Rudy paused long enough to beam up at me. “I practiced all December.”
“Rehearsed,” I corrected with a groan. He returned to sucking me, doubling down on the friction and speed, quickly reaching that sloppy, frantic place I loved. “Don’t stop.”
And he didn’t, which meant there was no holding off my climax.
Not that I was particularly inclined to.
As he’d said, we could go again later, and I could showcase my stamina then.
At the moment, all I wanted was more. More suction.
More heat. More Rudy. Always more Rudy. I couldn’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t want him desperately.
“Gonna come,” I gasped. He flicked his tongue across my cockhead, adding to the sensations as orgasm swept through me like a Nor’easter winter storm, swift and powerful.
There was no stopping the blizzard of pleasure that pelted me.
I had to press my spine into the wall to stay upright.
My legs shook and my breath came in harsh pants.
Spent, I pulled him back up next to me, already reaching for his fly.
“That was spectacular. What do you want?”
“A heater.” He pushed my hand away. His cheeks and nose were delightfully pink. “And then a shower, my bed, and you in me, in that order.”
“I think that can be arranged.” We had remaining things to work out, and there was the small matter of our mothers, but all that could wait till morning. Tonight was for us.