Chapter 13
Benson
Sunday night, I’m at my desk with my Stats notebook open, and I have done four problems in two hours.
My phone is face down. I’ve flipped it over three times in the last hour.
Each flip has gotten me the same lock screen, which is a photo from a tailgate last fall that has, until tonight, not seemed boring.
I pick the phone up and look at Saturday’s text messages from Gianna. I can’t text her again without being obvious, so I rely on the fact that her last text message said that Lucy is okay, and I put it face down again.
Monday at the rink, Coach is in the navy quarter-zip and a worse mood than usual.
We do edges. We do a Camdenkout drill. We run the rush three times.
The third time, I take a half-second too long reading Stanley’s drop pass.
Coach blows the whistle. He doesn’t say anything.
He just blows it and lets me skate over.
“Reeve.”
“Coach.”
“You sleeping at night?”
“Yes, Coach.”
He barks, “Sleep more.”
“Yes, Coach.”
The next rep, I read it on time. The one after that, I read it early. We finish the drill.
In the locker room, Stanley has the Bluetooth, and the Drake-Future thing is back.
Walsh is telling Carlson and two of the freshmen a story about a dog at his uncle’s farm in Manitoba that has, allegedly, learned to open the fridge.
Wexler is laughing the kind of laugh that says he is going to laugh at anything an upperclassman says for the next three years.
I sit at my cubby and start unlacing my left skate.
Blue sits at his cubby two over from mine. He doesn’t say anything for a minute. He’s pulling tape off his shins.
“You good?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He nods and goes back to the tape.
That’s the whole conversation.
I don’t look at him. He doesn’t look at me. He keeps pulling tape, and I keep unlacing my skate. Across the room, Walsh hits the punchline of the dog story, and Wexler laughs too loudly.
Monday afternoon classes happen. I sit, take notes, and respond to questions if they get to me. Between History and the lecture hall, I check my phone once.
That night, the boys make pasta. Rowan does the cooking. Stanley sets the table and announces twice that he’s not doing the dishes. I pour the water. Percy reads at the table. I am quieter than I usually am. I go to bed at ten, and I sleep better than last night.
Tuesday, I am at the rink at six-thirty-five.
Stanley is on the bench in front of the visitor cubbies.
He is in his Under Armour and one shin guard.
He’s bent forward with his elbows on his knees, looking at the floor between his skates, doing nothing.
He sees me come in, and for once, he doesn’t perform.
“Reeve.”
“Stan.” I sit down on the bench across from him and drop my bag. “Couldn’t sleep?”
He keeps his head down. “My dad called last night.”
“Yeah?” I ask.
“He never just calls.”
He’s looking at the rubber matting under his skates. His button-down from yesterday is balled up on the floor next to his bag.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. I am. He just — he doesn’t just call. So when he just calls.” He pauses, kicking his foot out. “It’s a thing. I don’t know.”
I bend down and start lacing my skate. A minute goes by. Frank is flipping Camdenkers in the back. The Zamboni is going next door. The door at the far end of the room opens. Wexler comes through. Then the freshman backup goalie. Then Walsh.
Stanley sits up. “Gentlemen,” he calls, the volume coming back on like a switch flipped, “Who is ready to be embarrassed by my hands today?”
Walsh laughs, “It’s six forty-two in the morning.”
He widens his arms. “Prime embarrassment hours, boys.” He shoves his foot into the second skate and doesn’t look at me again.
Practice runs fine. I’m closer to my reads than yesterday. I’m not where I want to be, but I am closer. I shower at the rink and get back to the house at eleven. I towel off in my room and the phone buzzes on the dresser.
From: Camden Athletic Tutoring Center Subject: Tutoring Session Cancellation
Hi Benson,
Your tutor Lucy Moss has notified us that she needs to cancel today’s 4:00 PM session due to illness. We are working to reschedule. You will receive an updated calendar invite once a new time has been confirmed. Please direct any questions to the Athletic Tutoring Center.
— Camden Athletic Tutoring Center
My stomach plummets.
I read it again. She doesn’t have my number, so technically, she couldn’t text me, but she could have asked my sister for my number to give me a heads-up on this. I sit on the edge of the bed in the towel in disbelief that she went through the center. I need the sessions, or Fuller will flip.
All of these signs point to one thing.
She’s freaked out from the kiss.
Fuck.
I shake my head, knowing that she’s sick. I know she’s sick. I heard it from Gianna, saw the panic on my sister’s face, and know she took her to urgent care, and yet, my mind’s still convincing me that she’s canceling on me because of the kiss.
I run my hands through my hair and massage the back of my neck.
I don’t know.
I can’t text her. I can’t show up at her place. I can’t do any of the things I want to do. I also can’t sit around here any longer.
Blue is at the kitchen island making a sandwich. Percy is at the dining table reading. His book is in French again. The cover has a sad-looking man on it, although that may be every book Percy reads. Stanley is in class. Rowan is at the gym.
I sit on the kitchen island stool across from Blue as he lays another piece of turkey. I put my hands flat on the island. I take them off. I rest them on my knees. I put them back on the island.
Blue says, “It’s just us in here, cap. Tell us what’s eating at you.”
I open my mouth and then wipe my face. I tap the counter and inhale. Here goes nothing. “I kissed Lucy Friday night.”
He pauses, looking up at me. Across the room, Percy lifts his head from the book. The two of them look at each other.
“You did?” Blue asks.
Percy closes the book, walks over, and stands at the corner.
I rub the back of my neck. “She canceled today’s tutoring session.”
Percy says, “I heard Gianna telling Mara that she’s sick.”
I nod.
Blue says, “You don’t believe it.”
“I don’t know.” I rub my eyes and lean back. “Fuck.” I lean forward. “You both know I don’t just go around and kiss anyone.”
Blue chuckles, taking a bite of sandwich. “No, bro. And you hadn’t even known the girl for a full week.”
“Is that right?” Percy looks at me. “I thought she was your sister’s roommate.”
“She is, and that’s why G never invites me over. She didn’t want me ruining her friendships anymore.”
“You’ve got yourself in a pickle,” Blue laughs.
“Do you ruin all her friendships?” Percy asks.
I don’t answer that. “G won’t tell me what she’s sick with, but she took her to urgent care. I haven’t heard from her since, and that was Saturday.”
Blue asks, “She went through the tutoring center to cancel?”
I nod.
“That’s cold.”
“Right?” I turn to him, happy to have someone who understands. “Exactly what I thought.”
“You like this girl?” Blue asks curiously while taking another bite.
Percy answers for me, “Man didn’t even need a week to kiss her.”
I shake my head at myself. “I only saw her three times. Two of them for tutoring, and then at the party.”
Blue’s eyebrows reach his hairline. “What the hell, bro? You’re kissing her after only meeting her three times, and you’re wondering why she’s canceling the tutor session today.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“Big time,” Blue adds. “But if you really like her––”
Percy says, “He doesn’t even know her.”
Blue says to him. “Let the man talk for himself. Do you like her?”
I stare at the counter. “Well, Percy’s right. I don’t know her that well, but I –– I’m attracted to her. And she’s easy to talk to. I like being around her.”
Blue says, eyeing his sandwich. “You already kissed her, and it’s been days since you’ve talked to her. She canceled on you today. So, you have two options.”
I look at him. I like where this is going. I need options. “What’re my options?”
“Go to her house.”
I shake my head. “My sister will kill me.”
“So, it’s a secret from your sister?”
I nod. “Until I know where we stand. I don’t need my sister involved until I know where we stand.”
“Fair. Second option is just to wait for the next tutoring session.”
Percy points at him. “That’s your only option in my book.”
“Percy is saying that because she’s probably freaking out that her roommate’s brother kissed her after only just meeting him.”
I exhale. “Fuck.” He’s right. I point at Percy and then drop my hand. “I’m going with Percy on this one. I can’t go over there.”
Blue shrugs, finishing his sandwich. “It was my best option.”
“So Thursday?” Percy asks.
I nod. “Thursday.”
I walk away and hear Percy say to Blue, “He likes her.”
Blue replies back. “He likes her.”
Fuckers.