Chapter 35
Lucy
Gianna comes out of the bathroom in a white t-shirt she’s had for two years and a pair of sweatpants.
She drops onto the couch on my left and pulls the blanket over both our laps.
Love Island is on the TV. There are two pints of ice cream open on the coffee table, both with spoons sticking out of them.
Mine is mint chocolate chip. Hers is the cookies and cream.
She picks her pint up off the coffee table and looks over with the spoon halfway to her mouth.
“So,” she says like she has something to say but is hesitating. “I have to tell you something.”
I pick up my mint chocolate ice cream. “Okay.”
She quickly adds, “But you can’t tell Benson.”
I go still. Last week I spent five days being the secret between her and her brother, and I am not doing it again.
She sees my face and walks it back fast. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
“Gianna.”
“No, really. Forget it.”
“Just tell me.”
She takes a bite and then looks at me. “Pinky promise first.”
I stick out my pinky. She hooks hers around mine.
“Okay.” She exhales like she’s getting ready to tell me something crazy.
“What is it?” I ask, starting to feel a little worried.
She mutters, “I have a crush.”
I exhale. A crush. That I can handle.
“On who?” I ask, feeling my mood turn around. It’s always fun when she has a crush. She becomes obsessed and talks about him nonstop.
“Someone on the team.”
I slam my hand down on the couch. “Shut up!”
“I know.” She gives me a forced smile.
“Gianna,” I scoff, bouncing on the couch in excitement. “Don’t tell me it’s Stanley.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “No.”
“Okay,” I sigh. “I thought I was gonna have to talk you off a ledge.”
“I would never. I love him as a person like a brother, but I would never have a crush on him.”
I nod in agreement, taking another bite of ice cream.
“Guess again,” she says.
Oh, we’re playing this game. I take a moment to think. She takes care of the equipment, which means it could be any hockey player on the team. “Is he just on the team or is he a boy at the Hawthorne House?”
She shrugs.
I narrow my eyes. “Is it Percy?”
“Percy is the most polite person on planet earth, and I would have to be polite back which means I would die.”
I ask, “You would die from being polite.”
She nods. “I would shrivel up.”
I blink. “Okay.”
“He would have to be able to handle my brother,” she says with big eyes. “Otherwise, I can’t waste my time.”
I look over at her and wonder who on earth could take on Benson Reeve. Maybe I’m biased, but he’s massive. He’s tall, muscular, and is rational. Nobody can mess with a man that’s rational. He’s always one step ahead.
“Does he like you back?”
She shakes her head. “It’s just an one-sided crush for now. He may have given me two minutes of his time, and now I’m like –– in love. He has a good smile, and he can cook.”
I sit with that for half a second. “Rowan?”
She squeezes her eyes shut and nods.
“G!”
“I know.” She looks overly excited to tell me this bit of information.
“Rowan?” I ask again. No way.
She nods. “He’s so nice. I don’t have his number or anything, but––” she shrugs, “I have my eyes on him. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”
I shake my head. “No, the boys follow the Hawthorne House rules.”
She deadpans. “Not Benson.”
I roll my eyes.
She continues, “He broke the rules, so now the boys are going to follow suit.”
I wince. “You think so? They seem to have a strong pact.”
“It’s their senior year, Lucy. That’s the best time to Camdenk the rules.”
I smile. “Yeah, true.”
Then the thought of Benson leaving soon hits me. It’s not an emotion I’m ready to deal with, so I shove it down.
“Rowan is nice,” I say. “He actually invited me to dinner tonight, but I canceled because I made plans with you instead.” I frown, feeling bad about it.
“Do you think he’s inviting you so that you bring me?”
I blink.
“No,” she says to herself. “No, don’t let me over there. He seriously only talked to me for two minutes about the equipment, so I have a serious problem. I’m only going to the Hawthorne House for a party. That’s it.”
I nod. “Okay.”
She puts out a pinky. “I promise. I don’t want my brother on my case about it.”
I nod. “Okay.”
We watch the rest of the episode. Neither of us is paying attention. Gianna is going pink at the cheeks every twenty seconds when she remembers she has just told me about Rowan. I am thinking about Benson nonstop.
Around eleven, we put the lids back on the pints and put them in the freezer. She turns the TV off. She hugs me at the doorway to my bedroom. The hug is short and warmer than any hug she has given me in three weeks.
“Goodnight, Lucy. I’m happy you’re back.”
“Night, G. Me too.”
She smiles. “You make my brother really happy.”
I shyly smile back. “He makes me happy too.”
My bed is cold. I spent two nights in a row with Benson’s warm body around me, and I’m yearning for that right now. I grab my phone. He already texted.
Benson: Goodnight, baby. I wish you were here.
I hug my phone and close my eyes. Me too.
I wake to a text from Benson.
Benson: On the bus now. Benson: Hawthorne boys say hi. Benson: I already miss you.
My heart tugs. How can this man pull at my heartstrings through a few text messages? I grin at the phone as I type.
Me: Miss you. Play well. Don’t let Stanley sing.Benson: Too late. He’s singing Maroon 5.
When I don’t reply after a few minutes, I receive another notification.
Benson: Don’t go. Text me, : Text you what?Benson: Anything. Tell me your : I have to get ready for class.Benson: What are you wearing?Me: Pajamas.Benson: The ones I had my mouth on?Me: Maybe.Benson: Send a pic.
He can’t be serious. Another text message comes through, and he sends me a selfie of him on the bus in his sweatpants. I chew my bottom lip when I see his bulge. I snap a quick photo of me lying in bed in my pajamas.
Me: Happy?Benson: Very much.
I attend my Friday classes while staying glued to my phone.
Benson texts me nonstop nonsense, and I’m playing along.
We’re learning more about each other over texts, and it feels surreal that we are this obsessed with each other.
It’s fair to say that I cannot stop reaching for my phone because I want to see what he says next.
He asks me questions that require me to think, and I ask him thoughtful ones back.
When I’m at the tutoring center, helping students, my phone keeps buzzing in my pocket. When they start working on a problem, I’m quickly texting him back. It’s like I’m starving for his attention.
At two-thirty, Bear texts me.
Bear: Come over for dinner : I will be there.
I drive there at four. Benson said he reached the hotel room and is going downstairs to eat, so we take a Camdenk from texting.
The drive to my mom’s house feels a lot different than what it did a couple of months ago, and the weight lifted off my chest is one I didn’t know I needed.
It feels liberating and freeing. I play Benson’s playlist on the drive and don’t skip a single song.
Bear opens the door when I park. Seeing him brings a smile to my face. I haven’t been here since the fiasco with Gianna, and it feels good to be back with my life sorted.
“Hi, Bear.”
“You came.”
I nod, knowing it’s his way of saying he missed me. “I’m here, and I’m going to kick your butt on Rabbids.”
He chuckles. “No, you won’t.”
“Yeah? Wanna bet?”
“Yeah. If I win, you have to go out and get me ice cream.”
I scoff. “Fine. And if I win––” I start to say, but I can’t think of anything. “I have to think about that.” I walk into the house and say, “It smells amazing in here.”
The house smells like garlic and tomato, like it’s been roasting for hours.
“Lasagna?”
“Yup,” Bear says behind me.
Tyr is in the kitchen pulling the pan out of the oven with two oven mitts.
Mom is in the dining room setting plates at the table.
She has on the green sweater she has been wearing.
Her hair is down. The sight melts my heart.
She crosses the room when she sees me. She hugs me at the door.
The hug is short, but it’s warm and welcoming. I feel loved.
“Hi, baby,” she says.
I smile. “Hi, Mom.”
She looks at me. “You look good.”
“You, too.”
She smiles at that.
“You look really good, Mom. Happy.”
She hugs me again. “Did you figure things out with Gianna?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m back.”
She scrunches her nose. “I knew you two would figure it out.”
I touch her arm as she walks off. Little does she know that this simple conversation is all I ever wanted between us. I watch her finish setting the table and keep my smile to myself. It feels like a piece of me has healed. I look over at Tyr.
“Lucy,” he says. “How’s it going, mathematician?”
I chuckle. “Hi, Tyr. I’m good. Thanks for dinner. It smells great.”
Tyr cuts the lasagna and serves it. Mom pours wine for herself and Tyr and then sparkling water for me and Bear. Bear is on his second piece before the rest of us have started ours.
Tyr tells a story about a guy whose basement he renovated last spring. Mom asks me about my classes. She asks follow-up questions. She asks me about tutoring and tells me that she hopes I’m saving my money. I tell her that I am.
Halfway through dinner, she sets her fork down.
“Lucy, guess what?”
I look up and slightly panic. I hate when people do this guessing game. “What is it?”
Tyr is looking at his plate. Bear is on his third piece of lasagna, on the iPad, and not listening.
She says, “I started a new job this week.”
I almost fall over. “What?” I say Camdenthless even though I heard her.
“The dental office on Seventh Street. Front desk. Three days a week.”
“Mom.” I feel my heart racing. “That’s so awesome.” I light up from the inside. My mom used to be a dental hygienist and then she didn’t keep up with her license because she had Bear. “Really? That’s amazing.”
She nods. “I didn’t want to tell you that I applied everywhere because I kept not getting calls back, but this one called back.”
I beam. “I’m so happy for you.”
She nods. “I knew you would be.”
“No, really, Mom. That’s great.”
She picks up her fork and eats another bite of lasagna.
I look at Tyr who’s looking at my mom. They have a silent communication, and I know he’s the one who nudged her to do it. Even if he won’t take any credit, I owe him a lot of credit for what he’s done for our family. It feels like a real family.
After dinner, Tyr and Mom clean up while me and Bear setup the Switch to play Rabbids.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Bear asks me.
I shake my head, and then I think better of it. “It’s not official,” I say, hating how that sounds. Benson texted me all day, and he’s blowing up my phone right now. I would say that it feels like we are, but there hasn’t been anything official yet.
He sets up the game and says, “Are you not going to come here anymore?”
“Why do you say that?”
“You didn’t come on Wednesday,” he says. “And if Tyr wasn’t here,” he whispers, “I know you would have come no matter what.”
He’s right, and I hate that he’s right.
I lean in and say, “I won’t miss another Wednesday, okay.”
He nods.
“I promise.”
We turn to the game, and I register that Mom and Tyr are a new thing. Sure, it’s been a couple of months, but it’s still new. We’re not exactly adjusted to my mom’s behavior yet, so he still needs me. I’m okay with being needed here. He’s my brother, and I would do anything for him.
The game starts, and we’re both trying our hardest to win.
Of course, he smashes me in every game we play.
I do not win a single one. Bear begs my mom to come with me to buy ice cream from the store.
She lets us go, and when we return, we sit on the couch, eat the entire thing of ice cream, and watch a movie.
I text Benson all night, and then I let Gianna know that I played Rabbids for too long and plan to stay the night here.
My mom gives me the blanket for the couch. Me and Bear play past midnight. It’s the kind of night I needed as a child and that is healing as an adult. I’ll remember this forever. Bear falls asleep on the other end of the couch, and I stare at him until I fall asleep.