Chapter 7
Pernelle
Two weeks later
When we were released from the hospital two weeks ago, Ciara, Hov, and Crew packed us into the car like we were some top-secret celebrities and pulled off like we were running from something. They said we weren’t, but the way they moved said otherwise.
Amir did not actually drop me off in Hov and Ciara’s yard that night. I had him let me out about two blocks away, and I walked the rest of the way, collapsing by the time I got there. That was something they didn’t know at the time, but once I told them, they were happy I’d thought it through.
When we got to Hov and Ciara’s place, they already had a room set up for me across the hall from the restroom.
The room smelled clean, like fresh laundry, and the scent of baby powder filled it even before we settled in.
They had a bassinet that sat right next to the bed, already lined with tiny blankets, folded neatly, as if someone had taken their time to place them there.
It was a small changing table tucked against the wall, stacked with Huggies brand Pampers underneath, along with wipes, rash cream, and extra onesies organized by color.
They even had a brand new phone waiting on the dresser for me since the Quatar family had taken mine.
It looked like Ciara had been preparing for this baby even before she knew that she needed to, and that’s why I would lay down and die for my best friend.
I could’ve gone home, but being alone didn’t feel right, and going anywhere Crew owned was out of the question.
Deep down, I still didn’t feel safe, but I did know how much Hov cared about Ciara, and I trusted that kind of love.
He was genuine with his so I’m sure he would actually protect her, which means I will be protected here too.
When my mother reached out about the baby, I told her to come up to the hospital to see her.
She came doting over my baby like there was no tomorrow, and was completely over me embarrassing her at that baby shower.
Princeton came up there, too, calling my baby “little chicken head.” I told my baby, right in front of him, that she had to excuse her Uncle Princeton, but I know he was just poking fun.
He kept staring at her and asking questions about her.
I even caught a glimpse of a photo he took of her on his screensaver, which really touched my heart.
His screen saver had been LeBron James for years.
Thus far, everyone was treating my baby like a princess, but especially Ciara, who was there for me, morning, noon, and night.
I was currently sitting on the bed holding my baby with Crew not even two inches away from us, on the edge, staring out the window like he was on guard.
He wanted to hold the baby every five minutes since we got here, and he was probably the most hooked on her.
It was actually cute to see, but nothing he did was supposed to be cute to me right now.
I wasn’t being as mean to him as I was at first, but I still felt a way about how everything had gone down.
“Do you need me to get her while you go to the restroom or anything?” Crew asked.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll let you know if I need you. I mean, you can go home if you want to. I’m sure Ciara and Hov don’t mind helping me.”
“Why would I want them helping you? I’m her father.”
“You don’t have to keep saying it. I know who her father is.”
“Well, it seems like you’d rather have any nigga on this earth be her father than me. Shit, I didn’t even have any say in naming her.”
I shrugged my shoulders because he was bringing up the same issue he brought up once a day.
A knock came at the door, and I shouted for them to come in.
Ciara popped her head inside.
“Hey, I’m about to go sit out in the garden if you want to come get a little fresh air. There’s a heated lamp out there, and it’s closed in, so the wind won’t bother you.”
“Sure, I’ll come. Well, if her dad will take her.”
“Of course I will. Come on, princess.”
A smile spread across his face.
Crew refused to refer to her as Amira, even though that was the name on her birth certificate. Oh well, he can stay mad forever, and keep calling her princess, or Pretty girl, like he’d been doing. Amira is her name and I'm not changing it. He has free range to give her a middle name if he wants.
I bundled up in a sweater and some joggers and walked out to Ciara in her garden area.
It was actually comfortable as hell out here, and it looked almost like a glasshouse, with plants and vegetables, two chairs, and a heating lamp sitting between the chairs.
It was so warm in here that I eventually slipped out of my jacket.
Ciara sat back, looking over the greenery, sipping tea from her cup.
“If you want, I can make you some. I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it at first.”
“Oh, you know I don’t like tea, girl. I’m more of a soda type.”
“Yeah, I know, but this tea really helped with my cramps after my miscarriage, and it taste so good.”
“Ciara, thank you so much for welcoming Amira and me here, even with what happened to your baby.”
“No, it’s okay. You have no idea what you and her being here is doing for me. Just looking at her little feet make me happy. She’s been a welcoming distraction for sure.”
Ciara scrunched her shoulders up. She was so good with Amira that I knew she would be a great mother once she and Hov had a baby.
I’ve started praying for them every night to conceive, just like I pray for me and Amira’s safety.
I don’t know a couple that deserves to be parents more than they do.
Shit, when I think about it, they deserve the title of being Godparents right now.
Forget waiting to ask in an extravagant way.
“Can I ask you something, Ciara?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Well, in my head, I wanted to ask in an extra extravagant, cute, TikTok-worthy way, but.”
Her and I shared a brief laugh.
“But for real, I just want this moment to be genuine if nothing else. All that flashy shit is for show anyway, and this will be coming from my heart. So, I wanted to ask you, will you be Amira’s godmother?
I can’t think of anyone else in this world I would trust my baby with if something happens to me. ”
Ciara put her hand over her mouth and shook her head, like she was fighting back tears.
“Bitch, please don’t make me cry out here. It’s too cold,” she laughed. “But of course, I will be her godmother. Shit, if I’m being honest, I was already calling her my baby anyway.”
“Well, good, and I’ll ask Hov about being the godfather when I see him.”
“Girl, you know he is going to say yes. He loves that little girl just as much as I do.”
“He does?”
“Yes. He hears her crying and it puts him on alert.”
I touched my chest.
I was only surprised because Hov wasn’t one to show many emotions. The most emotion I saw out of him was when he was kissing Ciara’s ass, which was adorable as hell. I loved it when he referred to her as “Mama.”
“But, yes. He keeps talking about how pretty she is and how he can’t believe Crew is a father.
You know they had their little disagreement, but Hov loves Crew like a brother.
Just as much as I love you. Well, not just as much, because you’re my girl, and where they would die with each other, I would die for your ass. ”
We laughed.
“So, are you and Hov doing okay? Especially with the loss you guys have recently? I know you two didn’t get the proper chance to grieve, with me showing up at your doorsteps with my own problems.”
“Yes, we are good. We’re trying to find a happy place again, even though I can tell he’s still angry inside about everything that happened. Both he and Crew are, but that is why we both have to show them a little grace right now.”
“Grace? I don’t think so.”
“I’m serious, P. As much as you may not like it, we are both involved with two very dangerous men who do dangerous things, and we have to keep them grounded so that they won't lose control.”
“But there is a huge difference you are forgetting. You are married to your dangerous man. I just happened to have fucked my dangerous man and made a baby with him. I don’t feel an actual connection to Crew because we never tried to make one. It’s just been sex, and now a baby shared between us.”
I leaned back in my seat, staring up at the sky through the glass roof.
“I just can’t stop thinking about that night, Ci. That, along with what Crew was doing and who he was doing it with. I bet it was some bottom-of-the-barrel bitch that he was fucking with that night who wasn’t worth shit.”
Ciara twisted her lips to the side with an uncomfortable look on her face.
“Ciara, is there something you want to say?” I leaned forward in my seat. “I mean, do you know who he was with? He was at the party with y’all, now that I think about it. Did you see who he left with?”
“To be honest with you, I did, and I’m only telling you this because I’m loyal to you, just like Hov is loyal to Crew. I know who he was with, and unfortunately, she is not the bottom of the barrel friend.”
“Well, who is she? Come on, tell me.” I begged her for the information.
“Pernelle, please don’t tell him I told you anything, because I don’t want to hear Hov’s mouth about me gossiping.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
“Well, her name is Bria, and she’s Hov’s lawyer.”
“His lawyer?” I blinked. “That’s who Crew was fucking with? A lawyer?”
“Yes. I guess. I mean, I didn’t even know they had anything going on until they were all on each other at the party before the shooting happened. Then they left together.”
“Oh wow. So, he’s fucking a lawyer. Interesting.”