Chapter 13
Crew
I knew if I didn’t come over to see Cashmier and my son, I was going to have to hear more of her mouth through text messages.
I wasn’t trying to abandon my son. I just had other shit going on, and dealing with her was never something I looked forward to doing.
Still, today I swallowed my pride because my son needed to know me.
I’m too tough to let a bitch scare me away from my responsibilities.
When I knocked on the door, it only took a few seconds before she swung it open, wearing a bonnet and sunglasses, which wasn’t like her.
“What the fuck going on with yo ass?”
“Don’t even ask Crew, your son is on the couch.”
She walked off, and I could already tell her attitude was fucked up today.
I walked in and saw my baby boy lying out on the couch, and I picked him up and held him close to my chest as I stroked his hair just as I did Amira’s.
It however, was something about right now that didn’t feel the same as when I did it to my daughter.
I didn’t get the same feeling I got from that sense of protection that kicked in when around her.
I’m sure that is just on me, though. I hate his mother, and I’m letting it affect the way I love him.
“He’s been eating good, I see. These clothes getting a little tight on him already.”
“Yeah. He eats just like you.”
“I bet, but why are you in a bonnet and sunglasses in the house tho? What’s wrong with you? Did a nigga beat your ass or something?” She sat down on the couch beside us.
“Of course not. I don’t deal with any men other than you, and I only deal with you because you are my baby’s dad.”
“Oh, well, take those fucking glasses off. I don’t like talking to people when I can’t see their eyes.”
“No, I’m not taking off my glasses.”
I reached over and snatched them off her face anyway.
Once I did, I was tripped out because Cashmier looked like a monster from a horror movie. One side of her forehead was blistered, her eyebrows were completely gone, and it didn’t look like her ass even had edges under that hat now that I look.
“Your ass got cancer or something?”
“No. I don’t have fucking cancer, Crew. I got burned.”
“How?”
“I was cooking, and a fire started.”
“Damn. That’s fucked up. You should’ve known to stay out of the kitchen when your ass can’t cook.”
“Yep, I should have, but now I look crazy. My mom, however, knows a plastic surgeon. He's going to fix all of this, so I won’t be looking crazy for too long.”
She replied, and I left it at that because I can tell she was fucked up about the way she looked.
Cashmier always been a bitch who was overly into herself, and I’ve never seen her not fixed up until after Hov left her ass, and even then, she still had that natural beauty about her.
I’m not going to beat her down about the shit, even though I should, with the way she makes other people’s lives hell.
Cashmier and I sat in an awkward silence after that as I held my son until my phone rang and my mama’s number popped up on the screen. I handed the baby to her and stepped onto the patio.
“Yeah, mama? What’s up?”
“Hey, you busy, baby?”
“Not really. Just visiting my son. What’s up?”
“I was calling to let you know that Gio is awake.”
“Oh, is he snitching yet?”
“No, but he is asking for you.”
“Asking for me for what? He want me to come finish him off?”
“No, of course not. He said that he wants to talk to you.”
“Hell no, I’m not walking into no trap.”
“It’s no trap, baby. Trust your mother.”
“I trust you, but not him.”
“Well, if you don’t want to come over here to talk to him, could you at least talk to him on the phone?”
“Yeah, I guess. Give me his number, and I’ll call him when I can.”
“I got something better. He’s right here. I can hand him over the phone.
I heard movements before I heard him clearing his throat, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to hang up on my mama.
“Hello?”
“Hello, what do you want?”
I snapped back because I was still on that type of timing.
“Listen, son.”
“I’m not your son.”
“That’s what you think, but your mama is saying otherwise. There is a way to prove if you are or not, and, no matter how mad I am for what you did, if we're family, we're family and would be close family at that, so I could forgive you.”
“Nigga, since when has family mattered to you? You're the same man who tried to kill your nephew at your brother’s funeral.”
“That’s because I was mad, angry, pissed off. Plus, you know Jehovah would’ve killed me too because he was angry about his father. We both were, but that is a part of why I’m back in New York. I have too many open issues that need to be settled.”
“Nah, you only came back here to set me up. Tell the truth.”
“Look, I thought I was doing the right thing, but God keeps showing me otherwise. First, I lost my brother, then my mother’s love years ago, then I lost all my money and was broke, wandering the streets, having to come up like I never had shit.
I was in Jersey working like a slave on cars until I got linked up with a drug dealer named Benzo, who hooked me up with some work.
I came up off that work, moved to upstate New York, and continued to come up, so far up that the feds started looking into that entire operation then I got busted, and offered me fifteen years if I didn’t give them someone better.
You know that snitching is the new get out of jail free card. ”
He went silent, and I sat silent too because I didn’t have shit to say so far.
“Crew, I’m not sure if you ever been down before, but when your back is against the wall, everyone and everything feels like pressure keeping you stuck.
That’s why I put a lot of blame on my nephew.
I hated Jehovah even more once I got busted because I told myself that had he not run me off, I wouldn’t have been in a city where selling drugs put you under a microscope.
So, I can be honest and tell you that I wanted him to go down first and everything else around him, to follow.
I thought I knew what I was doing coming here to try and get collateral for my freedom, but those bullets you put in me showed me I had no clue what I was doing or who I was dealing with.
Like I told your mother I tried to set you boys up because in my head it was my freedom or y’all.
That along with envy for Hov had me doing a lot of stupid shit, but again, there is nothing in me that could ever make me give up my son.
I mean, I thought I didn’t have any kids, so of course, the first one I have will be special to me. ”
“Gio, I’m not your kid.”
“Yes, you are, and it didn’t sink in until your mama told me. All I’m asking for is a test. If you are my son, you can hate me forever, but I’m never hating you, and I’m never putting you in a position to lose.”
“So, if you’re not my father, then there is a chance that you will still send me to jail?”
“Not at all. Getting shot and lying in this bed showed me I was living recklessly. Moving recklessly. Going against people I couldn’t beat. You showed me that. You are one of a kind, son. Anyone who will pop someone in front of their mother is a bad mutha fucka.”
I didn’t respond as he chuckled.
“So, let’s do the test. If you’re my family, I want to know.”
“He is yours, Gio.” I heard my mama in the background still pushing it.
“I understand, Debbie. But without paperwork, he’ll never believe it. So set it up, Crew. Finding that out will be step one of me making this shit right.”
“I hear you.”
“Will you do it?”
“Yeah, I’ll set it up. But I’m telling you now that the test is not going to change shit for me.”
“Well, it will for me. I hope to talk to you later Crew.”
“Yeah, whatever nigga.”
I hung up the phone.
I stepped back inside because it was cold as hell outside, and I still had to think about whether I even wanted to do the test or not.
I passed up Cashmier, who was changing King’s diaper, and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, which was that expensive ass Evian shit she liked to drink.
I sat back against the counter for a minute just thinking of the what-ifs that were happening right now, and that’s when I glanced around the kitchen, and something hit me.
This kitchen looked untouched, to say there was supposedly a fire big enough to burn all the hair off of Cashmier’s face.
There was no soot on the walls, no scorch marks on the cabinets, and no warped appliances.
The counters were clean. The ceiling was clean.
The stove didn’t look like it had been through shit.
Was that bitch lying about what happened to her face?
I walked back into the living room and grabbed my coat from the couch. I was way too thrown off after talking to Gio to sit in someone else's house I didn’t really trust.
“You’re leaving already? You just got here?”
“Yeah, I am. I have to go. I’ll be back to get him tomorrow.”
“What do you mean, get him tomorrow? I don’t think I’m ready to let him go with anyone.”
I turned, after swinging my coat around.
“If I’m his father, I’m not just anyone.”
“What do you mean by, if, Crew? You are.”
“Exactly, so I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I replied, going out of the door with more on my mind than I came in here with. I just want to see P and my baby girl right now. I know they will take my mind off of all the other shit going on in the world right now.
They had that affect on me and it's sad to say that King and Cashmier didn't.