Chapter 4 #2
"It means I've matured while you're still worried about fucking bitches and simply getting paper.
Don't get me wrong, the paper is still a top priority, but I don't want it so bad anymore that I'll die about that shit. Because if I die about it, then that means that I loved it more than my wife, who I would be leaving behind. You see, Crew, it was okay for us to be reckless all those years in the past because other than for the love of money, living didn’t fucking matter to us. We didn’t give a fuck whether we lived or we died as long as we balled. "
Hov finally looked in my eyes in the heat of his lecture.
"Crew, you have to give a fuck about something one day or all that background bullshit is going to be why you are in jail or in the fuckin ground."
"Don't speak that shit over me nigga. I'm very aware of what the fuck I do and how I do it. You tell me all the time I’m the best at killing niggas and having my way around the city. So why change now? Because you got married?"
"Nah, because you are more reckless these days than you ever been, and it’s good for your business, but bad for you in the long run nigga. You just shot up the steps of the courthouse on the back of a fucking bike in your killing jacket like it was nothing."
I don't know why, but that shit made me chuckle. He called it a killing jacket.
"But I'm serious nigga. I can't be around niggas who have nothing to lose because then I'll lose it all."
"Hov what the fuck are you talking about? I got shit to lose; nigga I got family too."
"Not like the family I got. When you get a wife of your own, you will see that you could take a much bigger loss than just some family. With Ciara pregnant now, I."
"Ciara pregnant, since when?"
Hov's stern demeanor chilled for a moment, and a smile came across his face.
"This afternoon she was feeling nauseous after we got home, and I thought it was because of the shooting, but she mentioned her cycle hadn't come, so she took a test, and long story short, I'm going to be a father."
Hov smiled and shook his head in that happy kind of denial. I know he was supposed to be a father once before, but the look on his face right now showed me that he was confident and happy about this time. Cashmier was lying, but from everything I know about Ciara, she wouldn’t.
"Well, congrats nigga, and I know you're going to hold that fatherhood shit down like no other."
"Appreciate it, man. Shit, one day I know you can be a great father too. That's if you put being a father before the streets. We are already rich, Crew. Trying to get richer is just greed."
"Nah, you rich nigga. I came into the game late, and I don't have all that you have. Plus, with you cutting me off, I see that I'm nowhere near as independent as I need to be."
"You would be independent if you had someone in your life who actually cares about you and grounds your ass. Tell you when you are tripping."
"My mama does that every day."
Hov shook his head.
"It's not your mama's fuckin job to watch out for you for life, Crew."
"So, you're telling me I need to do what you did. Settle down with some chick and get married within a year."
"Ciara and I met because of destiny. No, I don't like the way our story started, but it's going to be a happy fuckin ending to it.
Once you feel what I'm saying, then we can be gang again, but until then, I don't think we have shit in common but the streets.
And with a baby coming by my wife, the streets are going to take a back seat to that.
Nah, I'm not going completely clean or pussy.
I'm just trying to survive for my family.
You need to build one and do the same, and then our empire can go back to ruling. Especially for our kids."
“Our kids? Nigga, I don’t have a kid.”
“Shit, from what I’m hearing, you may have two.”
“If you are referring to Cashmier kid, that baby ain’t mine. I’m sure of it.”
“What, you took a test or something?”
“Nah, shit I thought it was you for the longest.”
“Hell nah, if Cashmier’s baby was mine, he would be in the backseat of that car instead of with her crazy ass. I’m not talking about her, though.” Hov spat onto the concrete because I’m sure saying that bitch name put a sour taste in his mouth.
“Well, who else are you talking about because you said two babies?”
“I’m talking about Pernelle, too. Ciara’s homegirl. She pregnant with your kid.”
My head shot back in confusion. What the hell did this nigga just say?
“How do you know it’s by me?”
“Well, we know it’s not by her ex-bitch. She said it’s by you. She told Ciara you were the only person who could be the father, and I’m sure she wouldn’t lie to her. They pretty tight.”
I laughed because the shit was actually funny to me.
“Why am I the last to hear about this shit if she is pregnant by me? Who knows who that girl was fuckin anyway?”
“Yeah, who knows. But I would want to know if she’s having my daughter. That’s just me though.”
All I could do was shake my head, because this shit sounded way too fuckin much for me to comprehend in just five minutes.
“But I’m about to roll though nigga. Take care of your businessman. Remember, a boss ass nigga can’t claim that title if he is a deadbeat.”
I nodded my head before I remembered I had some shit that I needed to tell him. Some shit that I’m sure would set his cool, calm ass on fire.
“Your uncle Gio is back in New York. I’m not sure what he is up to, but he is hanging around my people. Too close to my fam if you ask me.”
Hov shrugged his shoulder.
“Man, fuck Gio. That nigga a small thing to a giant now. He can’t infringe on my grandma's house because Ciara and I are there, so I'm sure that his ass is just around scheming up on other shit. He’s probably looking for some bitch to use or person to get over on. He will be gone again soon, especially since he knows he will never be good with me.”
“Yeah, you right.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. Thinking about anyone getting over on my Mama had me stressed and ready to kill at this fuckin moment. Then, Pernelle supposedly became pregnant with my baby. I barely even know that hoe. How the fuck are we supposed to coparent a kid?
When Hov got inside his car and sped away, I couldn’t help but feel a way standing there.
Who knows if me and that nigga will ever be the same because him saying I needed to settle down was a long shot for a nigga like me.
The truth of the matter is, I feel like I have too much built up karma waiting to pass it down to a wife or innocent children.
If these kids are mine, then they are going to need to be prayed for every day, and that’s just me being real.
With all this shit Hov just laid on me I need a smoke break or even a couple of nuts to blow off steam. I’m sure club RAW can help with that. I don’t even have to stick my dick in them bitches, but I always leave out of feeling relieved.