36. The Big Bad Wolf
Chapter 36
The Big Bad Wolf
Bonnie
The first thing I notice when Rafe walks me back to his office is how loosely he’s holding my hand. It’s not the only time he’s done that this morning, and I didn’t like it earlier either.
The floorboards creak beneath us as he crosses behind his desk. He takes a seat in the squeaking chair, leaning his elbow on the arm’s chair and peering up at me with a finger rested against his temple. With his other hand, he gestures to the seat on the other side of the desk.
My face screws up. The whole scene is too formal, like a boss in a performance review meeting for his employee. We’re so much more than that.
I cross my arms and stick out my leg in defiance, continuing to stand.
“I’d like to talk,” he says.
“All right then, talk.”
He sighs. “Bonnie, can you please sit?”
“No.”
I’m being petulant. I know I am. But my heart is pounding in my chest, and it’s all I can do to not sink into it and let the fear overtake me.
I don’t like how he’s looking at me.
I don’t like how his eyebrows turn in.
We were happy yesterday, weren’t we? We were kissing in his bed less than forty-eight hours ago.
So, why does he look like he’s about to break my heart?
“Fine then,” he says matter-of-factly, pushing his chair out and rising to his feet. “We’ll talk standing.”
He’s so much taller than me. He’s so much more intimidating when he wants to be.
I stick out my chin anyway. “Well, go on.”
I know what he’s going to say. He knows it too. Something changed between Saturday and today, and I have a feeling there’s nothing I can do about it.
Was it Peter? Was it the locals giving us weird looks? Was it seeing my art studio and realizing how much I admired him? How I’d been such a lovesick girl?
Rafe finally exhales to break the tense silence. “This is complicated.”
My arms tighten in front of my chest.
“You mean, I’m too complicated,” I correct him.
He furrows his brow. “No. That’s not what I mean at all.” He closes his eyes in concentration. “We shouldn’t have done this.” They flick open. “ I shouldn’t have done this.”
“Done what exactly?”
He sighs. “I knew I should have stayed away. I knew you felt something for me, even when I hired you. And I still did it.”
“You gave me an internship when I needed one.”
“I should have helped in another way. Given you advice or connections. It was selfish of me.”
I squint. “What are you talking about?”
“You should have left Never Harbor instead,” he says. “You should have done more. You deserve more than me.”
Then, it settles in me what he’s implying. This has nothing to do with my age or how long I’ve crushed on him. This is about his own insecurities. This is about him not feeling he’s good enough for me, and we both know that’s bullshit.
He swallows. “I kept you for myself and then took advantage of you.”
I blink multiple times, trying to cling to that word. “Took advantage ?” I don’t believe it. “You don’t have a cruel bone in your body. I know you don’t.”
“I was the older one in the relationship; I should have known that?—”
“And I’m not a child, Rafe.”
His jaw tenses. “I know that. But I’m your boss. I shouldn’t have indulged in?—”
“ Indulged ? Like I’m ice cream?”
“Stop interrupting me.”
I scoff. “You gonna punish me, Big Bad? Gonna teach me all about that next?”
“Shiv.”
“Sorry,” I sneer, not sorry at all. “But I have to correct you when you’re saying such ridiculous things, Rafe.”
His nostrils flare, but he doesn’t argue. He knows he’s being ridiculous. He knows this wasn’t our situation. But it’s my brother’s words—maybe his dad’s words—biting at his heels. Not good enough. A disappointment. A burden. It’s those words making him feel guilty for something he didn’t do.
I shift from one foot to the other, running my tongue over my teeth.
“Just say what you need to say. Are you breaking up with me?”
His eyebrows furrow. “That would require us being a couple.”
My heart stumbles, toppling down to my stomach and my shaking knees.
“We’re not in a relationship. I made that clear from day one.”
He’s saying these words, but I see his chin trembling. He keeps averting his eyes to the wall with framed band posters.
He doesn’t believe a word of this, and neither do I.
“Not in a relationship?” I echo in disbelief. I glance at his hand. My museum ring is still there, nestled onto his middle finger. I grit my teeth. “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“I’m your mentor, and that’s all we should be,” he snaps. He starts messing with papers on his desk. There’s nothing for him to look at. “I think you should take the day off, and we’ll reconvene tomorrow.”
My mouth falls open before snapping shut. “Screw you.” I snatch my purse off the hook on the wall, slinging it over my shoulder, letting it thwack against my thigh. “If you’re gonna fire me, then I’ll get out of your hair.”
Rafe looks up at me through furrowed eyebrows. It’s menacing. I’d be turned on if I wasn’t so furious.
“I didn’t say that,” he snaps. “I said you should take the day and—where are you?—”
I’m already striding to the front of the shop, pulling at the door, only to realize it’s locked. I smack the handle in frustration, fumbling with the dead bolt and throwing open the door.
“Bonnie!” he calls after me. I can hear the growl in his throat as he draws closer.
I’m already in the street, turning on my heel to watch as Rafe strides out of Ink look at me. We’re talking.”
“I am looking at you,” I say, my words choking out. “I always have. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? You think I’m just some … some girl who can’t control her emotions.”
“You’re supposed to be pursuing better things,” he argues. “I’m holding you back.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m no good for you.”
“You’re a better man than anyone I know,” I breathe.
“You can do so much better.”
“Stop pushing me away!” I practically screech, and I swear even the wind stops. Only the distant waves off the coast reply. My shoulders deflate.
Rafe’s eyes dart between mine as he swallows back any words.
I shake my head and turn on my heel to leave once more.
“Don’t walk away from this conversation,” he calls back.
I twist to face him again. “I am. I’m leaving while you get your head on straight.”
His head jerks back in surprise. His eyebrows rise.
I sniff, dragging my sleeve under my nose.
A hesitant hand suddenly lands on my shoulder. I turn and see it’s William Jukes. I shake him off.
“Stop infantilizing me. All of you.” I turn in a circle to take in the eyes of my beloved town. The town who just wants to take care of me, but the same town who doesn’t realize I don’t need to be saved anymore. “I’m an adult. I know what I’m doing, and I know what I want.”
I cut my gaze back to Rafe. “And I want you.”
Rafe’s jaw tenses.
“Not my boss. Not my mentor. Not even the mysterious, tattooed older guy. I want Rafe Cohen. Because I do know you now. And this man is a good man.”
He’s at a loss for words, looking far too beautiful in his despair.
“You always want more in life, but when will you realize that you’re already enough? You’re more than enough.” I swallow and sigh. “You once told me that when you’re in, you’re in,” I say. “Well, I’m in too. And I refuse to abandon you like your dad. Because you’re far from a burden to me.”
His eyebrows tilt inward as he peers at the faces of our neighbors, staring with a mix of equal surprise and concern. I wonder if he’s ever told anyone in town about his dad. Maybe he’s kept that truth hidden from himself as well.
“We’re in this together, Rafe,” I say. “So, go do whatever you need to do, then come back to me when you’re ready to love me like I know you do.”
His eyes snap to mine, and I hold his gaze. I let my eyes sear through his. Because I meant every syllable.
I’ve never said the word love out loud, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I mean it.
I love Rafe, but I haven’t loved him forever. Knowing what I know now, it was simply infatuation before. It was lust. But this new feeling, this aching in my chest that draws me closer to him like a magnet—like the missing piece of my soul he’s so rightfully claimed— that feeling is so much deeper. It’s beyond love.
It’s a man who saw me for who I was and let me become that woman.
“I firmly believe we’re soulmates,” I say. “And you taught me to settle for nothing less.”
With that, I finally walk away. I don’t look back at the staring faces. I don’t steal a second glance at Rafe. I stride the couple of blocks back to my Jeep, where I speed back to my cottage. But I don’t let myself cry. I won’t because this— us —isn’t over.