Chapter 7 Daisy
SEVEN
DAISY
I ran a towel through my wet hair as I wandered through Cash’s bedroom, trying to get my bearings.
To catch up to reality.
To ground myself when I felt like I was floating away.
But I was in Cash’s bedroom.
His room.
It brought back so many memories I didn’t know how to stay rooted in the present.
Yet it was so utterly different.
The light was muted, and the faint glow of the moon filtered in through the window that sat over the large, wooden bed against the far wall. A bed that was covered in a dark blue flannel comforter. The look as rugged and casual as the man.
To the right of the bed was a fireplace in the corner, a large, cushioned chair facing it with a rug underneath.
A dresser sat directly across from it with a television on top.
While his bedroom used to be riddled with treasures—trophies and ribbons and the blatant evidence of Cash’s goals and dreams—this one felt empty. No football paraphernalia in sight. Barren of any pictures or keepsakes.
My stomach ached when I realized he wouldn’t have any. There was nothing remaining.
The children had all been bathed then I’d come in here and taken a shower in Cash’s big shower, his scent all around. Then I’d changed into a clean pair of black sweats and a fitted white tee.
It would have been relaxing, except in the last thirty minutes, my nerves had rebounded. Hitting me full force.
A head-on collision of my past and my present.
Anxiety blustered through my senses.
All of this had become very real, very fast.
I was in Cash Cunningham’s house.
Freaking Cash Cunningham.
My oldest friend.
My best friend.
My only friend.
The boy I’d swooned over.
Okay, fine.
Obsessed over, but no one really needed to know the full extent of that.
But it went so much deeper than a simple crush, and in the end, that’s exactly what I’d been.
Crushed.
And now, I’d seen him in the flesh and not just in the dreams and fantasies I had of him over the years.
It should be impossible that the magnitude of those feelings would come rushing back.
But they were all there.
As strong as before. Maybe stronger.
Though they were distorted and disfigured.
Marred by the traumas and the separation.
By the hurt and the rejection.
I needed to remember my broken, lonely heart didn’t count in this situation. Cash was no longer my secret friend who made me feel seen for the first time in my life.
I could only think of him as my children’s saving grace, at least that was what I was praying for, but by his reaction at finding us, I realized my chances were slim to none.
But he was the only chance I had at ensuring they would be taken care of.
Protected.
I had to find a way to convince him.
I balled up my dirty clothes and carried them back into the bathroom, where I tossed them in a ball on the floor in the corner. Then I looked at myself in the mirror above the vanity sink.
My hair was damp, and my face was bare.
So different and so much the same.
I wondered what he thought when he looked at me. If there was…anything. If anything remained.
A screech echoed from out in the main house. Definitely not from the bedroom where I instructed them to stay until I was finished showering.
My kids were amazing, but they were kids, and they weren’t above a shenanigan or two.
Blowing out a sigh, I hung my towel and hurried back out into Cash’s room, where I curled my hand around the doorknob.
I paused as I inhaled deeply, gathering a little courage, reminding myself of my mission.
Why I was here.
Goal One: Make sure my kids weren’t tearing down the house.
Goal Two: Convince Cash this reckless endeavor was actually a brilliant idea.
With one more breath, I turned the knob and opened the door.
From across the main room, Colin’s voice carried. “Do you got bears in the woods?”
“Yeah.” It was a single word grunt of an answer. Unsurprising since that seemed to be the man’s only mode of communication. That and the glare of those unforgettable eyes.
“Will they eat me?” Colin asked. Knowing him, he’d been peppering Cash with a thousand questions.
A beat of uncertainty held in the air. Dread, if I could read the emotion right.
“You shouldn’t go in the woods by yourself,” Cash finally said without actually answering the question.
“But I can go with you, right? Because you’re a giant, and I bet you won’t be scared of the bears a bit. Would you punch ’em right in the face? One, two, three, kapow!” Colin acted out the motions.
I eased out into the main room as Cash released another grunt.
He was on his knees in front of the fireplace, adding kindling and paper to the hearth. Back rippling with strength under his white tee as he bent over.
Colin was right beside him, head inclined and fully in his business.
“Last thing you want is to confront a bear. When you come upon one, you stand up straight while slowly backing away and to the side. But like I said, you shouldn’t be in the woods by yourself, so there’s no reason for you to find out.”
Cash gave him the explanation in that deep, growly voice.
He might as well have been a bear himself.
He struck a match and held it to a piece of paper. A single flame consumed the paper and quickly spread to the kindling.
A fire igniting.
It might have been the beginning of summer, but I knew from experience it got chilly here at night.
“But would you protect us?” Colin pressed in his adorable voice.
Sighing, Cash sat back on his haunches and gave my son another single word answer.
But it was the one that meant everything.
“Yeah.”
“That’s good because I’m not even that tall, and I gotta take care of my girls, so maybe you can help.”
“I no like bears!” Eva hopped on her hands and knees like a frog across the big rug that sat between the oversized leather couch and the fireplace. Cash’s dog followed along beside her, leaning down low on his front legs as he barked and wagged his tail.
“But what about a panda bear? Or a koala bear? I think they would make good pets.” Addy was pure sass as she said it, sitting on the couch with her legs drawn to her chest, fully making herself at home.
Her damp hair was twined in a long braid, and she wore little leggings and a tank top to sleep in.
“No bears make good pets,” Cash grumbled as he stood, exasperated and so clearly in over his head.
“Jeez,” Addy said with a little roll of her eyes.
Of my children, she was the most skeptical. The one who’d worried most about coming here and what Cash might be like.
Cash must have felt me staring because he swiveled his attention in my direction.
Hazel eyes penetrated.
Hard and cynical.
Wounds clouded by rage.
But I could see the softness in them, too. A softness that he was terrified to expose.
No question, this man had armored his heart. Erected fortified barricades to keep from feeling because he’d been forced into feeling too much.
The loss so great he couldn’t suffer anything else.
I knew that kind of loss. What had hurt the most was he’d refused to share it with me.
His stare pierced me where I stood just outside his door. As consuming as the flames that had decimated the paper.
I’d always felt like I was being burned alive every time he looked at me, but right then…
I tried to breathe through the electricity that zapped through the room.
“Hey,” I murmured, timidness working its way into my voice.
“You showered.” It was gruff and short.
I glanced down and gave him an awkward curtsy. “I did. Thank you. The hot water was magic. I feel like a new woman.”
Cash’s gaze slid down like he was inspecting if it were the truth.
A shiver rushed over my flesh. That old feeling coming alive and thrumming in the space.
I wondered if he could feel it because his thick throat bobbed as he swallowed.
Shaking myself out of it, I forced myself into lightness and stepped into the living area. “Are my ruffians causing mayhem in here?”
“No way, Mom!” Colin shouted. He shifted on the rug and pushed himself into a side plank. “We are never mayhem. We follow all the rules, and we’re gonna be really good and respectful like you told us we gotta.”
“That’s my sweet boy,” I told him before I glanced at Cash. “I hope we’re not in your way or messing up your routine?”
Right. Like that was possible. I knew from the disbelieving look he shot me that we definitely were.
And I was about to drop a bomb on it.
I suddenly noticed a delicious scent wafting from the kitchen. Onions and garlic and something slightly sweet.
Fresh…baked…bread.
Speculation twisted my brow. “Did you bake bread?”
“I always bake bread,” he grunted, itching where he stood like he was a hostage in his own home.
“I wike bread.” Eva’s little voice was high-pitched as she held onto Duke’s neck as he dragged her across the floor.
“Did you smell it, Mom? I think it’s gonna be super yummy,” Colin said as he tried to toss himself into a handstand, though only one foot made it into the air.
“I’m starving, Mom. Can we eat right now?” Addy complained.
Eva started to chant, “Eat now! Eat now!”
Flustered, Cash’s attention skimmed over what was, in fact, mayhem in his living room. His jaw slack and his eyes wide. Then he scrubbed a massive palm over his face and started toward the kitchen. “Come on. Should be ready.”
“Yay!” Eva let go of Duke’s neck, jumped up, and raced up to Cash’s side so she could take hold of his hand.
Clearly enamored and not close to being dissuaded by his brusqueness.
He froze, shock on his face as he glanced down at her swaying at his side.
Colin clambered to his feet and skipped that way. “I knew you were gonna take good care of us, Mr. Cash.”
Addy slid off the couch. I took her hand, and she sent me a sweetly concerned smile when I did.
“Are you hungry, Mom? I bet you’re really excited to have a real home-cooked meal since we’ve been eating hot dogs for two days.
It smells really good in here.” Then she dropped her voice.
“Do you think we came to the right place?”
My thumb running over the back of her hand was hopeful encouragement. “I hope so.”
Cash’s stupefied gaze drifted to me.
A big, burly beast in the middle of his kitchen.
Ruggedly beautiful and the best thing I’d ever seen.
And I wondered if it still stood. The promise he made me when I was seventeen.
The one where he swore that he would do anything for me.
Because I was about to ask him for everything.