Chapter 21 Cash
TWENTY-ONE
CASH
“Cub Scouts, huh?” I asked Colin. He knelt right beside me, the kid so close I could barely read the measurements I was taking.
“Yep. I even got a pack, and I got like fifteen whole patches.”
“Fifteen?” I drew it out like I couldn’t believe it, giving him a low whistle. “No way.”
“Yes, way.” Pride rolled off him as he gave me a sharp bob of his head.
My chest tightened.
Wasn’t even sure what I was feeling right then.
Fear.
Regret.
Grief.
And something else that I couldn’t.
But it was there, pressing beneath the surface of my flesh like a seed trying to sprout. Did my best to tamp it down, but he turned that adorable smile in my direction.
Morning sun rained around him and tossed his warm brown hair into a glittering radiance. The cinnamon hues glinting in the rays and illuminating him like he was one of those angels you’d never know you entertained.
“You think I can get another one?” he asked.
“Yeah, buddy, pretty sure you can get another. What would you think about us finding you a pack around here?”
“I already got one.” He hiked a shoulder.
So damned innocent.
Not completely understanding the situation they were in. I knew Daisy had tried to explain it to them the best that she could, but I doubted they could fully grasp that they were never going home.
They had to establish a new one.
Somewhere.
Maybe here. Down by the park or near River, Charleigh, and Nolan’s house. Where they could have friends. A support group. Family, the way Daisy had never really gotten to have.
Then I could keep an eye on them after everything went down.
Yeah.
That sounded like a good plan. Made sense.
“Thinkin’ you might get another for while you’re here.”
It might be fucking painful, but I was gonna do this. Set Daisy at ease. Show her that no matter what, her children would be cared for.
Then I was going to end that motherfucker long before he had a chance to get to them.
I’d figure out the rest after that.
“That sounds like a pretty good plan,” Colin rambled easily.
I hesitated, wondering what the hell I was doing, drawing them deeper into my life, but I figured if I was actually going to marry Daisy, I needed to play the part.
So I forced out the confession, “I have a nephew who’s a bit older than you. His name’s Nolan. A niece named Maci who’s really close to your same age, too. Then we have two little ones…Finn and Luna. Luna is just a tiny baby.”
Their faces flashed through my mind.
I kept my distance from them as much as I could. Had done my best at not getting too close.
Dedication was one thing. Loving was an entirely different story.
But there was no stopping the affection that pulsed through me when I thought of them. What it would be like to introduce Daisy’s children to the family.
I immediately regretted allowing myself the vision.
Something so beautiful wasn’t meant for me.
Excitement streaked through Colin’s expression. “What? You got kids you didn’t tell us about?”
Amusement rolled through me.
Kid was fuckin’ cute.
“Well, they’re not really mine. They belong to my brothers.”
Brothers not by blood but by the loyalty we’d forged.
“How many brothers you got?”
“Four,” I begrudgingly answered.
I didn’t dish this kind of intel on my life.
And this kid seemed to have the power to pluck it right out of me.
Colin gave me an emphatic dip of his head. “Well, we should probably get some friends if we’re going to live here, so I think we should go meet ’em.”
Yeah. Introducing them seemed like a solid plan.
“And what about that pack?”
“As long as I get a patch for helping you, I think it’s a good idea because you’re really big, and I think you probably have the best ideas. But I don’t even need a patch because I just like helping you.”
Emotion gripped me.
Fuck me.
I knew right then I’d embroider him that patch and sew it on myself if I had to.
Addy poked her head through the sliding door. “Get your booties in here and eat! Breakfast is served!”
She looked at me in that wary way, though this morning it was a bit different, more curiosity shining through. Her brown hair fell around her shoulders, face dabbled with the same cinnamon-colored freckles as her mom. A little spitfire with so much sass and that sweetness underneath.
Without reservation, Colin hopped onto his feet. But rather than running for the door, he turned and stretched out his little hand. “Come on, Mr. Cash. We gotta eat so we can get some energy to finish our job.”
Warily, I looked at his offering, then I took it. I didn’t put any weight on him as I slowly pushed to my feet. Though he was grunting and gritting his teeth and yanking with all his might, like he was the sole reason I could make it to stand.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Cash. I got you.”
If I wasn’t careful, he would.
All of them would.
Colin beelined for the door, and Addy held it open as she waited for me as I edged across the porch.
Felt like I was wading through landmines, each step bringing me closer to destruction as I moved back toward my house that once had been filled with silence and now echoed with a brawl of movement and voices.
With energy and life.
Addy’s eyes narrowed. Unsure, though she widened the door. “Do you want to eat with us?”
Something went fuzzy in my chest as I approached.
“Yeah, Addy, I would like that.”
Her smile was timid, but she swept her hand to the side like she was inviting me in.
Warily, I moved into the cabin.
Daisy was at the stove, unfazed and unfrazzled as she directed the chaos inside. “Eva, go ahead and get in your chair at the table. Colin, go wash your hands. Addy, can you take this bowl of eggs to the table?”
Daisy lifted the skillet and piled the steaming scrambled eggs into a dish.
She wore the same thing she did last night. The moment I had seen her standing in the doorway with the morning light raining around her, it was my brain that had gotten scrambled.
Entertaining thoughts I had no right entertaining.
But there they were again.
Nearly overpowering.
Woman in my kitchen in that draping, oversized sweatshirt and these tiny shorts that showed off the delicious length of her legs. Her hair a messy pile on her head.
Pieces fell out of the twist, brushing down her back and kissing her stunning face.
Her profile on display. Her jaw sharp. The rest of her soft.
Her nose this cute fucking button that I loved when she scrunched it up.
Every inch of her was nothing but a tease.
The sight of her mortal temptation.
Because I had the unbearable urge to stalk across the room, prop her on the counter, and kiss the fuck out of her.
Like she was mine to claim.
Or maybe drag her into my room and peel her out of those flimsy clothes to get to the sweetness underneath.
Glut myself on what I’d been dreaming of for what felt like a hundred years.
Memories spiraling back to all those times when she’d sneak into my room.
How she’d curl up beside me on my bed. The way she blossomed each day.
My best friend.
My friend who somewhere along the way I’d realized was meant to be so much more.
But it would be the greatest crime. An unforgivable offense.
She peeked over at me.
Her cheeks flushed red, like she felt the need boiling my insides.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, her voice raspy.
“Starving,” I grunted.
Famished.
Depleted.
Empty.
And somehow, she was here, filling me up in a way I shouldn’t let her.
The woman had me making promises I never should make. Confiding things in her that I was forbidden to speak.
Laying my sins out like she could be the keeper of them.
It was reckless, but I refused to go into this without her knowing who I’d become, even though I couldn’t give her the details. Couldn’t drag my brothers into my mistakes.
But it was true, what I told her last night.
I had never been able to tell her no, and I had no idea how to start then.
A soft smile edged her sexpot mouth. “Good. I made enough for an army.”
I was a fucking fool because I inched deeper into the kitchen. Drawn to her like she was the gravity I’d been missing. When I’d been floating out in the nothingness without a destination, she’d become my target.
My intent.
My heart’s resolution.
“Can I help with something?” It was low and pocked with the need she incited.
“No. Go sit down, and I’ll bring it to you.”
“I am capable of feeding myself.”
“But wouldn’t it be a whole lot more enjoyable if I did it for you?” She peeked over at me. Something coy crept to her expression.
Fuck me.
She had every intention of doing me in, didn’t she?
I kept moving closer, and my voice dropped lower. “You aren’t here to take care of me. It’s the other way around.”
She turned to face me, which meant I basically had her backed into the counter.
Her aura was all around. That sweet floral scent dosed with a splash of vanilla. Infiltrating like a drug.
Took everything I had not to press my nose into her neck and inhale.
The world seemed to disappear as she whispered, “Would it be so bad if we took care of each other?”
“It’s all I ever wanted to do, Daisy. Take care of you.”
Sadness rippled through the intense blue of her mesmerizing gaze. “And the only thing I ever wanted was to be with you.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to what she implied. Like I had the right to stay after what I’d done.
Desolation crawled through my insides. She had no clue. No clue about what I’d done. That might have been the greatest betrayal of all.
A commotion of footsteps suddenly broke into the bubble that surrounded us.
“I got my hands washed and I’m ready to eat.
Then I gotta go back out with Mr. Cash and work because I’m gonna get a new pack and a patch.
And we got some new kids we gotta meet because Mr. Cash has some nieces and nephews that we don’t even know. Did you know that, Mom?”
I took a step back to find Colin hopping from foot to foot beside us.