Chapter 34 – Brianna #3
He swallows hard, his voice dipping quieter.
“I flew out to see her. Met Sawyer for the first time. She was this tiny thing, wild, dark blonde curls, eyes too big for her face. I felt something crack open in me the second I saw her because she looked just like her and him. That was it. I promised myself I’d always be in her life, no matter how much Seth hated me.
And I’d keep trying to mend the relationship that was broken between me and her dad. ”
My chest aches at the image. At the love in his voice when he talks about that little girl who’s grown up into such a sweet, almost teenager now.
“Did you ever explain?” I ask gently.
He nods. “I did. I apologized, too, because the truth is, my words to him were pretty full of judgment that last time we’d talked before Sawyer was born.
I was mad. He was mad. None of this was expected.
He heard me out later after she died, but I think he still holds me at arm’s length.
Like maybe he feels guilty, too. Like he crossed some invisible line by being with her after me.
It had been years. I didn’t care. I just wanted them to be happy.
And I didn’t think they were it for each other.
The pregnancy changed everything, and then he blamed himself for her death like he could have stopped the cancer somehow.
He’s been punishing himself ever since.”
I nod slowly, the pieces clicking into place. I knew most of this but hearing it from Levi helps me better understand why Seth and he have such a complicated relationship.
“I see,” I whisper.
He leans forward again, elbows on his knees, voice low.
“But to me it’s all water under the bridge.
I’m not hurt. I don’t resent him. I said some stupid things in the moment, but all I’ve ever wanted is what’s best for Sawyer and my brother.
And that’s why I’m so damn glad they both have you. And that he’s talking to me again.”
He has me… But does he really? When I’m still hiding things. Still holding onto the secret about his trade. About the very real chance that he and Sawyer might have to leave Brookhaven and move again.
I bite my bottom lip, guilt curling in my chest, choking off my air.
Because they feel like my home now. They feel like family.
Now I understand Seth’s vulnerabilities, his insecurities with women.
And I understand how badly Sawyer wants to connect with me, and just how much I love her too. I don’t want to let them go.
I have to talk to my dad.
Levi’s smile turns easy again. “So, when’s my little brother getting home?”
I glance at my phone. A text from ten minutes ago lights up the screen.
Seth: Almost there. Can’t wait to see you.
“Any second now.”
Levi stands, stretches, and shoots me a knowing smile. “Alright, that’s my cue. I’ll head upstairs and get outta your hair. You two enjoy your night, and I’ll see y’all in the morning.”
He moves toward the stairs and disappears without another word, the house falling still again in his wake. I rub my hands over my lap, smooth down my yoga pants, suddenly too warm in the fading light of a Brookhaven evening.
But it isn’t the weather, or even chasing Sawyer around outside, that’s making me sweat.
It’s the weight of everything Levi just said.
It’s the way he loved Rebecca once. The way Seth might carry guilt he never speaks of for dating his older brother’s ex-girlfriend, getting her pregnant, and then losing her.
The history between them is more tangled than I knew.
I feel like I understand Seth much more now.
The ache in his silences. The way he clings to Sawyer with a fierce, tender edge.
The pain he wears like armor without even realizing it.
The tortured hero. The guy who won’t stop blaming himself for things he couldn’t have controlled.
Before I can get lost in it, the front door swings open and he’s walking inside.
He drops his bags at the door, those long legs crossing the room in seconds, and then I’m off the stool, swept into his arms, tucked against his chest tightly.
“Fuck, I missed you, baby.”
My throat tightens. “I missed you too,” I whisper, the words breaking around the edges.
He leans back just enough to find my eyes, then kisses me like the world’s ending. And maybe it is. Because in his arms, I forget everything else. The guilt. The doubt. The fear.
And in that moment, I believe what Levi said. This is different. What we have is special even to Seth because it’s special to me too. And I won’t treat it like Elena did and I won’t leave if I can help it.
When we finally come up for air, I let my fingers thread into his hair, my forehead resting against his cheek, my heart racing.
It might not be fair, knowing what my dad is considering, but I’ve always been a firm believer in telling people what they mean to you before it’s too late.
On seizing the moments that we’re given to us while we have them and not holding back on love.
Not withholding it because of conveniences or circumstances.
“Seth, I’m in love with you.”
His eyes open. “You think? Because I know that I’m in love with you.” His hands cup my cheek gently as he tilts my face upward and then kisses me again. “Is Sawyer already asleep?”
I check the time, it’s close to nine thirty now and nod. He takes my hand in his and guides me to the steps.
“Come on. Let’s go cuddle in bed and catch up.”