Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
She doesn’t make any sense.
She left us. Used us. But the minute Kai’s in danger, I watched her throw away her chance to get away from us to make sure Kai was safe.
Adam and Markus swear up and down that I was wrong about what happened.
Kai, my closest confidant to all things Melody, the one that I thought would back me up no matter what because he was there and heard her say those life-changing words with his own ears…
He was willing to fight me to protect her honor. It’s really got me thinking.
What have I missed?
The drive back to the penthouse is annoying because they’re cuddled up the whole time. Melody, nestled into Kai’s side as he kisses her head, breathes her in, whispers softly to her.
God, I want to snap at them and rip his hands off.
But then I remember how her face looked when she started having a panic attack because she couldn’t get over Kai potentially dying. So I keep my mouth shut.
What am I going to do?
“When we get home, we have four hours of rehearsal. You can stay in the apartment,” I say, breaking the awkward silence.
“When can we get my laptop and stuff? I need to work.”
“You can use mine for the time being. I’ll send Louis to get it.”
Melody turns to look at me, both hands holding onto the seat between us. “I really don’t think he’ll like that.”
“He’s our manager, he can delegate to his assistant if he wants. But he does what we say.” I shrug. “You need your computer. Especially now.”
“What does that mean?” She asks, narrowing her eyes at me. I don’t know how she’s going to react when I tell her that she works exclusively for us now. Another problem for another day.
“Don’t worry about it.” I face the window, and breathe a sigh of relief when I see how close we are to the penthouse.
It’s already been a long fucking day.
“You’re 27 minutes late, oh fearless leader,” Markus smirks when Kai and I walk into our rehearsal space. We rent out the entire floor underneath the penthouse. It’s become our rehearsal space and our home gym, plus it gives us a little bit of a buffer if we need time apart.
Markus stands in his usual spot, tuning his guitar as he plays a few chords softly. Adam’s sitting on his stool, messing around on his phone while they wait for us.
“You bitched and bitched about being on time and that we had to practice, yet, you are so late. The fuck, man?” Adam snaps. Well damn, he’s clearly still pissed off at me.
“It’s my fault, guys.” Kai steps forward, pulling off his shirt, taking his usual spot and grabbing his bass.
Adam groans in frustration, looking up at the ceiling.
“I take it you found Melody. Did you bring her back? Is she okay?” Adam asks.
“She’s fine,” I snap, stepping up to my place and turning all the equipment on.
“She’s fine? And I’m just supposed to believe that?” Adam narrows his eyes, and stands up gripping his drumsticks in on hand tight enough that I can see his tattoos stretch over his knuckles.
“She’s upstairs. Hopefully showering,” I say under my breath. I look out of the corner of my eye and see Kai smile with the most confident, infuriating grin. I swear his chest puffs up and he licks his bottom lip before he brings his fingers up to scratch his nose.
And he fucking smirks.
“She’s good, guys. I convinced her to stay,” Kai says while he plugs in his bass to the amp.
“How’d you manage to do that?” Markus asks knowingly, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest questioningly.
Clearing his throat, Kai swallows uncomfortably. And I chuckle under my breath because he’s got to face the music of what he did. What he took from us.
She chose him.
Based on the conversation I heard, the declaration and panic attack, not to mention the uncomfortable car ride, she’s definitely picked him.
“The same way you two did.” Kai throws at them and a new wave of anger fills me.
“What?” I snap angrily, whipping around to look at the three of them. “You all have fucked her? When? Why?” Each word bringing me closer to throwing punches.
“Well, it seems like you heard some of it, man.” Kai cocks an eyebrow like an arrogant motherfucker and I grab the neck of his shirt, pulling him to me for a beating.
“Woah!” Markus steps in between us, and Adam jumps over his drums to get in the middle.
“Stop!” Adam tries to pull me away from him.
“You’re a traitor,” I spit at him, an accusing finger pointing at him.
“Why do you even care that we all love her? Why does it matter so much to you? All you’ve done since we found her again was try to hurt her for some fucked-up revenge over nothing .” Kai throws the questions at me while Adam holds my arms back tighter.
Fucker is good at anticipating my next move.
“He has a point,” Markus says, stepping back.
“Because!” I yell. There’s this knot in my chest that I don’t know how to work through. I’m so fucking angry, and I thought I was past the hurt, but knowing that she didn’t just pick one of them… that she had all of them… all of them but me. And it pisses me off.
Why not me?
“Because she was–” I start to explain, but Adam cuts me off.
“A teenager?”
“A teenager who had four guys protecting her, and was getting relentlessly bullied behind their backs. Bullied so badly that she had to protect herself and throw the bitches off the scent. Bullied so hard that she was conditioned to think that what she actually wanted made her a whore. And that we would think that too.” Kai’s words fill the air, and land uncomfortably in my mind.
What?
There’s no way.
“We would’ve been able to see or hear of people bullying her,” Markus says as his eyebrows knit together in confusion. His eyes look to the side, unseeingly, as if he’s going through all his high school memories for anything that stands out.
Just like I’m doing.
“Apparently we’re either self-absorbed motherfuckers, or she just didn’t want to bother us with it.” Kai lips press into a thin line and his eyes drop to the floor, like it’s physically hurting him to know this.
I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Shaking my head, I refuse to let that show… I didn’t make a mistake.
Did I?
“I made it clear, all through school, that she was off-limits. Anytime I heard petty shit, I shut it down. Made it so no one fucked with her,” My voice booms, but cracks with emotion. I clear my throat. “No, I made it clear. No one was to mess with her. She’s just lying.”
“That just meant that no one fucked with her in front of us. But jealous high school girls can be cruel. Horny, jealous high school boys can be dangerously stupid,” Kai says sharply. “We were stupid.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. My heart beats uncomfortably fast. A cold sweat forms over my skin. No. No, please. No, I can’t…
I feel like the memories playing in my mind are tainted. Like I can’t trust them. Memory after memory floods my brain.
Melody, walking into the classroom on the rare occurrence one of us couldn’t walk with her and red-ringed eyes.
Melody, looking over her shoulder, crossing her arms over herself protectively as all the girls came out of the locker room after gym class.
Melody, keeping her head down as I watched her walk across the cafeteria, only looking up and smiling when she got close to us.
Now that I’m looking back, every single memory of Melody in high school has something like that. Where she looked upset until in our presence.
Why didn’t she say anything?
Why didn’t I notice?
I noticed everything else about her. My obsession ran so deep.
“It makes sense,” Markus says. “Adam and I talked to her too. She didn’t say that explicitly, but she made it clear it was hard back then. That we were the only good thing to happen to her in high school.”
“Until we fucked it all up. Because of you,” Adam snaps angrily.
Adam’s changing before my eyes. He’s so emotional, protective, and willing to stand up now. All because she came back into our lives. I look at each of them, noticing the small changes in each of them. It’s like they’re waking up again.
All because of her.
All because she came back. Not for lack of me trying to keep us apart.
Fuck. I’ve screwed up everything.
Stepping back, Adam drops his hold on me just in time for me to fall to my knees. Agony and guilt pull me under, and I can’t fight it. I don’t deserve to.
The guys stand around me with varying looks of anger, understanding, and frustration.
“I didn’t know,” I choke out. My throat feels like it’s closing, my fingers slip into my hair, and I pull at the roots painfully.
This whole time, I thought she was using us. I thought she was a self-centered bitch who was mocking us behind our backs…
“I didn’t know,” I repeat softer.
“Well,” Adam says, clicking his tongue. “You better fix this, Reis. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I won’t be without her any longer.
Because of your dumb fucking teenage decision and our stupid loyalty, we’ve lost six years, six years , with her.
Because of you, we abandoned her in the middle of the fucking night without even a conversation.
Because of you, we left her to drown with those assholes. ”
Each word he snarls at me is a punch to the gut. Guilt eats at me; a weight pressing down on my chest that I can’t get away from. I gasp for breath that doesn’t come. A dark pit settles in my stomach, and my hand goes to my torso to try and keep myself from bleeding out.
Adam shakes his head, looking down on me with disgust before walking out of the room.
“I’m sorry,” I cry through quick gasps. Markus runs a hand through his hair, and takes his guitar off before setting it on its stand.
“Fix it, man. Figure out how to make it right with her. If that’s even possible. We all have to make it up to her. This is just as much our fault as it is yours.” Markus gives me a disappointed look and presses his lips into a thin line before following Adam.
Kai doesn’t leave. He stays and watches as I fall apart. I don’t know why he stays, what I’ve done to us all is awful.
Tears fall down my face as everything barrels over me and runs me over. What I’ve done. I doubt I’ll be able to fix this properly, and honestly, I don’t blame them if I can’t. I don’t let a cry or a sob leave my throat, I hold in my pain.
It only seems fair.
I’ve caused so much pain, I should feel the weight of this.
“She still loves you,” Kai says, offering me a lifeline. His words echoing in the air between us.
“What?” I whisper through my unshed tears.
“Earlier, you comforted her and she let you,” he notes. “I watched you through the window. She still cares. She wants…” He cuts himself off.
“What does she want?”
“You’ll have to earn that trust and ask her.” He shrugs.
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. Kai gives me a sad, tight-lipped expression, a supportive slap on the shoulder, and he walks out too.
He’s right.
I can turn this around. I can make amends. I will beg for forgiveness, and do whatever it takes to bring Melody back into our lives. Into my life.
Because if I’m being honest, even when I was so fucking angry at her I didn’t know what to do with myself, I loved her. Just as I love her now.