Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
I’m up high on the scaffolding, the lights hitting me just right as I do the drum solo in the middle of Time Heals , one of our more hopeful songs.
I say hopeful because, while the lyrics bleed love and hope for the future, the guitar riff and heavy drums make it sound anything but.
Sweat is pooling near my lower back and I hit the hi-hat with as much force as I can as Reis takes over and starts the final chorus. My eyes find Mel in the wings as muscle memory takes over and my mind wanders a little.
She’s beautiful.
Even in the dark, where I can only see her face from the light of her tablet as she works for us.
Our socials have seen massive increases in followers since she’s started, which is impressive seeing as we were all already up there in numbers.
I looked last night after she fell asleep, my stomach in knots from what happened.
I can’t believe she thought I’d want that. That we’d throw away what we have with her for some desperate groupie. I thought I’d fixed it, I thought she’d fallen asleep content with us all around her, but she’s been off. All day.
I tried holding her from behind while she was doing her makeup and she smiled, but it wasn’t… It didn’t quite feel like she felt it. I’m starting to get worried that the girl kissing me last night put a serious wedge between us. If she was acting like this just around me, I might feel better.
Better because I’d know exactly that it was just that. I could work with that. Woo her, apologize, prove over time that I never want anyone else than her.
But it’s everyone. Reis kissed her gently and she returned it, but not with the same sparkle in her eye.
Kai got all possessive about the security guard holding her hand to help her get in the SUV to take us to the airport and she didn’t smirk.
Markus grabbed her thigh suggestively on the way to the venue, smiling at her, and she just shrugged.
She’s not icing us out exactly , but it will be if it continues this way. We have to figure it out. And fast.
Kai mentioned in passing that he has a bad feeling. Usually I don’t buy into his gut feelings, but this time… I feel it too.
She just looks… nervous. Like she’s on edge. Tired. And not the kind of tired from the days of being on the road, no. The soul-emotional kind of tired. Like something has shifted for her and she doesn’t know how to handle it.
Fuck, I just wish she’d let us in.
The song ends— finally —and I look over to Melody, smiling down at her as she looks at me for maybe the first time since the show started. I point at her with my drumstick, blowing a kiss. Fuck, I love her so much.
So goddamn much.
She smiles back, and to my surprise, blows me a kiss. The sparkle in her eyes is clear from back here. It feels like I can breathe again. Like the oxygen is finally being absorbed into my bloodstream and I can keep going on.
The lights flash and that’s my cue to roll the next song, Never Again, in. I hit the snare once, twice, three times rhythmically before Markus joins in with the guitar and I look over to see Mel’s attention turned back down to the tablet.
Breathing a little easier, I turn my full attention back to the music. I love playing live. It’s so fucking empowering. I’m free when I’m sitting behind this kit and letting the beats flow through my body.
It’s only been a few measures, but my eyes seek out Mel again.
My heart stops.
She’s gone.
Gone.
I keep playing, keep going, but I can feel the terror growing over my face as I wait. Maybe she had to go to the bathroom. Maybe she got hungry. Hell, maybe Paul pulled her aside to ask a social media question.
Don’t freak just yet. She’s her own person and doesn’t need to be in our line of sight at all times.
Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out, I repeat over and over in my mind.
But repeating some mantra to keep myself from spiraling, especially with things about Melody, has never worked.
In fact, it just amps me up. My kicks to the bass get stronger, the hits on the snare gets sharper as anxiety fills me.
Never Again comes to a close; the lights flash aggressively and I start hitting every beat perfectly.
I can hear the guys playing their parts and Reis singing through my in-ear monitors but I still can hear the crowd screaming as I go faster.
It’s the most amazing fucking feeling. I can get all my aggression out, especially when I don’t have access to the punching bag like at home. It’s cathartic.
My sticks come down on the cymbals hard, and the song ends. Breathing heavily, I let my arms drop slowly as I fight to get my heart to slow down.
Don’t freak out yet, don’t freak out yet, I repeat and grab a quick drink before Markus leads us into the next song, Only You .
I press the foot pedal slower to get that soft bass drum hit, as Only You ’s a slower song. Reis' vocals start soft and I hear the crowd go wild.
My eyes look over to that spot where Mel should be.
And she’s still not there.
Only You.
Whisper For Me.
Melodies On My Mind.
She’s been gone for three whole songs.
Okay, it’s time to panic. To get some fucking answers.
“Kai!” I yell, trying my best to scream over the music. He’s the closest. And thank fuck, his head turns just as I scream because he tips his head up and saunters over. When he gets close enough, I yell, “Mel’s been gone for three songs!”
I know my words hit, and he understands, when his eyes widen and his jaw clenches. He doesn’t say anything; he just walks off the scaffolding and, still playing, walks off the stage.
Fuck, we’re going to hear about this later.
But I really couldn’t care less.
This has Louis' oily goddamn fingerprints all over it.
I know he’s done something, I just don’t know what yet.
Kai comes back, still playing, and his eyes are tight. His jaw set. I know then that it’s not good.
Can we hurry the last six songs along? I’ve got a girl to find.
And I will find her. I’m not losing her again.