Chapter 26
It was only six o’clock when Nel got back to her mum’s place, but the house was in darkness.
The only light on was a lamp in the lounge room, which cast a beam of yellow light at the end of the hall.
Cath was sitting in Rob’s armchair, a glass of red on the side table next to an open bottle. The lamp threw shadows over her face.
‘Mum?’ Nel stood in the doorway. Cath looked up, her wet cheeks shining in the lamp light. ‘What’s wrong?’
Cath held out a piece of paper. ‘I found it today. I was going through his things in the study.’
Nel turned the page towards the light. To Do, it said in her dad’s handwriting. He’d crossed off Write reference for Andrew Hurley and Call hospice re Louise. She could feel her mum watching her as she reached the uncompleted tasks at the bottom.
‘Book angiogram,’ Nel whispered, as she reached the last line. The diagnostic procedure was only done if there were specific concerns. ‘Did he mention he had symptoms?’
Cath shook her head. ‘His own father died of heart disease at forty-three and he’s writing references for Andrew bloody Hurley instead of having a blasted angiogram.’ There was an angry tremor in her voice.
They sat in heavy silence. How easily things could have been different.
A coronary angiogram would have diagnosed the narrowing of his arteries that triggered the heart attack, and simple surgery would have saved his life.
He would’ve been in and out of hospital on the same day.
Nel had referred countless patients for the simple test, resulting in stents and a long life.
She cursed her father for his foolish complacency.
‘He was always thinking of everyone else, never himself.’ Cath’s tears flowed again.
Nel moved over to her and put one hand awkwardly on her back. ‘You probably need a good cry, Mum. Don’t you think?’
Cath shrugged. ‘I’ve never been much of a crier.’
‘Maybe long overdue then.’
She sniffed. ‘That’s the pot calling the kettle black.’
Nel prickled at the comment but said nothing. She handed a box of tissues to Cath who blew her nose loudly. Cath took another tissue and dabbed her eyes.
‘I went to see Faye this afternoon,’ Nel said after a few minutes. ‘She showed me her studio. Have you seen it?’
Cath shook her head.
‘Her work’s incredible, so bold and … I don’t know … forceful.’ It wasn’t the right word but it was close.
There was a rattle at the front door then footsteps.
‘Hello?’ Lauren’s voice echoed in the hallway. ‘Why’s everything so dark?’
A light came on in the hall and then the kitchen, casting a shaft of bright light into the lounge room.
‘I just ducked into the supermarket so I picked you up a few things,’ she called from the kitchen, opening and closing cupboard doors as she unpacked groceries.
‘I’m sure she thinks we’d starve if she didn’t keep us stocked up,’ Cath said under her breath.
‘And I picked up a couple of dishes from the Chinese takeaway for you for dinner. Honey chicken and beef in black bean.’
Nel looked at Cath who widened her eyes in silent recognition. Nel smiled. It felt good, this rare moment of connection between them.
‘And I brought you over a coat, Nel. You’ll freeze if you keep wearing that ridiculous leather thing.’ Lauren appeared at the door, holding a navy coat, catching the end of the look between them. Her eyes flicked from one to the other. ‘What?’
‘Nothing, darling,’ Cath said.
‘Thanks,’ Nel said.
‘It’s an old one so you can keep it as long as you like.’ She lay the coat over the back of the armchair. ‘What were you talking about?’ She directed the question to Cath.
‘Nel was telling me about visiting Faye today.’
Lauren turned to Nel and narrowed her eyes. ‘You went to see Faye?’
‘Yeah, I stopped by to say hello.’ A pause. ‘Is that okay with you?’
‘Not really. They don’t need you stirring up the past.’
‘We just had a cup of tea and a chat, Lauren. We talked about her paintings mostly. I didn’t even mention Maddie.’
Lauren scrutinised her. ‘Geoff and Faye lost their daughter, their only daughter. Can you imagine what that must be like?’
Nel didn’t answer.
Cath broke the silence. ‘Did you know that Faye had a stillborn baby a few years before Maddie was born? A boy. She had to deliver him in the labour ward along with all the women giving birth to healthy babies. They called him Hugh.’ She shook her head and sighed.
‘She’d already had five or six miscarriages by then, so it was just devastating. ’
‘God,’ Nel said. ‘I had no idea.’
‘I wanted to hide from her when I was pregnant with you, Lauren,’ Cath went on. ‘Seeing her felt cruel, like I was rubbing her face in it. It was such a relief when Maddie was born, healthy and beautiful.’ She looked at Nel. ‘You two were inseparable, right from the start. Yin and yang.’
‘And then to lose Maddie too.’ Lauren shook her head.
Nel pictured Faye’s face, grief etched in every line. ‘It’s hard to believe life could be so cruel.’
‘There were more miscarriages after Maddie,’ Cath said. ‘I’m not sure how many, I think she stopped telling me about them.’
Lauren turned to Nel. ‘Do you understand that this is the pain you’re stirring up every time you mention Maddie?
Every time you question what happened?’ She paused as though waiting for her words to land.
When she spoke again her voice was softer.
‘Maddie was … unstable. Unpredictable. She had a wild energy that felt dangerous. What happened was terribly sad, Nel, but it was either an accident or a suicide. The Marshalls have obviously decided to believe it was an accident, and as a mother I can understand why. You need to let them have that.’
Nel thought back to Faye’s words that afternoon: Maddie’s accident. It had jarred with her at the time because it felt incorrect. Like a euphemism.
‘Okay,’ Nel said.
‘Okay what?’ Lauren pressed her. ‘You’ll leave it?’
Nel shrugged and didn’t answer. ‘I’ve made a decision,’ she said. They looked at her expectantly. ‘I’m going to stay a bit longer. A month or so. Hopefully that’ll be long enough to find a buyer for the clinic.’
‘That’s wonderful news.’ Cath exhaled and smiled. ‘Thank you, Nel.’
Lauren stared at her. ‘Why the change of heart?’
‘Isn’t that what you wanted?’ Nel asked.
There was a long silence. Nel shook her head. She couldn’t win with Lauren.