Chapter 36
‘Morning, Nel. Flat white to go?’ Dave asked as she approached the takeaway counter at The Larder.
‘Thanks, Dave.’
It had been over a week since Nel had decided to leave the past in the past, and for the first time since she returned to Carrinya she felt at ease. She’d met Jimmy for a drink at Drifters on Saturday afternoon and told him about her decision to give up on finding the truth about Maddie.
‘Whatever feels right,’ he said as they sat in the winter sunshine, watching fishing boats pass by.
‘What happened in your marriage, Jimmy?’ Nel had asked, sensing he might be ready to talk about it.
He gazed across the water as he told her about his ex-wife in Wollongong who was now living with his ex-best mate, a former colleague.
‘I was angry at them both for a long time, but it was my fault too. I was living and breathing the job, and then when things went wrong on the Molly Peters case I … I didn’t handle it well.
’ A dark cloud came over his face. ‘I would have been hard to live with.’
Nel had reached out, put a hand on his arm.
‘I’ve come to terms with it now,’ he went on, ‘but I still feel … I don’t know …’ He let the sentence hang, unfinished. ‘Mum and Dad have been married for thirty-five years. I thought my marriage would be just like theirs, so I feel kind of … embarrassed, I guess, that it was so short-lived.’
He smiled then, the cloud lifting from his face. ‘So that’s my tragic relationship history covered. Your turn. Any ex-husbands you haven’t mentioned?’
Nel had smiled as he sat back in his chair, his foot resting against hers. ‘Just one failed proposal and a lot of very brief dalliances that ended almost before they began.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Ended by you?’
‘Yeah.’ She shrugged. ‘I think I’ve always felt that I don’t deserve to be happy.’
‘Why?’
She watched a pelican land on the water, then met Jimmy’s eyes again. ‘I guess because Maddie didn’t get to be,’ she said slowly, making sense of it for the first time.
‘Well …’ He leaned forward, reaching across the table and taking her hands. ‘I think you’ve done your time, Nel Foley.’
She felt better after that, as though she’d let go of something heavy that she’d been unaware she was carrying. They’d stayed for hours, talking about everything other than Maddie.
She felt a little dusty the next morning, but she’d dragged herself to one of Lauren’s bootcamps.
Nel generally avoided group activities of any sort, particularly ones involving exercise, but she actually quite enjoyed it.
It was good to see her sister doing her job.
She was good at it, which wasn’t surprising—Lauren delighted in bossing people around, so ordering them to do squats seemed like the ideal job for her—but Nel was surprised by how funny she was.
Where had that sense of humour been hiding?
For the next two days, Nel’s hamstrings were so sore she’d had to drop onto the toilet, but she assumed that was a good thing.
She was still worried about Sophie. She’d seen her on Sunday for the first time since she stole the pregnancy test, when she went to watch Leo play soccer.
Sophie was standing with Ryan and Harvey near the canteen, a brown staffie by her side.
Their eyes met briefly across the misty field, but Sophie had looked away quickly.
Had she done the test, Nel wondered? What did it reveal?
Another pregnancy would ruin any hope of leaving, surely.
Thoughts of Sophie and Ryan had whirred in her head that whole afternoon.
She’d tried to distract herself by helping her mum go through her dad’s wardrobe, putting shirts and jackets and trousers in piles.
One for Steve, one for Vinnies, one for the bin.
It was hard—with each item they put on a pile it felt like he was disappearing bit by bit—but she hoped it would help her mum move forward.
Later that evening, Steve had stopped by with an update on the sale of the clinic.
There were two interested parties, and he was optimistic that it wouldn’t be too long before they locked one in.
It was the news Nel had been waiting for, but strangely she didn’t feel as relieved as she thought she would.
It struck her that she would miss this place once she was gone.
Thankfully, there had been no more strange encounters with Ryan.
Nel still felt herself looking over her shoulder, but there was never any sign of him.
Hopefully it would stay that way. Maddie still pulled at her of course, deep down, but whenever the questions threatened to draw her back in, she shook them off. It was better that way.
Even her body felt different, she realised, raising her shoulders and dropping them. Freer.
A beep from her phone pulled her out of her thoughts. A message from Poppy:
Just got another one …
There was a screenshot attached.
Nel stared at the phone, trying to make sense of what she saw. Still stirring up shit I see, the email read. Below the single line of text was a blurry photo of the front page of The Opal Coast Chronicle. She tapped the screen to enlarge it, but it was still too hard to read.
‘Do you have the papers, Dave?’ she asked, heart racing.