9. CT
9
ct
The smell of food envelops me as I make my way inside my house after a long day of work. The argument with Dani is still fresh in my mind and my heart, but at the sound of Alex and Quinn’s laughter, I put on my best poker face.
It wouldn’t be an easy night.
I fake a smile as I come into the kitchen to see my dad cooking at the counter with Alex. Quinn leans against the opposite side, smiling at the two of them. I note Graham’s silhouette out on the back patio, likely grilling something.
Quinn turns at the sound of my shoe scuffing on the floor and grins at me, coming toward me for a hug.
We had a bit of a rocky start, but if there’s one thing Quinn is, it’s forgiving. I was grateful to her in a lot of ways.
After Mom died, we lost a wonderful woman. But ever since she and Graham got together, Quinn has slowly filled that role for us without steamrolling for a place.
Frankly, the place was gladly passed on to her while we worked through all of our shit. She was our neutral ground. She and Alex were the two people we could all agree to accept in our lives. Their being around helped me to overcome my bitterness toward my brother and forced him to push me to fix our shit.
“Hey, CT,” she says politely as I return her hug. “How are you doing?”
I nod my head with a small grin. “Can’t complain.”
She nudges me in the stomach with her finger, giving me a thoughtful look. “Hey, I, um, I wanted to thank you.”
I frown. “Thank me for what?”
“For setting Graham up with Dani.” She shrugs. “I know Dani from the bakery. She’s nice but shy. I wanted to ask myself for help for Graham but never knew how to approach the subject. Plus…” She rolls her eyes playfully. “Your big brother wouldn’t have loved me interjecting myself.”
“Oh, it’s no problem. We worked it out.” I clear my throat as I replay her words in my head. “What do you mean you know her from the bakery? ”
“Oh.” Her eyes light up. “She works over at Aveline’s a few days a week.”
She does? Dani…at a bakery? That doesn’t really sound like her. Though she did often bake when we were growing up with her mom and mine, it wasn’t a passion I ever saw her pursuing.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, Aveline tells me it’s temporary, but as far as I know, she’s worked there for a while now. Though we only met a few months ago.”
“Huh,” I reply, unsure of what else to say.
It’s not long before Alex glances up from her work and gives me a thumbs-up as I wander over to the fridge for a beer.
When dinner is ready, we all sit around the table in the dining room, the same table that we used for our entire childhood.
I take a moment to breathe it in. Having more than just my dad and brother to sit around at family dinners is a feeling I won’t ever take for granted. I glance to my right, where an empty chair sits, and my thoughts threaten to consume me.
“So.” Dad clears his throat after everyone is served. “How are things coming along for this year’s festival? ”
This question is directed at Quinn.
Growing up, our mom threw the best fall festival around, complete with pumpkin picking, hayrides, booths, inflatable bouncy houses, the works. But after Mom passed, the festival died along with her.
Until Quinn entered the picture, and Dad enlisted her help to make it happen again. So now, it was kind of Quinn’s thing, with help from all of us.
Rather than that being upsetting, it was comforting knowing that Quinn wasn’t going to make something out of it that my mom wouldn’t have approved of.
Graham rubs his hand over Quinn’s back as Quinn grins broadly. “It’s going great, though I have a feeling we’re going to need a few extra hands this year. I was thinking of posting a job listing at the local community college, maybe the high school as well.”
“Great idea.”
“We have almost every single vendor that we had last year signed up again, plus a couple more. The Johnsons volunteered to donate hay for the hayride and a maze, as long as they can put up a sponsored sign.”
Quinn rattles on and on about it, pulling us all into her world of thinking as she does.
I pipe in, “Viviana is coming up this week to show us her plans for marketing. She wants us to be able to use that for the festival advertisements this year.”
Quinn brightens at the mention of one of our mutual friends. Viviana is a marketing genius but is also the sister of Graham’s friend, Enzo. There was a whole group of friends that they all hung out with, including my childhood best friend, Warren.
“That’s great! I can’t wait to see what she comes up with.”
We move onto other topics as we eat dinner, Alex chatting animatedly about going to London for winter break this year. The thought almost makes me sad, but I know that Alex is looking forward to going and visiting her dad.
Quinn and her ex, and even Graham, all have a good relationship and try to make it the best they can for Alex. It’s a sight to see people be able to co-parent without ripping each other’s heads off.
“So, CT, what’s the deal with you and Dani?”
Quinn’s question surprises me, and I push aside my empty plate as the whole family stares me down.
“We’re exchanging some work. Her horse is having a problem on the flag, making it impossible for her to practice for an upcoming show, and well, she has knowledge that could help Graham. ”
He nods. “She’s good. Patient, which I appreciate.”
Quinn smiles fondly at him and rubs him on his shoulder. “Right, that’s so great. But also…what’s the deal with you two?”
Alex sighs and looks to Dad. “Pops, can I be excused?”
He laughs and sends her off to the family room, leaving me to be interrogated by the three of them.
“There’s no deal. Not anymore.”
“Graham tells me I have your breakup all wrong,” Dad admits, his hand moving up with a napkin to wipe at his graying beard. “That you were the one to call it quits.”
I glance at the ceiling, looking for something or someone to save me from this conversation. It isn’t one I need to rehash, not after all the feelings that I’ve been shoving down have been resurfacing ever since she showed back up.
“I am sorry about that,” I tell him truthfully. “I shouldn’t have assumed she told anyone what happened.”
“Right,” Quinn drags out, a slight smile on her face. “But tell me something, after being with her again—” She raises a hand when my mouth opens to refute her. “I mean, being around her again, are you feeling…rekindley?”
“Rekindley isn’t a word,” I deflect.
She sighs, dropping her shoulders. “You Trevors men are impossible.”
I shrug and say, “Sorry. I just don’t know what you want me to say.” And I have no pressing urge to sit here and talk about my feelings. Especially when I don’t understand them myself.
“Well, I’m curious is all.” She shakes her head. “Sorry, CT. It’s not my business.”
Graham wraps an arm around her and pulls her close.
I study them while Dad draws them into a new conversation. I watch as she leans slightly toward him, how he holds her slightly in front of him, even though they’re in separate chairs, while they chat with my dad.
I rub a hand over my chest. Did I want Dani again?
Loaded question.
Of course, if I could go back, I would have handled things differently. Maybe instead of pushing her away, I would have talked with her, told her my fears.
Instead, I did the worst thing I could have done and drove a wedge between us, placing us in this hell we call cordial acquaintances .
I can’t help but think that it’s probably too late.
I think of her outburst earlier at the barn, how she told me she couldn’t count on me, how she said she didn’t have anyone to turn to and that burns, mostly because there’s truth to it. I did push her away.
If she had come to me back then, I doubt I would have been able to help her. Before last year, I was a mess.
I was glad she came to me now, though. At least now I could be there for her. Could help her out in any way she would let me.
I would do just about anything to be someone she could count on, to be the man she needs when times are tough.
I have no clue how I’m going to prove that to her, but I want to. I would do anything to get her to trust me again.
I want to fix this. I want to fix us.