42. Dani
42
dani
The next day, I pull up to the barn, getting ready for another session with Graham. I couldn’t tell if my text had surprised him, asking if he wanted to have another session with me, but deciphering what men meant through a text message is just about impossible.
My arm may have been in a cast, and Cade and I were not in the best of places right now, but I’m not going to neglect my one and only client for reasons that have nothing to do with him.
I’m not surprised to find the absence of Cade when I enter the barn. It was quiet, with only the sounds of horses chuffing and eating to fill the building’s silence, and I took a deep breath, allowing myself to relax.
Part of me had hoped he would have been here. That the proximity of having me so close would push him to talk to me, but now I would never know.
The one thing I knew was that I absolutely hated having something unresolved with someone.
Graham isn’t here yet, so I walk over to Lady’s stall and get her out. As much as I want to ride, I just can’t with my arm. But that doesn’t mean I can’t brush her down and shower her in treats, which I’m sure she prefers rather than being ridden some days.
I’m once again thankful that it’s not show season, and I’m able to work through this cast and broken arm before getting back to showing.
I think about Tommy and how he still got away with the shit he caused—well, maybe not get away with, considering he was punched to a pulp, according to Amy and Joanna—but I wasn’t ignorant enough to believe he was going to stop doing what he did.
Maybe he would continue to be a problem for me, too. Maybe he would tell everyone I was a problem. He was the type of person who would place blame on someone else and then spread malicious rumors about them.
I shake my head just as I hear a shuffling of feet at the entrance to the barn and turn to see Graham coming toward me, an easy smile on his face.
I return it just as I finish brushing Lady. “Hey, Graham.”
“Hey there,” he replies, rubbing on Lady’s head. She, in turn, leans into him. “Ah, need some extra love there, girl?”
I chuckle lightly. “She always thinks she needs extra love.”
“Don’t they all.” He tilts his head toward General, who’s staring us all down, clearly put out by the fact that he’s still in his stall.
We both laugh at the look on the horse’s face.
I put Lady away as Graham gets General out and saddles him. Graham is at the point that he doesn’t really need me here. He’s progressed so much over the last few months and can ride without that fear being held over him.
However, if he was going to let me teach him still, I was going to keep doing this.
We go through the motions once we get into the arena. When the groundwork is finished, Graham takes General in a walking circle and, after he’s warmed up, escalates the motion into a gallop. I watch with pride as Graham rides around with ease. It makes me proud and happy for him.
He’s finally back where he needs to be.
“You’re looking great,” I tell him from the fence, leaning on it with my casted arm to my side. He slows down to a walk and then stops near me .
“I feel good,” he admits, rubbing General’s neck while he pants for air. “A little out of breath.” He chuckles. “But good.”
I nod. “You two look like you haven’t skipped a day.”
Graham nods and then looks at me. “I wanted to thank you for helping me, Dani.” I start to wave him off, but he shakes his head. “No, seriously. You helped me get here, and I’m grateful. I’m glad you’ve been coming around again. You’ve always been like a sister to me.”
I feel my eyes heat with emotion and try my best to will it down. “You’ve always been there for me and my family.”
His eyes turn soft, almost sad. “That won’t ever change, you should know that since…”
I swallow and nod, using every bit of self-control I have to tell myself not to cry. “How is he?”
Graham doesn’t seem shocked by my question, but he shrugs, shaking his head. “I don’t really know. I haven’t seen him much since Thanksgiving. He was bummed you weren’t there. I could tell that.”
“I didn’t really feel like it was my place to come.”
He gives me a hard look. “You’re always welcome in our home, no matter what. ”
I appreciate him saying so, but I’m sure he also knows that if Cade and I aren’t together that I won’t be hanging around their house anymore. “Thanks, Graham.”
He nods and dismounts once General is cooled down. As we’re walking back into the alleyway, he turns and speaks. “I really feel like I’m confident in riding on my own now. I went for a trail ride with Dad the other day, and it felt amazing. I can’t wait to take Alex out and teach Quinn.”
I nod back. “Yeah, guess you won’t be needing me anymore.” Bittersweet news, to be sure.
“Nah, we’ll always need you around. As far as my future wife and stepdaughter go, you’re pretty much stuck with us.”
I laugh lightly, not really meaning it. I suppose if Cade wasn’t there, hanging out with them wouldn’t bother me. Quinn’s a good friend, and Alex is a sweetheart.
I’m happy for Graham that he found someone so wonderful to be with.
“Hey, cuz.” I hear from behind me. I turn, and Graham continues onward to untack General. Logan walks up and pulls me into a hug.
“Damn, girl. That’s a big-ass cast.” He nods, flicking it .
I look over at the black cast. “Well, that’s the case for most casts, I think.”
“Smart-ass,” he replies, leaning against an empty stall. “What are you doing here?”
I nod toward Graham. “Had a session with Graham, the final one, it seems.”
“Yeah?” His eyes light up from under his cowboy hat. “He’s riding comfortably on his own now?”
“Yup, seems he’s all cured.”
“That’s awesome.” I nod until Logan frowns. “That mean Lady is going home?”
I pause, and my shoulders drop. That’s right, she was here for free because we were swapping services. Now that mine were done, Lady would need to come back to my parents’ place. I want to roll my eyes, to tell myself that Cade wouldn’t want that, even if we were over.
But I can’t stomach coming back here to ride. I can’t handle waiting, day after day, for him to do something he’s never going to feel comfortable doing.
“I guess so.” I look over at Lady.
“Have you talked to CT?” Logan asks, giving me a sympathetic look.
“No, not really.” I kick the dirt under my boot and sigh. “I’m at a loss. I’ve spoken to him, and he wasn’t really interested in fixing things, so…”
“Yeah.” He nods. “I could tell he was struggling. I’m trying to take over for him while he’s gone, but he doesn’t seem like himself. He’s…distracted.”
“He’s gone?” I ask, my heart lodging in my throat. “Where’d he go?”
Logan shrugs. “I don’t know. He didn’t really say.”
Thoughts of him running off somewhere make me uneasy. This ranch is his life, his future. It’s smack-dab in the middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Where would he be going right now?
Was he running away from it all? Was this truly so hard for him that he couldn’t even face what we were going through?
If that was the case…my hope crashes to my feet, and my eyes well before I can stop them. Logan immediately pulls me into a hug.
“It’s okay,” he whispers into my hair, rubbing my back. “It’ll all work out.”
I pull away, swiping at my eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
He eyes me, confusion written all over his face. “Tomorrow?”
I shrug, my heart lodged in my throat. “I’m gonna come get Lady, maybe…” I shake my head with a si gh. “Maybe it’s time to move on.” The words have tears welling in my eyes, but I have to toughen the hell up.
If Cade was gone or staying away because of me, I didn’t want to have any tie to this place, any reason to come back and be humiliated because I wasn’t wanted here.
“Move on?” Logan asks, concern in his tone.
I sigh, thinking over some options. There was always one. “I still have that offer from that facility in Texas.” Logan’s eyes widen. “I’d told them no, but they told me to let them know if things changed…I guess things have changed, haven’t they?”
I can’t just keep working at the bakery and hoping for a future that is never going to work out.
I can’t just sit on my hands and let my life pass me by. If Cade is done, I can’t do anything to fix that. No matter how much it hurt.
Logan sighs. “I don’t want you to go, but I also get it.” He looks me over, and I watch him, seeing the grown man my cousin has turned into. Life has aged him a bit. Having a preteen daughter has given him knowledge and maturity I never expected to see in him, and he’ll always be one of my best friends.
The thought of leaving him, leaving my family, has that stinging sensation returning to my eyes.
He gives me another hug and promises to be here when I come tomorrow. I don’t really need his help, but I appreciate the support, nonetheless.
Graham calls a goodbye when I sneak past the tack room, and I give him a forced smile before making my way to my truck.
Once I’m safely behind my closed door, I tuck my face into my hands and let the sadness I’ve been trying so hard to keep at bay seep past my fingers. When I’ve calmed myself, I look past the barn where the road leads to the apartment we practically shared. I still have some things there.
But every one of those things is attached to a memory that I need to let go of.
It was best to just leave them there.
I shake my head as I turn my key and drive my truck away from the place I once loved and all the promises it once held.