CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Avonlea – Now
“Hey, Mum,” I say after tapping my right earbud to answer her call.
“Hello, dear, how are you? I’m not interrupting you in the kitchen, am I?” she asks, and I smile. As a chef herself, she should know I’m always in the kitchen.
“I’ve got my earbuds in, and I’m in between tasks actually. What’s up?”
“I know you’ve had your hands full getting settled, but we haven’t talked much and I want to hear how things are going.”
She sounds worried. Probably because she knows better than anyone else the reason for my trepidation at coming back to Cluaran.
I’ve also been avoiding her because I don’t know how to tell her Jamie is here.
I’ve talked with Lennox every night and each conversation is both a balm to my soul and a tugging on my heartstrings.
I’ve had to restrain myself from getting in my car and driving home on multiple occasions.
“How are Aileen and Angus? He holding up okay?” she asks, and I shake my head to refocus.
“Yeah, he’s doing pretty well. More good days than bad days at this point. And he’s mostly following doctors’ orders and letting me do all the cooking.”
I think about Sunday when my period hit with the force of a battering ram to my uterus and I could barely get out of bed.
Dragging myself out of it for cookies and a heating pad was worth it, though.
I know it could’ve been Aileen—she knew why I wasn’t coming down to cook—but it wasn’t.
It was Jamie, and it felt like catching a glimpse of the boy I used to know.
“Avonlea?” Mum asks.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m just distracted.”
“See, I knew you were busy. I just want to make sure you’re holding up. I know you have a lot of memories there and it can’t be easy. I—”
“He’s here, Mum,” I blurt, cutting her off.
“Who’s there?” Her confusion is palpable even through the phone.
“Jamie,” I whisper, my face screwing up as I say it. “He’s here.”
“Wait, what?” Mum shouts into the phone and I startle, but she’s in my earbud so there’s no escape. “When did he get there?”
“He’s been here the whole time,” I say, bracing for her reaction.
“And you’re just now telling me? Avonlea, you’ve been there for a week and a half. I—”
“I know. I didn’t know what to say. I don’t really know what to think myself.”
“How long will he be there? Are you okay? What about—” She bombards me with enough rapid-fire questions to make my head spin.
“Mum, stop. This is why I didn’t tell you.” I glance around, glad the rest of the staff is on a break. “I don’t know what to do. He’s going to be here for a while, and Lennox arrives in six weeks.”
She sighs and I can picture her pressing her hand to her forehead and then squeezing her temples. “You’re going to have to tell him.”
“How? How do I do that?” My voice rises and I feel the ever-present panic start to bubble beneath the surface.
“We’re barely speaking as it is. It’s all such a mess.
I should have known he’d come home, should have at least considered the possibility, and now we’re both here…
And Lennox is moving up here and I-I don’t know what to do. ”
“Breathe, sweetheart. Are you sure you should stay?” The gentle way she forms the question brings me a modicum of calm. Her voice has always done that for me, it’s why I usually tell her everything. If anyone can help me problem-solve, it’s her.
“I can’t leave now. Angus needs me here, and I love it, Mum. I’ve always wanted my own kitchen, and this one feels like home. It feels like yours did, but it’s also mine, you know? I don’t want to give that up, but…”
“If you’re set on staying, you will have to tell him. And Lennox too. You should’ve—”
I cut her off before she can go down a road we’ve traveled more than enough times. “Please don’t start. I had my reasons, and you know that.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right, and it was your decision to make. I just—” She blows out another breath. “I wish I could make this easier for you, but I don’t think there’s going to be an easy answer now, sweetie.”
“There was no easy answer then either,” I say, dejected.
“You’re right. There wasn’t. Maybe your dad and I should hold off on bringing Lennox up until you’ve had a chance to tell him. The worst possible scenario is Jamie figuring it out on his own.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and exhale heavily. “Aye… Aye, you’re right. I’ll take a long weekend to come see Lennox in a couple of weeks. It doesn’t make sense to bring him up before I have a place sorted for us anyway.”
“How’s the house hunt going?” she asks, and I’m glad for the change of subject.
“Eh, fine, I guess. I’ve put in a few applications…”
“I thought you were planning to buy?”
“I was, but everything feels too precarious right now. I think a lease makes more sense… you know?” I keep thinking of the worst-case scenario—where this all implodes, everyone gets hurt, and staying here will no longer be an option.
“Mm. That does make sense. Well, if you need help with anything, you call me, okay? No more secrets, please. We haven’t had secrets since you were seventeen.”
I chuckle at the irony. “Yeah, true. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
“That’s understandable, but I’m glad you did. You’ll call Lennox this evening?”
“Aye, as always. He’s doing okay, right?” My heart clenches, I miss him so much.
“He’s doing great. He misses you, of course, and I think he’s excited for the move.”
“Is he still having trouble with the kids at school?”
“It’s been better this week, or at least he seems better.”
That helps ease my worries. The fact that Lennox is having issues with these kids only made our move more appealing, but I’m glad things seem to be improving. Especially since I can’t be in Glasgow to try to fix it. Not that I was having much luck while I was back there.
“Good. I’ll call him later. Love you, Mum.”
“Love you too, Avonlea.”
Music fills my earbuds when the call ends, resuming the playlist I had on before. I turn around to look for my phone and find Jamie instead, sitting at his grandfather’s desk in the corner, watching me over steepled fingers.
I jump and my frightened squeak bounces off the walls of the kitchen.
“Holy shit! How long have you been sitting there?” My mind races over the conversation I just had.
What did he hear? I don’t think I said anything that would give away my secret, but hell, I know he wasn’t there a few minutes ago.
“I just sat down. Sorry I scared you.”
It’s the most words we’ve exchanged since that night on the roof.
“What’re you doing in here?” I ask, breathless and clutching a hand over the heart that nearly jumped out of my chest.
“I was looking for Grandad.” He leans back casually in the chair, his broad shoulders spanning the entire width and his damn shirt stretching across his chest when he presses his forearms into the armrests. Why is this man still so appealing?
I force my gaze to meet his and cross my arms. “And when you didn’t find him, you figured you’d eavesdrop on my phone call?”
“That wasn’t my intention, Avonlea.” The irritated fire that was there during our last conversation is gone now.
I hate the way he’s still calling me Avonlea and not Avi, though I don’t know why. I definitely should not care.
“Well, next time, just announce yourself or something,” I say, trying to bring my own reactions down a notch.
“I was going to ask if he needs anything from town, but I guess I’ll ask you instead. Do you need anything?”
I restrain myself from laughing maniacally and saying Aside from a miracle that will make it so I don’t have to tell you that you have a son and that I hid him from you for ten years, nope!
Ugh, that’s not helpful.
“Avonlea?” he asks, an eyebrow raised.
Oh right, I’m supposed to respond when asked a question. “What? Sorry.”
“Do you need anything from town?” His eyes glitter behind his glasses and I’m reminded again of the boy I knew, before he started wearing contacts more often than not. I’ve noticed that he wears his glasses most of the time now, and I wonder why that is. I wonder a lot of things about this man.
“I think we’re pretty well covered here.” I look anywhere but at him. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he says, moving to leave.
I blush and duck my head. “Thank you for Sunday too.” I’d been wanting to bring it up for days, but this is the first time we’ve been alone.
“You’re welcome, Avi,” he says quietly, and my nickname on his lips knocks a shiver down my spine.
I snap my head up.
His hand is pressed to the door and I note how his shirt hugs every muscle of his back, and god, his ass in those jeans… He really grew up well, and that is not something I should be noticing.
Without a look back, he pushes through the door, and all the air in my lungs follows him out in a rush.