CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Avonlea – Now
Ican’t say how many times I’ve read and reread the dedication in Jamie’s book, seeing it in a brand-new light. Seeing it with me in mind. And every time, I melt for him.
And that’s dangerous.
I can’t let those old feelings resurface. There’s too much history—even without the secret of Lennox between us. And I’m no closer to telling him than I was on day one.
I felt a little bad canceling our hike for today, but the solicitor for the cottage down the street called and I jumped on the opportunity to see it before someone else does.
I’m also afraid of being alone with Jamie for that long…
I’d probably blurt everything out in the worst possible way.
Or I wouldn’t say anything at all and that might be worse.
When I push my way into the kitchen, I resolve to banish the thoughts. Angus is poring over a ledger at the desk while the kitchen staff moves with precision through the breakfast rush. He doesn’t look up until I put my hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze.
“Mornin’, lass,” he says, patting my hand with his. His is cold and I cover it with my other one, wishing I could transfer my warmth into his extremities. I never see him without a sweater and scarf now, even on the warmest days or in the heat of the kitchen.
“Morning. You’re sure you don’t mind if I take off to go see this house?”
He nearly rolls his eyes. “Lass, this is your kitchen and you’ve already got Hamish set up to be here. Why are you asking me?”
I look at Hamish and he shoots me a wink. He has it under control.
Pinning Angus with my gaze, I slide into the seat opposite him. “Maybe because you’re sitting here like a damn mother hen.”
He hums at that. “Old habits and all. I’m excited you’ve found a place for you and Lennox, I hope it works out. Though, we’ll be sad to see you leave the inn. Having you around all the time sure brightens up the place.”
I tuck my chin into my chest, the sincerity in his words bringing warmth to my heart… and my cheeks. I never received praise or compliments from my own grandfather, not even when we were on good terms, and certainly not after I got pregnant. And now I never will.
“Don’t worry, you’re stuck with me now, old man. And I’m sure Lennox will be here more often than not once he arrives.”
Another reason I really, really need to tell Jamie.
That aside, I love the idea of having Lennox grow up here, surrounded by this inn and these people who helped mold me.
My dad’s parents passed away before I was born, so Lennox doesn’t have any biological great-grandparents in his life.
Or he didn’t, but now he has Angus and Aileen…
He just doesn’t know it yet. What matters is they do, and after the way they treated me like their own when I was his age, I know they’ll do the same for him.
Angus’s words encompass that sentiment when he pulls me out of my thoughts: “I can’t wait for him to be here.
It will be good to have some young blood around all the time again.
Might have to install a new tire swing though.
You and Jamie used to get into such mischief playing on that thing.
” He laughs, and it’s one of those that comes from deep in his belly.
“I miss that old thing,” I say with a wistful smile. I stand and walk to the kitchen window overlooking the garden. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the bench swing you built, but that tire swing was—” I break off, not sure exactly what to say. There are no words for the memories I have of that swing.
“Special?” Jamie says from behind me, and I turn to see him standing with a hand on Angus’s shoulder. Right where mine was just moments ago.
I swallow, watching him watch me with something tender in his eyes, something I haven’t seen in them for a very long time. “Aye, it was special.” Dropping my gaze to Angus, I say, “Maybe it is time for a new one.”
“I like that idea,” Jamie says, moving around Angus under the guise of looking out the window.
He stops right beside me so his shoulder brushes mine.
“I thought, since we can’t go on our hike this morning, I could come with you to see the house.
In case you need a second opinion.” The pull of his gaze has me looking up to find him peering down at me.
He’s not exactly asking, and I almost want to tell him I can handle it by myself…
but I can’t say no to him—not when he’s this close.
I let my gaze travel farther down and take in the pair of worn-looking jeans tucked into wellies, his button-down shirt, and his rain jacket. He looks like he’d fit better on the pages of a Barbour magazine spread than standing in a pub kitchen. And he looks ready to go.
“You don’t have to worry. I’m sure you have better things to do,” I say quickly, my first reason for canceling still at the forefront of my mind. Being alone with Jamie is going to be torture, especially when he looks like that.
“Nope, I’m all yours this morning.” His eyes glitter a brilliant green in the light from outside and a small piece of hair has fallen out of place over his forehead. I slide my hands down into my pockets to keep from pushing it back.
Why does he have to say things like that to me? All I ever wanted was for him to be all mine, and he never has been. Not even when I thought he might be.
“Okay then.” I huff out a drastic breath and put a foot of space between us. Nothing left but to get this over with. “I guess I’ll go grab my jacket. Is it supposed to rain?”
“It’s always supposed to rain, Avi.” He chuckles, glancing down my body. I ignore the way it makes me feel… The heat, the butterflies—I can’t feel those things. I can’t.
“I’ll get my boots too then. I was planning to walk.” Fresh air and space. I just need fresh air and space.
“I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he says, and I swear there’s added meaning to his words.
Five minutes later, the drizzle is making me very glad for both my rain jacket—which I upgraded when I took this job, knowing it would be both colder and rainier on Skye—and my red wellies.
The squelch of the muddy lane under my boots is the only sound between me and Jamie because I’ve been avoiding saying anything, and he seems content to wait me out until I break and talk first.
The cottage we’re headed for is about a half mile down the road from the inn. It’s small with two bedrooms and an office that could easily double as a guest room from what the pictures showed. When we arrive, the listing agent Jenny is standing on the porch to keep out of the rain.
“Mornin’, Avonlea,” she says with a pointed look at Jamie, a question in the rise of her eyebrow. “Mornin’?”
Before I can make introductions, he extends his hand to her with a “Mornin’. I’m Jamie.”
She narrows her eyes. “Not the Murrays’ Jamie, are ye?” Her accent is much thicker compared to his, but Jamie clearly hasn’t lost his ability to decipher even the most broguish of accents.
He ducks his head with a smile and I see a bit of color hint under his freckled cheeks. “Aye, that would be me.”
I almost laugh at how his accent thickens just slightly in talking to her, like it wants to fall back into old habits so badly.
“Finally came home then, did ye? Cluaran’s grown a good bit since you moved away.”
I don’t miss the way he stiffens beside me, but his expression doesn’t falter. “It has. It’s good to be back.”
“And with a pretty lady on your arm.” She winks in my direction, and now it’s me who stiffens.
For one, I am not on his arm—we aren’t even touching. Two, that’s a notion I better shut down right quick before it becomes the next piece of village gossip.
Jamie beats me to it. “Oh. No, just a friend. Had the morning off and thought I’d keep Avonlea company.”
Jenny looks between us, a sharp appraising look in her eye, and then shrugs. “I did think you said it was only you and your son. No handsome young men were mentioned…”
For the love of all that is holy. I blush and shake my head. “Nope. Just me and Lennox. He’s ten.”
“Well, let’s get on then. It’s cold and wet out here. If you don’t mind leaving your boots at the door. I don’t want us tracking mud through the clean house.”
We slip our boots off and I attempt to ignore how domestic it feels, mine and Jamie’s boots side by side on the foyer mat. Nope, definitely not thinking about that.
The cottage is bright and open. It’s not large, but the updated fixtures give it the rustic and homey feel I’m looking for in a home.
Home. A home for me and Lennox.
We’ve lived in a flat—a nice one, but a flat nonetheless—for his entire life, aside from the first two years when we lived with Mum and Dad.
I can’t wait to give him a home like this.
Somewhere with a garden and space to roam.
And a community of people to support him that goes beyond me and his grandparents.
I fall more in love with the space the longer we walk through it.
Each room has some small detail that makes me smile and makes this space feel exactly right.
I can easily picture my four-poster bed in the master bedroom, and the bathroom has a clawfoot tub and a beautiful glass shower.
The room that will be Lennox’s has a box window with a bench seat built in that looks out into the back garden.
I can already picture him reading there.
He has a true appreciation of books—something he got from me, but also from Jamie.
“I’ll take it,” I say to Jenny before she’s even finished showing us the kitchen—which, by chefs’ standards, is pretty nice. It’s not huge, but everything is new and clean and there’s enough room for Lennox and me to make a mess of ourselves baking.
“Fantastic!” she says, beaming. “I just need to pop out and make a call. Here’s the application. Feel free to look around a bit more if you like.” She walks out of the room and toward the porch, phone to her ear.
“It’s a great space, Avi,” Jamie says, and I watch his hand coast over the kitchen island as he moves around it to stand beside me. I look up into his face and can’t decipher what I’m seeing there, too overwhelmed by my own blend of emotions.
“Thank you—” I start, the words coming out breathy, gravelly. I clear my throat. “Thank you for coming with me. You like it then?”
“Not that it really matters,” he says with a wide grin, “but yeah, I do. It’s precisely the kind of place I can see you living in. You think Lennox will like it?”
God, my heart does a flip every time he says Lennox’s name.
Every. Damn. Time.
“Lennox has never had a place like this. I’m sure he’ll love it,” I say, but Jamie glances away and I tilt my head to follow his gaze. “What?”
“It’s still weird for me to wrap my head around you being a mum. Things have changed so much.”
He has no idea.
Could I just…
“Jamie,” I say, forcing my voice to stay even. He stops avoiding my gaze, and I exhale when I see his eyes are curious, questioning. “Lennox… well, he—”
Jenny resurfaces with a smile and cuts me off. “Do you have that paperwork done, dear?”
Thank god for this woman, because what did I almost just do? It’s getting harder and harder not to tell him, but this is not the time or the place.
This is something that will not only change Jamie’s entire life, but mine and Lennox’s as well. And it will forever change the way Jamie looks at me. I don’t want that to be my first memory of this kitchen, of this house.
“Oh, no, sorry. Was too taken with the space. Let me finish that up for you.”
I grab the stack and furiously riffle through it, signing on the last page.
Lennox and I have a home on Skye, so the last thing keeping me from having him come visit is gone.
Well, the second to last thing. What’s left is telling Jamie who Lennox really is.