XL
Atlas Lucio
I watch Hazel talking quietly to Theo, her face lighting up with a sweet smile at whatever he’s saying. He leans in and kisses atop her head before casually resting his arm behind her chair, using his fork to eat with one hand.
I stay mostly quiet for the meal, only replying in short, one-word sentences. Ginevra and Bianca try to engage me in conversation, but I’m too encased in my thoughts to listen fully.
As soon as I’ve finished eating, I slink away from the table and head outside to the patio, grabbing a bottle of whiskey on the way. Although I hate to admit it, the pasta Hazel made with the Italian Mamas was definitely one of the best I’ve ever tasted.
I pour myself a glass from the bottle and swirl the honey-coloured liquid around. My thoughts have been jumbled ever since I found out about Hazel’s father. I haven’t been able to figure out her intentions. My gut tells me she isn’t a spy for him but my heart is too wrapped in steel to feel relief.
Keeping her at arms length has been my only way of coping - knowing I can keep her safe whilst also keeping my heart safe. She makes it difficult though, her beautiful smile giving way to small dimples that I want to worship.
It’s so easy for the others. I’ve seen the way they act around her, like they are about to drop to their knees for her. They can love her freely without the warnings from my father that rattle around my head.
He told me to never trust a woman. He never did, and my parents’ rough relationship haunts mine with Hazel. He was so afraid that a woman would be the downfall of the mafia. If he was still alive, he would have already clicked onto the fact that Hazel will be the downfall of me.
The door behind me slides open but I don’t turn to see who it is. I can already tell by the heavy footsteps that it’s Theo, who joins me at the table and pours himself a glass of whiskey. He takes a sip before sitting back and sighing, his eyes boring into me.
“What’s going on, man?” He asks me after a period of silence. I down my drink and fill the glass again.
“Hazel,” I mutter, my voice sounding gruffer than I expected. He chuckles and takes another sip of his drink.
“I see,” he smirks at me, a knowing gaze in his eyes. He pauses a moment before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” I shrug, dismissively.
“Atlas, you clearly like her. She might not be able to see it, but the rest of us can. You’re doing the mafia version of pulling the pigtails of the girl you like in the playground,” he chuckles and I death-glare him.
“It doesn’t matter if I like her.”
“Of course it fucking matters.”
“She’s safer just being involved with the three of you.”
His face turns serious at my comment, his eyes blaring with disdain.
“Do you really believe that?” He asks, leaning forward in his chair. I open my mouth to respond but Ginevra and Bianca emerge, the latter placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Let us talk to him,” Ginevra says, her voice soft with kindness. It’s a misleading kindness. The one that is always followed by her and Bianca reaming my ass out for doing something stupid. Theo shrugs and stands up, slipping away inside and leaving me with the two piranhas.
They sit down across from me and stare, their disapproving, motherly glares making my eyes widen in apprehension. I wait for someone to break the staring contest first, and surprise myself by speaking.
“I already know I’m an idiot.”
“Good, then we don’t need to remind you,” Ginevra smiles.
“What’s keeping you from this girl, Atlas?” Bianca asks, furrowing her eyebrows.
“I’m keeping her safe,” I shrug. My confusion grows as I watch the two of them share an exasperated look.
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Ginevra asks.
“She already has three of the highest members in the Italian Mafia dating her. Do you really think you would bring more risk?” Bianca tilts her head. I frown at her.
“My father…”
“Your father was awful to your mother. He should not be your example,” Ginevra interrupts me, her eyes blazing with anger. They were both my mother’s best friends and saw the mental toll the relationship with my father took on her.
“You deserve to love, Atlas. You deserve to be loved,” Bianca takes my hand, holding it between hers. I look away from them both, trying to hear their words in my heart as well as my brain. They permeate through the steel shield clamped around my heart.
Truth is, I’ve never let myself be loved. The last person that loved me was my mother, and my father shot her in cold blood in front of me when I was eleven. Since then, my heart has been closed off, protecting itself from getting too attached to someone that will be taken away from me.
“What if it’s too late?” I almost whisper, allowing myself to show my vulnerability to the two mothers. I keep my gaze away from them, too afraid to see any sign that I’m right on their faces.
“You won’t know until you try,” Ginevra’s calming voice washes over me.
“I have a feeling you wouldn’t be too late,” Bianca adds. I nod my head and stand up, clearing my throat as I slap my mask of indifference back on my face. They stand with me and follow inside, where we all stop at the scene playing out in front of us.
Andros and Dawson are playing monsters, stomping around the room, whilst Hazel and Alessia run away. The carefree laughter erupting from both girls makes me want to smile, but I can only manage a slight tilt to the corners of my lips.
Alessia grabs Hazel’s hand, pulling her behind the sofa. They both crouch down, their eyes peeking above the cushions to watch Dawson and Andros, who act like they haven’t seen them.
Both men look at each other and share a silent conversation, before running behind the couch and grabbing the girls. They lift them in their arms, Alessia in Andros’ and Hazel in Dawsons, before tickling them.
I smile weakly and leave the room, feeling like I’m encroaching on their fun. Reaching my room, I shut the door behind me and undo my shirt. I tear it from my body before sitting down at my desk and unlocking my phone.
For the rest of the night, I distract myself from the idea of being with Hazel, opting to work on finding her father instead.